A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi there everyone, i have a little dilemma that i don't really know how to deal with.I have a bf for about 3 years now and well recently, things have been hard on us with me being away and stressing out over exams. For some reason, we don't talk as much anymore. And even if we do, its normal at times and some times he gets pissed cuz im not talking to him. Currently, hes back in my home country which has like an 8 hour difference in time. So i would be studying in school while hes probably around dinner time. So like we would like snapchat a bit but not much chatting. And sometimes, he gets frustrated with me when i don't talk to him and i would say sorry but i have to prepare for exams and at the moment, my school is running an intensive 8 hours a day revision programme to get ready for the exams which is about 3 weeks away. So ive been feeling anxious as well about my exams cuz its the exam that determines if i can get into one of the top unis in london. So its sooo important to me. Just yesterday, i said that sorry i really needa continue studyin cuz i already let myself have a break and we were actually chatting about random things. But he answered me ' no talk to me til i fall asleep' i said i cant cuz its already evening in london so i needa get cracking. then he got pissed and didnt reply and started fighting with me today. Fact is, i know i love him dearly and without him in my life, it would feel kinda empty? Im not exactly sure how to describe it without sounding cliche. But it just feels like something is lacking i suppose? But to add to this, i am kinda attracted to this guy in my class but I'm not like in love or like have a crush on him or something related to that. I just have this attraction to his kindness and how nice he is. Im not doing anything to like pursue this guy cuz i just dont want to. He's nice and all and we talk in school like classmates. But i just cant help but be attracted to how nice and gentlemen kind of personality. Maybe because back in my home country, i dont find people like this. So maybe its just smtg different. IdkWhat should i actually do about this? Like i feel like asking my bf for a break just until i complete my exams and return to my home country. He will be coming back to uk for his own exams too. (we're studying different programs and hes currently on easter break)Sorry clearly im a bit jumbled cuz i have a lot on my mind. I recently lost my grandmother and nobody wanted to tell me and i found out in the worst possible way and then my bf gives me a hard time and exams.Sorry again if this sounds like a rant but then again, i really have nobody to ask for advise about this. So pleaseeeee some words of wisdom would be nice. Thank you.
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a break, crush, grandmother, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (20 April 2017):
You don't want a break you want a breakup. Relationships run their course. It sounds like this one has. Heck you already have your eye on another guy.. Break up. Do it quickly and forget the breakup stuff as it will only give your bf false hope.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 April 2017):
 IF you feel you need to TAKE a break from your relationship then something IN the relationship is not working. I think he is being UNREALISTIC with the amount of contact you have time for on top of your school work. BUT where there is a WILL there is a WAY.
When my husband was deployed overseas contact could be very sporadic and it sucked. So I WROTE him an email EVERY day so he knew what was up at our end. Not saying YOU have to write him every day but maybe you CAN spend 5 minutes here and there to write to him since Skype/Snap chat might be hard right now.
The new guy? No, don't MUDDY the water here. You don't take a "break" from a relationship so you can take a new guy on a test-ride. And while he SEEMS VERY lovely (the guy at school) I think the reason he is SO attractive to you is because HE IS THERE in the flesh (so to speak) it's someone to talk to without tech, someone to laugh with, sit next to - it's HUMAN INTERACTIONS. Simple little things that WE ALL need.
OF COURSE, you feel things are lacking in your relationship. You are NOT there for each other. He hasn't been there helping you deal with your loss of your grandmother and he feels you can't be bothered to try and find time to talk to him. LDR's are NOT easy. You can't call the other and say:" hey come over, I need a hug." The physical part of the relationship is JUST not there. LDR's have an expiration date, so to speak. At some point, it just goes from relationship to penpals. There HAS to be a PLAN for being together in the SAME location.
If you feel the relationship is DUNZO, then END it. Don't string the BF along with an " I just need a break while studying for exams"... Because that is bullshit. Your BF should understand that YOUR education has priority over "chatting" with him.
So you NEED to have a chat with the BF, and you TWO need to either swim or sink. Either you find a compromise so you can still talk and keep each other invested in this relationship or you break up. YOU not putting your education and study time as top priority IS NOT an option and your BF really needs to accpet and respect that.
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