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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 23 years old and I still like going out and enjoying myself. All my friends are settling down with their boyfriends, moving in together or having children. I just don't feel ready for all of this! I still live at home with my parents although I am saving for a deposit for a house. I do have a boyfriend but I would rather be out with my friends enjoying myself. My friends say I should be starting to want to settle down and not go out every weekend.Does anyone think at 23 that I should be settling down? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. I dont want to settle down yet i feel i have a lot of living to do. I work full time and enjoy spending my money on nice clothes, holidays, my car and enjoying myself. Just three of my friends are settling down with their boyfriends and wanting a family and are making me feel i am in the wrong for still going out. Just wanted some other opinions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2015): That's crazy! I'm 23 in a couple of months myself. I work most weekend nights and hate that I miss all the best nights out. Who are these friends settling down at 23?? Thats NOT normal.I think you should definitely move out, but with friends or something. That's definitely a necessary middle step between parents and boyfriend. I live with 3 other people so it's affordable and I have freedom, not sure it classes as settling down, but being more adult maybe, on the surface, the reality is you can eat pizza for breakfast, cereal at night and build blanket forts in the living room yet still be seen as independent and mature.As for Not going out, that's ridiculous....that would mean we only have 5 designated years for fun. I have friends in their thirties who still come out with us...My parentsd didn't have me until their mid thirties and I can't imagine it any other way. Your 20's are meant for living, and gaining life experience so that by the time you are in your thirties, you are actually prepared for children.If you feel like you should change your lifestyle, now is the time to expand rather than tie yourself down....move in with friends, build a career, learn to drive, learn a new language, get tattoos, find a new hobby, meet new people, travel etc..
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2015): Everyone is different! Just do what you feel you want to do, if your friends are moving in different directions then maybe going out every weekend isn't for them - but you don't have a mortgage or children so you can carry on doing what makes you feel happy. There is no right or wrong time to do things, just go with how you feel!
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reader, deirdre  +, writes (25 May 2015):
Maybe your friends are saying these things to justify the fact that they moved too fast? Once you have kids there is no going back. They know that too, and they cant just go out when they want to now. I am 26 and I feel like this sometimes too, especially when I see photos of schoolmates on facebook with 1 or 2 kids. But there is plenty of time. Enjoy this time of your life while you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2015): O my god what are your friends even talking about? 23? Really? Isn't it the age that people do party like there is no tomorrow? At 23 some people are still in college, going to spring breaks and party it away. When you go out do you just go to clubs? If there are other form of entertainment then I don't see anything wrong with it, but if it's just clubs...then it's just my opinion though its a bit too much do it every weekend. Plus we all know what's going on in clubs. It's a heavy drinking and picking up scene. Plus nowdays people do drugs when they go to clubs, and honestly it's not much of my scene. I don't see anything wrong of being out every weekend. What's weekends are for? But people here are right. Certain entertainment you outgrow.,when you are older, late outing with booze usualy mean wasted day the next dayWith so many things to do grown ups prefer to skip nights like that but rather spend their weekends productively. But you are 23!! You just becoming an adult. Especially at this age nowadays NOONE gets married or have children before they are late 20s , early 30s. For women it's around 30 when they start thinking about settling down and having kids. For men even later. So, in my opinion you have good 5 years before anyone can tell you anything about your outings. And settle down when you meet someone todo it with. Not because of a certain age you become.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 May 2015):
 If you ask me, your question does not even quite makes sense, seeing that nobody, but nobody, wants to settle down at 23 here, and the average age for marriage is around 30 ,and for first child, 31.5 , or something along these lines. And that's ONLY in part due to economical difficulties, most of it, it's that life got longer, options for women more plentiful, and people feel they have TIME ( and a duty to themselves ) to explore them before " settling down ". What baffles me every time, is that a lot of similar questions to yours come from UK, where, - stats don't lie- things are very very similar, maybe just one year less in UK but no major differences , so I wonder WHERE all our posters get all these examples of early domestic bliss, but, anyhow- never mind, - just some curious coincidence I guess.
Anyway, no of course !, what's your rush ?
23 is very young by nowaday standards and current social mores and expectations. I feel that handling a full time job and a serious ,FOREVER ( at least in the intentions ) relationship, and a house and housework, and raising children, etc... may very well be biting more than you can chew at 23, and anyway , WHY should you chew it even if you were fully capable of that ?
Also, how would you go about " settling down ", like that, on command ? Do you mean you'd take on, and live with, and marry , the first guy with a paycheck and the will to share an accomodation with you ? Regardless if you love him / are in love with him, and of your long term compatibility ?
How does it work in practice ( and I am not being witty or sarcastic, just genuinely curious !)- you decide " it's time for me to settle down ", and the first one who shows up who can prove he is not violent or dangerous, ... deal done ?
If your friends are talking about your favourite way of spending your free time, they may have a point, in the sense that, with numerous exceptions ( I know a few 50something ! party boys and party girls ) by early/ mid 20es at most, the club scene starts feeling a bit stale to most people , they sort of NATURALLY outgrow it or expand it to other interests, it's like ,say, playing with Barbie dolls, it's not forbidden if you want still play with them at 16 and does not mean you are a moron , just that generally by that age one is more attracted, or also attracted, to other stuff. Then again, I guess you've got a couple more years to get sick of the club scene, - and / or , in fact, there's no need for you to abandon it totally, if you make an effort to know and learn to enjoy also different ways to entertain yourself.
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reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 May 2015):
 I didn't "settle down" til 27. Didn't have my first child till 30. I have no regrets there.
I got to get an education, have a career, travel, enjoy life as a single (and as a GF).
WHAT is the hurry?
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reader, mfj78 +, writes (25 May 2015):
HiSettle down when YOU feel ready. Committing to a house, a child or marriage is a huge emotional and financial investment. One not to be made to please or gain the approval of others or to compete with friends. Sadly on some level at least some of your friends will be doing these things to be in with the crowd. When I was around 23 a lot of my friends were getting married, having kids, buying houses, etc. and in many cases it was because others were doing those things that they jumped into such commitments. By the time I hit 30 most of those couples had split up, being left to bring up a child alone or had had to sell the house and move back in with parents. At 23 we are still maturing, developing and becoming an adult, despite how mature we think we are at that age. When you get older and look back you really appreciate how young 23 actually is. Its easy to make huge life decisions at 23 thinking you know what you want from your life and your future, only to feel very differently a couple of years down the line.When you are ready to start a family and are financially and emotionally stable enough to do so then and only then should you consider having a child. Living with a partner is a massive commitment and again only to be undertaken when you are pretty certain its likely to work.However at 23 you should be moving on from the things you did as a teen or early twenties. It shows maturity to leave behind those things to some extent. Im not saying you should have kids or get married or stop going out, but if your friends are moving on and starting a family and taking on a mortgage and so forth then the life of clubbing and partying ends for them at that point. If you are still doing those things they may grow apart from you. If, by your mid 20s, you are still out each weekend partying then others may see that as a sign of immaturity especially if you are at work or have a lot of friends who have left that behind.Mark
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