A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I separated nearly a year ago due to my infidelity.We recently reconciled and moved back in together. I missed him so much and have grown up a lot over the separation. Although I couldn't be happier that we are getting a second chance, something is bothering me. We have, of course, been sexually active since getting back together. The difference is that now he withdraws early and cums on my stomach. He does this every time. He never did that over the course of our relationship. What gives? He sees me take my pill. It feels like a lack of trust, which maybe I deserve?Should I bring this up for discussion? Should I leave it alone? I almost hate to rock the boat because of my guilt. Any advice?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2017):
 Honestly the best thing to do is to talk to him and ask him why the change, he is your husband surely if you are both giving it another go then you can talk openly to each other?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2017): Well, things would have changed. Maybe this is something he's always wanted to do, now he's more willing to try it. Maybe it's even a 'territorial' thing.
If you aren't comfortable talking about sex together yet then this migt a good place to restart.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (5 February 2017):
 You don't sound like you've actually brought it all into the open and talked about it. It seems like you've just moved back on together and trying to pretend nothing has changed.Ultimately, I don't think people should attempt to get past cheating without couples' therapy, as they tend to skim over it, rather than get it all out in the open to potentially move forward.Why does he see you take your pill? Is it by chance or deliberate?Maybe he just doesn't trust the pill, as it's not 100% effective.Did you get tested for STDs after the infidelity? If not, you need to and he does too, now.If you're having sex, you need to communicate about it and ask why he prefers doing that.OP, if you haven't talked about the infidelity in depth, you need to. You can't go back to the way it was before, but you need to find a successful way to move past this, if there is one. You can't do that without hashing out hidden emotions and the best way to do that is with an unbiased mediator.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): You obviously don't feel forgiven and the trust isn't there. You should be able to talk to him about this. It's a sign that things have changed. You both need to dig deep and root these feelings out if you want to keep moving the relationship forward. It will take time. Trust takes a lifetime to build but mere seconds to destroy. Be open about this if it's something that bothers you. Tell him. It will show him that you still beat yourself up about it and it will give him a chance to comfort you or at least tell you why he does it. It's not going to be easy and don't have to many expectations. It takes time and you both have gotten pretty far. Say when this happens it made me feel .... put it on you because they are your feeling.
Good luck P!
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (5 February 2017):
He neither trust nor respects you. Not that I blame him. But if it bothers you a lot you need to bring it up. You really can't move forward until all the issues of your infidelity are addressed.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 February 2017):
It might be just a growing sexual preference on his part. You changed, and he has as well. What was his response when you asked him?
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