A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I ask out my doctor? I have a terrible crush on my orthopedist. Been seeing him for 6 months and just had my last appointment with him. He is supposed to call me next week with some follow up information... so I'm wondering if I should make a move of some kind? He has been very flirty while remaining professional, we clicked instantly etc. Definite chemistry. But he was my doc, and is 20 years older than me (I'm 34). I generally date older men but he doesn't know that. We are both single. Thoughts? I don't want to make a complete a*s of myself.
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female
reader, openfx +, writes (11 August 2009):
Isn’t the AMA great? Looking out for your best interests and all - Its true doctors are not allowed to date their patients past or present. I have a crush on my former doctor. To complicate things, I am married and so is he. I would never cheat and didn’t even think it was possible for me to develop feelings for another man until I met him. It was nice feeling chemistry for the first time in over 10 years. It gave me a lot of happiness. However, it’s time to move on and wish him well. Maybe our paths will cross again someday and we can be friends. Who knows?
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (31 May 2009):
 Oops, I wasn't aware of the rule that they couldn't date past patients, sorry!
If you are still going to pursue it, I think just by telling him he's great and that you won't have the visits to look forward to anymore is encouragement enough.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (31 May 2009):
 I have three doctors in my family, not one of them ever dated a patient. All of them married people in their profession by the way.
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A
female
reader, rhythmandblues2 + ♥, writes (31 May 2009):
Don't ask him out, I think he is being personable is all...and if he feels the same way he will find a way to ask you out, but I don't think he can for fear of getting sued or kicked off the medical board....doctors are not allowed to date their patients past or present.
You might just say you enjoyed meeting him and thanks for being a great doctor smile and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Thanks for your answers!! I don't want to say too much for fear of giving myself away. But I will NOT be seeing this dr again, had a broken bone that is healed now. He's a warm guy, his staff loves him and they always make a point to mention how great he is. We talk a lot about outside interests...and what he does on weekends etc. Maybe he does this with all his patients, I don't know. They all seem old and diabetic. But there is ELECTRICITY, and its like we could talk forever. Long glances...smiling at each other the whole time. Lots of self depricating humor that I enjoy. I'm always inclined to let the guy do the asking, but I know older men are sometimes afraid of seeming creepy, and the dr angle makes it tricky. Work thing is a great idea, tho I work with an ex and that could be weird. Hmmm. I just need something to say that makes my intentions clear without coming off crazy or putting myself to far out there, in case I've misread him. I know there is chemistry but maybe he's just enjoying the flirtation?... He's a fit handsome dude for his age. What a qundary! :)To make it all worse I accidentally wore a ring on my wedding finger last time (my middle finger was swollen). I saw him eyeballing it like crazy.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (31 May 2009):
No, I would not ask him out. I have dated many older men and I've learned they are the ones that ask you out if they are interested. If there is chemistry and he's flirting with you, chances are he will do this once you are no longer his patient- he'll find a way to keep contact but he could need a little help! The doctor/patient situation is a tricky one.
I've been in similar situations, not with a doctor, but with clients or I've been their client and what usually ends up getting the ball rolling is they find a way to take things outside work like giving you their cell or email so you can contact them if you have any "problems" or questions, etc... My dentist once gave me his personal cell and told me to call him anytime if I had any concerns or questions (this was after just getting my teeth cleaned) and I wasn't interested but I knew where it was going, he flirted with me a lot. He actually wrote it down, not just handed me his business card which is different.
Has he asked you any questions about your personal life? Your hobbies or things you like to do on weekends? You didn't mention what you considered to be flirting. If there's another appointment, You may want to mention while he's flirting with you if he's been to so and so restaurant (one in your area) and you've heard good things about it but never been and then immediately change the subject- plant the seed, so to speak. You don't want it to look like you are fishing for a response or make him feel awkward if he "isn't" interested.
Another way to go about this which has worked well for me is using your occupation as a way to give him an excuse to contact you about that. I was in insurance sales so guys that were interested in me would often start asking me questions about it and then it was easy to get them past the professional barrier and a nonthreatening way to exchange emails and start getting to know each other. Not sure what you do for a living but throw it out there and see if he starts asking you about it. If he drops it, then he's cutting off ways to further engage things with you- men are resourceful when they want something.
Once again, you didn't mention "how" he was flirting. The other thing to consider is that doctors now are getting a lot of pressure to be more personable and show more compassion for the patients. At the same time, they are also expected to keep tight boundaries so it's a delicate balance. Even if he is interested, asking him out directly could put him at risk professionally. What you may consider flirting, could be his awkward attempt at being more personable with his patients.
When he calls you, ask him how his weekend was and how he's been doing. Harmless enough, right? If he goes strictly to business and does not ask you any personal questions, just leave it alone. You can always tell him how great a doctor he is and how you normally hate going to the doctor but he's made the experience more pleasurable for you and it's too bad you won't have those appointments to look forward to anymore! Any normal man that has the hots for you will do something about that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): My advice is not to make a move on him. He is not allowed to have a relationship with a patient- past or present. Even if he feels the same way he can not persue it so he would have to knock you back. It is likely to make him feel very uncomfortable and you probably would not want him treating you again. Sorry, I know this is not what you want to hear.
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