A
male
age
41-50,
*qua2009
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. She is 20 and I am 30. We have always tried to have normal sex but she gets scared and sometimes even cries about the subject. She really wants to have sex and I believe her. Every time we try she will not let me from instinct of always saying "no". She won't let me have a angle to make penetration, her legs fight me with extreme tenseness, Then she gives up and cries. Its sad. I feel like our intimacy level lowers slowly from this process of denial? She has tried so many times to make it work, only to fail. It bothers her a ton. We have seen theraypist's but they recommended another woman who wanted to use these sized cylinder objects from small to large, but when they take them out, poof! she gone! Also, she has only seen a gyno once. Cries there too! One lady said it was vagosis or something? This is all in addition to the fact she will perform anal. Won't touch herself or even let me finger her? I will add that we ARE in love. I don't mind waiting and there isn't a lot of pressure from me, a little maybe, but when we fight she always resorts to "We have to have sex or we might as well end it" I truly love her. How can she just relax? Please help Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2009): As the other comments have said, it would help if she could see a therapist who knows what questions to ask, and how to find out why she acts the way she does. It does not mean that she has repressed a traumatic experience!So what can you do?Fist, give up the idea of having sex, at least for now. Even if she says she wants to try, don't. Try re-building your intimacy in a way that does not involve any penetration. Spend time just being naked together. Touch and kiss her as close as you can without making her uncomfortable. Try and get her used to your hands/lips being on her legs, belly, buttocks, etc. If she is completely relaxed, try rubbing her, but ask her permission first. Don't do anything to surprise her, and make sure she is completely relaxed and comfortable before you move closer. If she gets uncomfortable with whatever you are doing don't just stop and get dressed - move away and just kiss and cuddle her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear.Good luck, and I hope you work things out.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2009): Are you sure she doesn't have some trauma from her childhood? The only way to overcome that is for her to recall the memories and process them...on other words, therapy. I am sorry such a wonderful thing like sex is so painful for her, she is missing out on a huge joy in life. You are very patient, bless you.
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