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Should I be reading books on how to interact with women or are there other successful strategies? I'm a virgin.

Tagged as: Dating, Trust issues, Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 9 January 2013)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Is it worth reading books like "The Game" by Neil Strauss or similar pick up methods with women?

I'm a virgin who has only had one girlfriend.

I am going back to college in two weeks and want to be able to get girls interested in me because my confidence is at an alltime low.

I would not mind a hookup or a serious relationship because any form of attention seems enough to me. The first girl to show interest in me that I like, would probably get me because that is the way it was with my ex. She was the first one to show interest in me my whole life.

I have read the first few pages of the book and it disgusts me because it makes it look like girls are really dumb and manipulated easily, but I am really desperate for some female attention. Do I keep reading or stop? What do I do?

View related questions: confidence, my ex

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (9 January 2013):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntKeep reading. The book focuses on women pschology in order for men to create attraction. Mysterys char is genius in any case look at the book as to how to talk to women verbally n nonverbally not as how to pick up chicks. Read david de angelos deep inner game n his dating books. Its about confidence teasing not approving n being a slight jerk to women but also funny n to be honest with the body I have my personality doesnt matter at all if gettin them to the bedroom is my only goal,

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2013):

k_c100 agony auntI've not heard of this book so I just googled it, and read the Amazon page for it - this is what came up:

Review

"The funniest book I have read this year." Tony Parsons

That pretty much says it all - this is not a book to be taken seriously, it sounds like it is just a story about certain men who spend all of their time picking up women. This isnt a self help book, this isnt going to teach you how to be confident around girls and how to meet normal women - these are not your typical men and women in this book, you wont meet these kinds of girls in your normal life.

So I suggest you put down the book, or read it if you want but look at it as if it were fiction, this isnt a book to live your life by.

I (as a female) have always liked this website - www.askmen.com

There are lots of helpful articles on here, it is basically a bible of all things 'man' - ok some of it should be taken with a pinch of salt (some of the writers are your typical chauvinistic pigs) but on the whole it isnt bad for advice on life and women.

From the way you write it sounds like you have the wrong approach to women - you say you want to 'get women interested in you', but that rarely happens. What you need to do is choose a girl you are interested in, then pursue her until she realises that she has become interested in you.

The easiest way to get experience with women and to find someone that might actually be compatible with you is to try online dating. Yes I know a lot of people will try and put you off it, however it really is the easiest way to meet lots of new people without putting yourself out there too much. You simply create a profile for yourself, then search the site looking at girls that live close to you and you can read their profiles to see if they have any interests that are similar to you. If you see one that you like, send her a message. If she doesnt message back, ok she's not interested. But the great bit about online dating is that you have access to thousands of girls, so if one doesnt reply you message another, then another...and so on, message a number of girls at a time so you can get an idea of who you like and who you are not bothered about.

If you strike up a conversation with one of them and enjoy talking to her, that's when you ask for her number and ask if you can take her out on a date. You have aleady done the hard work before the date, because you have gotten to know each other a little already. So on the date it wont be so awkward, you can carry on talking about the things you were talking about over email/text. This way you can get as much experience as you want of talking to and dating girls, and you never know, you might just meet someone you like.

If you really dont want to try online dating, then you are just going to have to do the usual things to meet women. Generally bars and clubs are the common places for meeting girls, and the easiest way to approach them is to wait until she goes to the bar for a drink, stand next to her at the bar and strike up a conversation (could be about the music in the bar/club, that kind of thing) and then ask if she would like drink. Buy her the drink, carry on chatting then if you have struck up a connection then ask for her number.

Unfortunately for men, you need to be the one that shows interest in the girl, not the other way around. Girls will rarely show guys any interest, because girls want to be chased. This is the way it has always been, men tend to have to be the ones to approach the girls first, ask them out on dates first etc. So you are going to be the one that has to do the hard work I'm afraid, instead of sitting around waiting for girls to come to you!

You will learn how to act around women simply by approaching them, yes you are going to get knocked back from time to time but the more you try the more you will learn. There are no 'methods' as such that work with girls, and chat up lines are often cheesy and girls dont like that. The best way to make a connection with a girl is to simply talk to her, show her that you think she is attractive, make her feel good (compliments), and make her laugh - then you are onto a winner.

There is no magic formula that is going to work with girls, all girls are different so whatever you read in books, magazines, online etc should always be taken with a pinch of salt because it isnt going to be a guaranteed method that works on all girls.

All you can do is make the best of yourself and put yourself out there - so make sure you look good, smell good, and get out there into the world. Smile at a girl you like, see if she smiles back, if she does then approach her. Talk about whatever you want, cheesy chat up lines are not required. Buy her a drink, ask her out on a date, pay for dinner when you take her out - it really is as simple as that. Girls dont ask for much, we like it when a guy pays on a date because it makes us feel like we are desired and makes us feel special, we like a guy who makes us laugh and who we can have fun with, and we like a guy who compliments us and makes us feel good because we are all secretly pretty insecure deep down.

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