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Should I contact my old tutor and tell him how much he meant to me?

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Question - (20 June 2017) 1 Answers - (Newest, 21 June 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *igi33 writes:

So I need some advice about 'the one who got away..'

I need to start with the fact that I had a really difficult childhood because my parents were quite abusive and had alcohol issues, and I had to depend on myself from a young age.

But my world got turned upside down when I met my tutor. I remember walking into my classroom only to find a new guy sat in my old teachers chair and immediately I fell for him. I liked every single thing about him, his voice, his smile, his presence. I had him for a class and he we became close. He used to talk to me about his travels working in Africa doing community work and I really looked up to him. I was so inspired by his morals and everything he believed in. I talked to him whenever I could and all of my friends and even other teachers knew how much I cared about him.

There were times where I looking back even now, I still think there was something between us; a spark or connection- whatever you want to call it. He used to speak to me about his family etc which looking back I don't think he would do to just anyone.

Anyway, being at school and being so inspired by him really helped me during my childhood. It distracted me from what was going on back home when my parents used to be abusive. He honestly meant the whole world to me back then. Which is why I was so distraught when I heard a rumour that he was moving to Australia in my last year of sixth form.

It turns out, that rumour was right. The last day of school loomed and after weeks of wanting to say a proper goodbye, I didn't do it. I was so heartbroken that I never said goodbye to him and never got to thank him what he truly did for me. He never knew about my family situation and if it wasn't for him, I genuinely think I would have given up on myself. I left that day knowing that I may never ever speak to him again and eventually, all I could do was block it out.

I met him in year 8 which was forever ago and when I moved to university, I again blocked it out as much as I could and went about my own life. 4 years on and i've finished my degree and for some reason I am thinking about him a lot again. I miss him. I regret that I never said goodbye. I have thought about it so much and I genuinely believe everything happens for a reason. I wonder if the reason for me still thinking about him after all this time is because I am truly in love with him. I know it sounds weird because he was my teacher and I didn't truly know him, but I feel like i'll regret not saying bye til the day I die.

I keep thinking about writing a letter to him in Australia. He doesn't have Facebook so I would have to write to him, just so he knows he made such a difference in my life. I am currently do marketing for ethical companies and I feel like he inspired me to pursue a career like that. I have held off doing it because I know it might be weird and creepy. I obviously don't want to not say goodbye but the only thing worse is creeping him out when I suppose the memories I have of him are good. I don't think this regret will ever leave me though. I know that earlier this year he came to the village in the UK I live in now to get married. I know this because he told me a load of stuff which I remember and found his school he works in on facebook (yes, i know it's weird!)

But I hope this all makes sense and people don't think this is too weird, believe me, I know its not the most conventional thing but I genuinely don't know what to do. Should I write to him and explain and say I got his school name from a teacher from school when I asked? Or should I leave it and miss him forever?

Any help/advice would be really appreciated! Thanks, Gigi

View related questions: facebook, heartbroken, my teacher, spark, university

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (21 June 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntOh honey. I so want to give you a big hug - for what you have been through and also for what you have achieved.

Your story is sad and inspiring in one. Little wonder you fell for this man. He sounds like the one dependable adult in your life when you needed to be supported and loved but your parents were not there to fulfil that role. I believe the universe sends us the people we NEED, and you were sent this wonderful man to help you through hard times when nobody else was around to help you. He was a role model for you in every sense of the term. He sounds like a truly inspirational man and a wonderful human being. Most of us have at least one teacher who we remember fondly and who had an impact on our young lives, but this man influenced your life more than most.

He is married now. I bet his wife is a wonderful human being, just like him.

Personally I see no reason why you cannot write to him. No need to mention how you know of his whereabouts (in this day and age, it is not too difficult to track down people). In your shoes, I would tell him about your recent studies, how you were influenced by him in your choice of study and thank him for how he turned your life around. I would also say you wanted to get in touch because you just wanted him to know he made a difference to your life. I am sure he will be very proud of how well you have done for yourself and will be equally proud of his contribution to that.

After that, you need to decide what you are going to do with the rest of your life and what a difference you are going to make to others, just like your wonderful teacher did.

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