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Should I be direct? Or not so direct?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 April 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 24 April 2010)
A male Nigeria age 30-35, *ruce lee writes:

When I ask a woman out in the future, should I use plain language or fancy language? Is it best to be direct, and simply say "Do you want to go out with me on a date?"

Or can it make things awkward if I am too direct?

What is the best way to ask someone out? Can someone help me here? Thanks.

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A male reader, bruce lee Nigeria +, writes (24 April 2010):

bruce lee is verified as being by the original poster of the question

bruce lee agony aunt Well, there are some really good answers here but it's not going to bring me closer to meeting a nice lady. As someone said if they don't like you, they won't go out with you no matter what you say.

But some guy said in the movie The Shawshank Redemption, you can't give up hope. "Hope" is a good thing.

I have to admit they make bloody good movies in America.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (24 April 2010):

Danielepew agony auntUse plain language, and not only when you're asking a woman out. Always.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010):

Man seriouosly everybody's different. Some people are apples others are oranges. And even when dealing with one single individual, even then, what they might be looking for or want is conditional to where they are at in life, how they feel about you or as simple as how they feel that day.

I say this because at different points in my life I have wanted different things. At times I liked a guy who was direct. At other times I liked guys who beat around the bush a bit. (It made it more challenging.)

For all practical purposes, if someone LIKES you, no matter what you say or how you say it (as long as you are not rude!) they will probably agree to go out with you. And if someone doesn't like you, no matter what you say or how you say it, they probably won't go out with you. Its usually that simple.

I don't know have fun with. Try different asking out techniques on different people and see what works best. That's the BEST way to learn and figure out what works best. Generally a bad idea to ask others for advice on this cause they are usually as clueless as you! lol. Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010):

It really depends on the scenario, but I usually think it is best to keep things 'light and breezy'. Chat and suggest something you could do together rather than using the word 'date'.

I always think it is better to have a first date in an informal surrounding, restaurants and movies can be awkward. Also, it is nice to be original in your approach.

What does she like? What do you like? Try and do something that is relaxed and interesting. Also, go for a day time encounter first off, it takes the pressure off a little.

I once met a guy at a bar and we were chatting and he mentioned casually, 'My friends and I are going to a lake tomorrow for a swim, would you like to come?".

I liked this, it was opening up another encounter to see me again, but it was not too formal, plus it was original.

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A female reader, YouWish United States + , writes (23 April 2010):

YouWish agony auntHave a destination in mind to go to, like tickets to a concert or a Broadway performance, or a specific movie or nice restaurant. Instead of asking a girl. "Hey, wanna go out sometime" and then fumbling after she says "sure", "yes", or "maybe", find out what she's into through light conversation, and, if, say, she's into rock music, say "Hey! I've got two tickets to Disturbed on Friday night and would love it if you'd accompany me!" That makes her excited, and also takes away the awkwardness of the whole "formal date" thing. Then suggest you grab a drink before or afterwards and voila! Instant chemistry!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010):

well I am a woman and I know that I prefer a man to flirt a little than ask, but be direct otherwise I don't know where I stand with them! But thats just me every woman is different!

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A female reader, hpoco Switzerland +, writes (23 April 2010):

hpoco agony auntUnfortunately there is no hard and fast rule. It depends on the person, people like and respond to different approaches differently. I always liked to be asked directly, and I think even with timid girls, eventually you should always be direct (just so things are clear). But, some women don't like that, and it is more of a risk for you. You have to change your approach slightly based on what kind of girl you want to go after. Either that, or you can decide that you only like girls who like being approached directly, and just do what you want!

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A female reader, Kassi (Nova) Canada +, writes (23 April 2010):

Kassi (Nova) agony auntDirect but casual always works best for me. Maybe the first date shouldn't be so formal- ask her out for coffee or a drink- just for an hour or two, and see if you click. If things go well, just tell her you'd like to go out again sometime, maybe to dinner.

After a few short, semi-casual dates (believe me, it'll keep pressure off for both of you), you'll have a better idea of whether or not she's interested, and what kind of pace she's willing to date at. Good luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010):

The best way to ask someone on a date is with style.

"Do you want to go out with me on a date" is not style. Nor is flowery words.

"I have two tickets to the last ever Powderfinger concert. Would you like to come along with me?" is style, assuming she hasn't told you beforehand that she hates Bernard Fanning.

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A female reader, Bethany1108 United States +, writes (23 April 2010):

Bethany1108 agony auntJust a simple, "would you like to go out with me sometime?" works wonders :). In my opinion anyway.

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A male reader, escribanus New Zealand +, writes (23 April 2010):

escribanus agony auntWell is different in every case but being direct usually is much better. But, remember to be polite and a fine gentleman.

To ask her for a date, be direct but romantic. If you do well, please don´t be rude asking for sex, just let the romance and magic to flow.

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