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Should a woman pay for drinks? his drinks?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 9 March 2015)
A female United States age 36-40, *ruthplease writes:

Should a woman pay for drinks? I have been out with this guy 2 times, the first time he paid for drinks the second time he paid for drinks. Both times I offered to pay but he said he would. The third time we went out in a group so he did not offer to pay for me we just paid separate.

Then when the group left we went to a bar and he said he had to go to the restroom so I said ok I'll sit here and wait for you then turned around and said 'can you buy me a beer' and to be honest I was shocked.

Because no guy that I recently met has ever asked me to buy him a drink, anyway I did it and he got back before I paid for it but he still let me take care of the bill.

Anyway that was fine but super weird and had never happened to me before.

Now the next time we all went out as a group he also did not offer to pay for me and then when we went to the bar I was going to buy a beer not only did he not offer to buy it he said he would just share mine with me!

He has a well paying job and can definitelty afford things. So is this normal?? I am so turned off...

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015):

If I go out with a guy for drinks, I don't expect him to pay. Going out for drinks is very casual. So if he pays for a few rounds I have no problem picking up a few rounds myself.

Now if he asks you out on a legitimate date, such as out to dinner, then I expect him to pay. And I would take issue if he didn't.

This was not a legitimate date, this has just been out for drinks. You guys go out to get drunk. Really shouldn't expect too much.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (9 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony aunthe paid twice... now it's your turn.

this is not the 19th century when women did not work or the 20th century when we made so much less than men.

IF you want to be treated equally then behave equally.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015):

well in all fairness he paid for the first two dates didnt he .

I am old fashioned and feel its always up to a gent to pay for things but in this day and age that is becoming less and less .

Also a lot of women like to feel been treated fairly so this can be confusing for some men.

also he might be thinking is this women only interested in me for paying for things as we have been out twice and I have paid for things .

go out again and see how it goes but you shouldn't expect your drinks brought for you all the time .

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A female reader, foxgirl88 Ukraine +, writes (9 March 2015):

Of course, you should not in any case!!!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (9 March 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt I don't find it so shocking. You went out one - on- one the first two dates, he paid it all - textbook. Call it silly or hypocrisy or " bait and switch " but in general the first dates , the man pays- if nothing else to make it clear it's a DATE and not just hanging out with pals. Then, you went out in a group, and you paid individually, or one round each when you were alone - that's normal too.

Not many men nowadays want to put things on such a chivalrous - or old fashioned , according to the points of view - foot, to take care forever of all your drinks and dinners when you go out . Some do and some more won't, and that's OK too .

It does not matter if he 's got a job and can afford it, you've got a job too and can afford it too, don't you ?.

What I agree is,maybe it was not too elegant of him ASKING you to buy him a drink. But maybe he did it on purpose, seeing that he had paid the previous times, and you had not made an attempt yet to offer him one, or at least to say, let's drink but let's go Dutch this time. The message was- hey do not get too comfy, you'll get the OCCASIONAL free drink, but normally we should take turns or pay individually.

If you prefer a kind of guy who acts more protective, attentive, old fashioned, chivalrous, generous etc. etc, whatever you want to call it, fine, it's your preference , it just suits your tastes better.

Then again, I would not feel like calling the guy a jerk or a cad only because , as Honeypie says he does not think " ovaries = free drinks ".

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think it's sort of normal.

I'd pay for my own drinks, honestly. He can then pay for his. Taking turns is fine too.

One thing though, I'd NOT want to share a drink with anyone. IF a guy is THAT cheap get a glass of tap water. but you stay out of my DRINKS!

Part of me thinks this is how things are these days, and part of me think he is testing your limits.

Doesn't really matter what kind of job he has, you are NOT entitled to have everything BOUGHT for you because he has testicles and you have ovaries.

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