A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy almost 2 years ago. He is very kind, generous, thoughtful, loving etc. I had just finished with a guy who I was with briefly who had none of these qualities. The problem is, I'm not physically attracted to him, he's average looking and is a good build but I suppose he doesn't turn me on. Another thing is, socially he is fairly quiet. I can be both, I find out-going people bring that side of me out, whereas quieter guys tend to make me quieter. I know he wants a future with me, but I'm not so sure. I risk if I break up with him, I might never meet someone again, I'm in my late 40's and have never been married. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (16 February 2017):
 I don't think you should just stick with him out of fear that you will not find anybody else as that is just cruel to him. If you are not sexually attracted to him well then that is a big minus in a relationship. Have you guided him in that department and told him what you like? Socially if he is not as out going as you would like then you need to ask yourself why you have spent two years with him? Look back on the history off men you have been with and ask what it is that makes you run?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Hi there, I tend to agree with female anonymous- it sounds like you get cold feet when things get serious. Most people figure out right away if there is physical attraction or not. If you were not ever attracted to this man, it would have been much kinder to end it right away. I don't really understand how you could get 2 years into a relationship and then realize that his looks don't appeal to you. That to me shows immaturity on your part. It sounds like he is certainly decent looking, with a good build as you say. But he doesn't float your boat because he isn't what I will call 'prince charming ken doll' type man...Again, this just seems like something an immature teenager would think who hasn't realized that love, and even sexual attraction, goes much deeper than surface looks. With that being said, I'm not here to tell you what to do. No one can MAKE you sexually attracted to this man. If it isn't there, the best thing to do is end it so he will be able to find someone who is crazy about him. But I will say, I have had a number of different boyfriends over the years. One or two have been really attractive in a traditional "ken doll" type sense....yet they were not particularly passionate people in bed. On the other hand, the couple of my boyfriends who were not what society would call super attractive, were absolute passion-freaks and turned me on like nothing else. Looks really don't matter at all if the sexual chemistry is high. I tend to think people who are very focused on looks, themselves aren't really as open-minded, passionate, and wild as those who really just let shared interests and zest for life dictate their partner. Now maybe you CAN have it all, maybe you can go out there and find the white elephant ken doll man who is also passionate, faithful, ...everything you want. Maybe he, like you, will rank looks up there as very important too. Then I wonder how he will feel after a few years when you get wrinkles and go through menopause...and time is worse to women than it is to men (usually).Go for what you want, just be sure that it really IS what you want before you dump this man. If you are bothered by his quietness and other qualities as well, then maybe you just aren't well suited. Maybe you are just using looks as an excuse when the overall chemistry is not there.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it  +, writes (12 February 2017):
I assume your boyfriend has a normal sexual appetite and will expect a normal sex life. Can you go on for years catering to his sexual needs under the current situation?
Your comments suggest that you are only with him because you might never meet anyone again. That's not a good reason to stay with someone. You need to be really excited about someone you want to marry.
Your relationship could well end up being a train wreck. There are much worse things than being single. It is time to break up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2017): Late 40's and never married?
Could this be an issue with YOU?
Have you met other similarly NICE guys before and then got cold feet as things got more serious for whatever the reason?
I used to have a friend like this. She was a serial dater. Never married. Late 40's. Always found fault in every guy she could have made it down the aisle with. And dumped them.
Are you sure you don't have some sort of psychological issues or roadblocks to marriage?
And are you sabotaging every male that has a chance? Do you feel fearful of commitment or a strong urge to bail?
Thought you might want to see it from another angle to really examine yourself from within.
By the way, last I heard, that friend is 50, still single and still sifting through men like Kleenex.
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