A
female
age
30-35,
*elissaT
writes:I've been seeing this guy for 4yrs now, we met when i was 16 and he was 36. He told me he was going through a divorce period with his wife and i decided to wait it out. he moved out his family home after two years for a quicker divorce process and rented an apartment for himself.In this time he takes care of me fully[financially]and rented a separate place for me. Now its 4 yrs and still he says his divorce takes time bc his wife dont want to give him a divorce. Two weeks ago i found out he is with a more accomplish woman that live on the same building with him. He has kept our relationship extremely private[not even his parents know i exist]. However i found out his parents knows about this new woman, and they love her because she is everything they want for their son. He does not know that i know about them. Apparently,she does not know i exist. what should i do? i am in love with this man, he tells me he loves me and that he wants a child with me, should i believe him? please give me a possible solution considering my unique situation.
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divorce, moved out, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, MelissaT +, writes (17 June 2010):
MelissaT is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you guys so much for your honest advice. You have no idea how much you are helping me. i am in the middle of this situation and i check this site 10 times a day to see if any new advice come me. obabycakesxx and carrot2000, thank you so much.Please keep the advice comming and i promise to keep u posted. am 20yrs old and he is 40yrs, he is expected to come over anytime now just to leave money and go. i know he is sleeping with this woman to comfort her every night. i sleep in a lonely house filled with food and drinks, and am hurting. I haven't call him all day yesterday and he didn't either, but last thing b4 he goes home last night to this woman he calls to say he will drop off money next day. I am secretly looking for a job. but still all i want to hear him say is that he loves me. but that is impossible now bc he is busy comforting her about the emails she found. my life is screwed up. ur advice soothes my mind, and bc of it i am gaining strength bit by bit to make changes.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 This man has THREE women he's involved with: you, his wife, and this new woman. Of the three,you are the one he is least concerned with. He's worried about his wife suing him for adultery, so she gets a degree of respect from him. He's introduced the new woman to his family and is trying to rebuild trust, so she gets a degree of respect from him. What do you get from him,other than your bills paid? Really, all he's doing is paying you to keep you a secret.
He is taking advantage of your naivete and you already know what's about to happen. The best thing you can do is to get a job or go back to school so you can support yourself.
Move on and let him be someone else's problem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): To both ladies here suck it up these men are using you and you should have waited until a divorce was final.
Move on I know it will be hard but I don't see a future with these men you speak about and find a man that will love you without being married or seeking a divorce or at least make sure it's final.
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A
female
reader, MelissaT +, writes (16 June 2010):
MelissaT is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis other woman found out about us one week ago after hacking into his email and view our most intimate conversation and our photos.I know this bc he says its his wife that hacked in but does not realize i know about this woman. Now he uses this email issue to keep lock up at his apartment with this woman trying to regain her trust; and makes me think that he is keeping away bc his wife will take him to court for adultery and he will lose all his assets.i pass his apartment 50x a day and at least one time i will see this woman going in his apartment. am hurting, he tells me the emails issue is tearing his life apart. he just refuse to tell me about this other woman, he wants to leave me for this more sophisticated woman but doesnt know how bc he makes me believe we will live together once the divorce is settle. please help me, please, my life is upside down. at this point i cannot support myself, i went to high school, he went to medical school, so does this other woman. i feel used. help
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A
female
reader, ohbabycakesxx +, writes (16 June 2010):
No, you should not believe him. If he really loved you, he would tell someone about you instead of keeping it a secret. Then there comes this other woman and suddenly she gets to meet his parents, but you "don't exist" ? Does that sound like love to you? It really sounds like he's just using you as an excuse to get away from him current wife. Either that or he's using you as a fallback just in case the girls he goes after don't accept him. He's supporting you financially to keep you with him; tricking you into thinking you love him. If he loves you, ask yourself, why hasn't he shown me to his parents? What romantic things does he do for me?
In my opinion, you should pack up and find a new man that truly means it when he says he loves you and will SHOW it.
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