A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I'd love some advice on whether I should be unsettled by something I found out about my new bf of 4 months past or not. So far, things have been awesome, like he's too good to be true:) We met through work, and he's gorgeous, thoughtful, kind, caring. He took care of me when I was ill over Xmas, told me I was beautiful even though I looked awful from having the flu. He's told me he's falling in love with me and hopes I fall in love with him too. We're happy hanging out together, I've met his family and friends, and we seem pretty compatible sexually too.So, today he asked me to check his inbox for an email about something he's buying...clicked on the inbox and there's an email from an adult dating site. What can I say, I was curious, so I opened the email and there's a link to his profile! In which he describes himself as a man who loves sex, has had a one night stand before with someone he met online, and has had sex in a public place. It's the middle of those three things that kinda concerns me. It looks like he set up the profile 2 years ago, when he would have been single. And he hasn't read any of the messages sent to him in the last 6 months. But I'm just wondering if I need to be worried by this?We've talked about STDs and stuff before, and he said he's had checks, I have too, so we're relying on the pill for contraception.The other thing that worries me is that if he's done something like that before, he could easily do it again. I had been single for 1 year before we met, had been with my ex for 7 years until finding out he was meeting women from online adult dating sites too, so I guess that's why I'm a little freaked out.He had been single 16 months after his ex-gf cheated on him with a mutual friend.Other than that, he's done nothing to make me think I can't trust him. I was cautious at first, but I had been starting to let my guard down a little and was starting to feel comfortable that I could trust him until I saw that email. His friends are players but everyone tells me my bf is different to them, a true nice guy. Now I'm starting to feel stupid for trusting him, but am not sure if that's over-reacting.Do you think I should be worried?Should I just let it ride?Ideally, I'd like him to delete his profile on this site!I don't want to ask him about it, 'cos then he'll know I read an email that I shouldn't have opened. I do feel bad about doing that, but am kinda glad I did it now. Thanks for your help :)
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his ex, met online, my ex, one night stand, player, std, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): (OP) thanks for the great advice, guys
A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 I agree with Cerberus, that this doesn't need to be a problem. And if you address it soon and correctly, then it won't be a problem.
Remember, honest communication is important. Often you can avoid fights by addressing these kinds of concerns when they are small. Don't let it build because it will eat at you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): That's easy really, he probably knows what happened with your ex. So just talk to him tell him it makes you a bit uneasy. You completely trust him but it would ease your mind if he deleted it because he doesn't really need it anymore anyway.
That's it, don't worry about what he said on his profile don't even bring that up.
Just ask him if he would mind deleting the profile for you. That's that, no big deal.
I think he'll do it in a click of a button with absolutely no fuss and that's the matter resolved.
Say you feel bad about opening it but curiosity got the better of you, you weren't snooping because he asked you to check his mail and you know he wasn't hiding it from you because he asked to check his mail.
Click - Delete - Problem solved.
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