A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend for the last year has a female friend who has always made me feel uncomfortable when she is around him, he loves all the attention, he always has loved female attention and it's something I have got my head around but this particular lady is really over the top with it. She kisses his cheek, or rubs his shoulders, she even sent him a joke valentines card but I didn't find it very funny and I don't think my boyfriend did either as he put it straight in the bin when he received it via the post and told me about it and said she was a loon. However he never tells her to stop when she does it, and I'm being told by other people that it's happening so others may be mocking me behind my back. My boyfriend is kind of allowing it to happen but he has ALWAYS been a fan of female attention. I'm not sure if it would be best to confront her myself and tell her the joke isn't funny, or to leave it to him to sort out and keep out of it.Advice?! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2015): Your problem is your "boyfriend's" lack of concern for your feelings, and he puts his friendship with his lady-friend first.
You have made your discomfort with her "in-your-face" flirtations toward him known abundantly clear. He chooses to dismiss them. If he sets no boundaries with her, why pray-tell, is it your responsibility to ask him to stop that cow from spilling her milk all over him? I just don't think this guy is really as into you as you're into him.
My assumption is that he doesn't take his relationship with you that seriously. I don't exactly understand what you mean by he likes female attention? What?!! If he's straight, that is likely.
Are you in an open-relationship?
If he's in a monogamous-relationship, it's hands-off to other females; with the exception of normal friendly hugs and pecks within proper and respectful guidelines.
He's a peacock strutting around soaking up attention, and you're being mocked by his lady-friend with the intent to keep your relationship unstable. She enjoys making you jealous and he enjoys getting his ego stroked. Hopefully that's all she strokes.
I think you might want to offer him an ultimatum, either they both show you the respect you deserve; or you're out of there. Otherwise stay, but shut-up and take it; if you don't have the nuggets to dump him. Deal with him, not her.
If it continues after you offer your ultimatum; give him and his lady-friend the middle-finger and move on.
If a girlfriend can't feel she's the number-one woman in his life; she doesn't have to sit there and take it. She should give him the boot, and find herself a better man.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 April 2015):
 Advice?
Your "argument" is not with her but rather with your boyfriend.
You "confront" HIM about HIS bad behavior here.
Here is the thing... so far you have "allowed" this.
Now if you want it to stop it's going to be possibly very painful as you will have to set a boundary and if he does not stick to it you will have to make a hard decision.
If you say to him "I need you to tell her to stop doing these things as they are upsetting me. I need you to do this within one week and I need proof you have done it such as you can tell her with me standing there (either in person or on the phone). IF you can't tell her to back off then I am afraid I will have to.... [insert what you will do if he does not tell her to stop]
Now if you say "I will be angry" that's no big deal you are already angry and probably fight with him about it.
What you need to say is "I will have to end our relationship" and then when he does not tell her to stop (he tells her and then he has to behave in an appropriate manner to continue to discourage her attention" or he does not discourage her attention you have to leave.
If you say "I will leave" and you don't you have lost all power.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweety Girl  +, writes (22 April 2015):
Guys love to be talked, in sweet and cheesy manners. Try telling him like 'it will better if you cover things up for me. I will be the happiest person in the world if you are always on my side and talk back to people who criticizes me. It's not that I hate her, but I want to show everyone that I have a protective bf and that I am proud of it.' I think it will be better if you tell your boyfriend directly rather than telling the other person to stop. Caz if you go tell her, she will win in this case, as she will think 'she cant even handle her bf. he's the one who's giving me favors. who is she to give me orders and confront me?'. and then, she will try to steal your bf, in revenge to your confrontation.Hope this will help you. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (22 April 2015):
 Why do you give your boyfriend a pass?? The "He's always been a fan of female attention" thing? Your issue is and always will be with him, not her. What are you going to do, confront ALL inappropriate women who come around him? He's sending out signals (i.e. flirting, receptiveness, ego boost) that he wants this. You need to confront HIM and ask him how he would feel about another guy touching you and being all over you, sending you things.
You don't "leave it to him". You tell him that he either starts acting like he's in a relationship, which means being loyal to you, or you're done. And mean it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 April 2015):
 Are you his mother?
HE IS allowing this, because HE is getting something out of this. Whether you feel annoyed or mocked is less important to him. Or that you would LIKE for him to have some kind of boundaries. HOW would he feel if a DUDE this to you? Have you asked him? Or if YOU did it to a male friend? Would that be SUPER funny too?
I'd tell him straight up that you find HIS and HER behavior disrespectful to your relationship.
But you telling her off? That is going to come off as controlling and babying your BF. Like he isn't man enough to tell her, hey I have a GF so you rubbing me all over when out in public is not OK.
If she was YOUR friend then yes, I'd tell her off. BUT this is a friend of his, so HE needs to be a GROWN MAN and set some boundaries. I'm just not sure he is at all unhappy with her behavior.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2015): I guess you should talk to him and tell that you feel bad about it.
See his reaction. Blackmailing is really bad, but i think you should somehow persuade him to stop the communication with that girl.
If he is really into you, it will not be a big deal for him.
...............................
|
