A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for a year, and I lied to him at the start about never having done anything except kissing other guys, but the truth is that although I'm a virgin (even though I'm well into my twenties), I have done more than just kissing. We both come from a very conservative background where this kind of stuff actually matters.Lying about this didn't bother me before, but I've since become closer to God, and although I've already gone to confession about it, it's still in the back of my mind. Honesty is very important to him and I don't know if I should risk my relationship for something that happened long ago and could be considered irrelevant. Should I come clean about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys- Thank you for your advice! I realized that I didn't really want to feel constant guilt or fear of him ever finding out, so I came clean to my boyfriend. I thought he was going to take it badly, but he was actually very pleased that I was brave enough to admit my mistakes. He said he loved me even more now.Thank you for making me come to this decision, I'm glad I came clean and did the right thing!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): If messing around doesn't matter, then would it really matter to have had sex before?
What's the difference?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2012): It is entirely up to you but remember, you might have made your peace with your God over this matter. But your boyfriend isnt God and might not be so `forgiving`. So you have it at the back of your mind that you lied. That fact wont change even if you do tell your boyfriend...you will still have lied...if you see what i mean, whether you tell him or not. The only difference will be that there will then be two people who will feel badly about it, you and him. Will that make things better or worse? It is up to you to decide.
It used to be that a lady never told about her past and if a man asked, he was considered a bit creepy for wanting too many details and generally told to mind his busines. You didnt have full on sex with anyone before you met him, you were a virgin. That is all he needed to know, not the low down on every petting session you ever had. That is YOUR business. And if he does the same type of sexual things with you, that you once did with others, then he is no better than you were because he is also `fooling around` before marriage.
I would not worry too much. If you have changed and would not lie now, thats the most important thing. And remember, sometimes you dont need to lie about uncomfortable questions, you can just tell people that certain things are none of their business!
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 December 2012):
Personally I don't think you're messing around matters. But if the two of you do, then go ahead and tell him. I'd just start out by saying that when you first met him you really liked him and you wanted him to like you too, but you were afraid that if you told him he wouldn't like you. If he can't handle it then I guess your relationship wasn't meant to be because he doesn't appreciate you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 December 2012):
 If it's going to eat at you for the rest of your relationship you should, because really why would you want to be in a relationship where you're feeling constant guilt?
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