A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I went out with this girl before, for a brief period, after being friends for a few months. She means a lot to me, but now I've come to university, we aren't together anymore.Anyway, we had a couple of arguments, and weren't speaking for a while, but we are now. I can't stop thinking about her, and am worried that I still have feelings for her, but I know she doesn't feel the same, and she has a new boyfriend now. I've tried it with other girls here, but there isn't the same spark that me and this girl have when we are together.Anyway, the problem is that when I go back home over Christmas, or the other holidays, I know that she is going to want to meet up, and I'm sure it will lead to other things, but not a relationship. Me being the person that I am, am sure I will let her effectively use me when I come back, despite me potentially having feelings for her.She is also quite a bit younger, and someone that I knew as a younger person when growing up, and my parents also know her quite well, so any relationship would be fraught with difficulties. What I'm trying to say is that right now it is killing me not being with her (as a friend or otherwise), and should I allow her to effectively use me when I get back, or try and forget about her?I know it sounds a bit complicated, but that is because it is extremely complicated.Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2007): She knows you're in the bag. Now she can go look for something better. If he hasn't got some of your qualities she can get these filled by you. If you want her, break contact altogether, she will either come back to you or not, but either way her boyfriend will have to earn his corn rather than having you help him out with all the hard work.
This way you keep your self respect.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey again,
Thanks for the response.
I'd just like to clear up the fact that I wouldn't do any of the above if she is still with her boyfriend when I go back home for Christmas, but I don't expect their relationship to last, as this is pretty typical of her.
Anyway, thanks for the advice.. I'm going to try and stop comparing girls with her now!
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A
male
reader, Zim +, writes (20 October 2007):
 My advice is simply to avoid any relationship above that of a friend with this girl.
She would use you for her own benefit which in the short term might seem quite attractive but will be wholly destructive for you in the long run. Think of it this way as well, would you like your girlfriend "playing around" with another guy whilst being in a relationship with them? I think not.
She is in a relationship with another guy, do NOT be tempted to let things get too far. For one thing you are not respecting her and secondly, if this is what she's going to do, she doesn't really respect you anyway so is it worth it?
But, I don't think she will. She's in a new relationship and she most probably just wants to be friends with you as you both got on so well. You never know, things might not work out between her and her bf and you might be able to see if you have a chance again.
One more thing, the reason you haven't felt this spark with other women at university is because you are comparing them to this girl. I know its hard as i've had a very similar difficulty in the past but trust me, I speak from experience here. Try not to think of her in that way and don't compare these new girls to her as it will not help and is, quite probably the source of your confusion. You see her as the spark in your love life and somehow no one else can match it. Therefore you want her again. Its a perfectly natural thing to do, but, you said yourself she does not seem interested plus she has a boyfriend. I think it is time you tried to move on again.
I hope that helps you out a bit. Listen to what your heart tells you.
ZIM
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