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Should I confess to my drunken night?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 January 2018) 10 Answers - (Newest, 9 January 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I went out last night and got really drunk. A guy grabbed me and started kissing me and feeling me up and without thinking I started kissing him back. Then he said he would help to get me home safely but he got out of the taxi too and we ended up sleeping together.

I genuinely don't remember what happened. I think I passed out at one point and threw up multiple times. I have never been so drunk. I didn't think of my bf. I didn't even realise what had happened till I woke up the next day and the guy had left a note with his number. I am getting flashbacks to how rubbish the sex was and that was it. I don't even remember what the guy looks like or his name.

I wasn't going to tell My boyfriend, but today he came and he brought a bunch of flowers and food to help me revise and I suddenly feel really guilty. I really love him as we have been together for almost a year and a half. What do I do??

View related questions: drunk, flowers, kissing

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (9 January 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI think firstly you should message the number that he left and ask him did he use protection!! Because if not then you could be looking at pregnancy or any kind off disease.

Secondly I would book in to an STI clinic to get checked and would also say you should consider giving up alcohol if you get so drunk you pass out and don't remember much. However you cannot use alcohol as an excuse for cheating. If you feel you have issues with alcohol though go and seek help, because next time you might not be so lucky.

Thirdly I would sit down with your boyfriend and tell him exactly what happened. You are already feeling guilty and it will only eat you up inside if you keep it from him.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (6 January 2018):

If no one else knows keep your mouth shut. Why hurt your bf because you can’t control yourself? And learn to control your drinking so this doesn’t happen again.

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A female reader, holeymoley Australia +, writes (6 January 2018):

holeymoley agony auntIf you are feeling guilty now, then chances are you will tomorrow and the next and the next after that and so on. IT WILL EAT YOU UP ALIVE and chances are it will come out one way or the other. Maybe you will fess up, maybe he will rock up, maybe your behaviour will be noticeable enough to your bf for him to think somethings up. Unless you and your bf use condoms , how far are you willing to go with his health in order to keep your secret? You made a choice, it may not have been the sex so much, but you made a choice to get so plastered to the point of not being able to make a good one. Now it's your bf time to make a choice if he wants to stay and work through it or leave.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2018):

The respected aunts and uncles have all given very sound advice I just want to add that you should keep that paper on which he has left you his phone No. phone him and ask him if used condoms or not and get STD tests done. I hope everything comes out clean and well.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2018):

This isnt about you anymore it is about him. You screwed up now handle the repercussions. Tell him the truth, let him decide what comes next. If he cheated would ypu want to know? Would you be concerned he might pass a sti onto you?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (6 January 2018):

As usual, blame it on the alcohol. Why did you go out alone and just get blasted? Why would you allow yourself to be at the mercy of a total stranger when you're too drunk to protect yourself? If you didn't use condoms, hope like hell he wasn't HIV-positive or carrying an STD!

Getting so drunk and bringing home a stranger hardly passes as an OOPS, my bad!

Am I scaring you? Good! That was dangerous, unhealthy, and totally irresponsible. I hope the number is a good one, should you find yourself pregnant in a few weeks! Even if you're on birth-control or have an IUD; they don't protect you from STD's that you could pass on to your boyfriend.

Until you are certain you're not infected, please use condoms. All it takes is one mistake. You're not sure what he did, or if he used protection. So in 30 more days, get tested for HIV or herpes.

I'm inclined to believe you cheated on purpose and alcohol is your excuse. Why? Because every move you made lead to having sex with another guy. He just might show up unannounced; and you'll have to explain to your boyfriend who he is, and how you met!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 January 2018):

Honeypie agony auntI'm with N91,

YOU cheated, drunk or not, you need to own up to what you did and what happened.

If your BF then decides he can't continue dating you, you take that as a lesson in life. Don't get so drunk you don't CARE what you are doing. I have been black out drunk but NEVER gone home and had sex with a guy. So when I hear people using alcohol as an excuse... I don't totally buy it.

Where were your friends in all that? Because when I was your age my group of friends looked out for each other, especially the drunk ones.

In short, drunk or not, you HAD sex with someone else. You need to tell him and you need to consider doing a STD test in 30 days or so.

Also, I remember the kind of guys (when I was a bartender) who would hit on the drunk girls and go home with them if possible, kind of predatory behavior. Gross behavior. But in some cases they are AS drunk as the girls they hit on and go home with so it's not predatory just plain STUPID.

Own your actions.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (5 January 2018):

N91 agony auntI have to disagree.

When it comes to cheating I have absolutely no sympathy. Being drunk is no excuse, if you can't handle your alcohol then don't drink, it's quite simple. You had MULTIPLE chances through this situation to say no, even when you're drunk you know right from wrong so it's just not something you can blame it on.

Surely you knew what he was going to attempt when getting a taxi with you?

I'd advise you to come clean, I think if you had been cheated on you'd like to know so you could decide whether you want a future with your partner. I think it would be incredibly selfish of you to keep this quiet. Drunken mistake or not, you have cheated on your BF and he deserves to make the choice on the fate of the relationship now. Your BF sounds like a good guy with what you have told us, do the right thing.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (5 January 2018):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntI get why people say "what people don't know won't hurt them", but he *deserves* to know who he's with and that you weren't faithful. I'd want to know because it's a deal breaker for me. I don't want to spend years of my life with someone who cheated when drunk, or who got drunk enough to start with.

Maybe he'll forgive you. Maybe he won't. You made your choice that night, so *please* do the honourable thing and give him the chance to make his. Be honest and accept the consequences.

In future, don't be so silly with drinking because it makes you vulnerable and irresponsible, as well as being likely to have a health complication as a result.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (5 January 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIf there is little/no chance your boyfriend will find out from someone else about what you did, then I would not mention it at all. Put it down to experience and vow never to drink so much again that you don't know what you are doing.

If you were incapable of saying "no", this guy took advantage of you. Don't let anyone do that to you again.

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