A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel a bit strange asking a question about sex, but I guess why not?I met a girl backpacking. We traveled together for a month and things moved pretty fast. To the point that I find myself living with her in Canada.I enjoy having sex with her because, well, I love her. At the same time it has always felt kinda mechanical. Just two positions, her on top until she comes, me on top until I come. I figured she was inexperienced (like me) and that was why. Turns out she's not. Been with a fair few guys and seems like it was pretty kinky. I was lucky enough to stumble upon photos of her and her ex.I guess I am starting to feel like maybe she is not into me physically. She never seems that interested in my body, never goes down on me - though it seems she did with her ex - and only seems interested in coming when she is on top, and then letting me do the same. This bothers me severely. It's kind of hammering my confidence. I may not be as attractive as the guys she's been with, but I would have thought loving me would bridge that gap. Perhaps I am ordinary in bed. I have no idea.Not really sure what to do in this situation. Bring it up? Deal with it in the knowledge she loves me? How exactly does one broach a subject like that?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Just talk to her about it. Hopefully she will open up some.
If she won't go there then I would probably leave to be honest. When a girl has been dirty before then no self-respecting guy wants to be the guy that she only plays nice with later.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Does she know you found picture? If so, then the cat's out of the bag. If not, it may not be great to mention it or bring up her past, but I am of th ebelief that the only way you can resolve a problem completely is to attack the root cause. In this case, it is the awareness of her sexual past brought about by the pictures. Do you think you can mention that you saw them without looking insecure or pissing her off? If she loves you, she will understand that your reaction is normal given what you found. The question is, did you find them due to no fault of your own, or were you snooping?
I think it sucks, but a sick fact of life that we cant always be the lovers we want to be. With some women we dont care about, we might be the best in bed. With others we desperately want to impress, we are not as good as someone else. When you find out about a "better" ex lover...it fucks with your ego. But you mention one thing that is key...love. Love trumps all guys before that were just good lays. Keep that in mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2010): Yeah do not bring up her ex boyfriend, just because she did it with one guy does not mean she is going to do it with the next one. You really are just going to have to talk to her about it. Again do not bring up her past but that you wish you could do dfferent positions and more oral sex
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (17 December 2010):
 Give her the coffee table version of Kama sutra for Christmas... Lots of fun ideas in there.
Also, some women start out as wild and "untamed" in the bedroom but starts to slow down and be more reserved over the years, usually because some guy said/did the wrong thing. Many girls are also raised with the "standard" good girls don't go buck-wild in bed if she wants to be a keeper, and some jsut aren't that wild. My guess is, with your GF, that some guy said something that made her think being wild in bed was cool but..... inappropriate.
And Dirtball is right - DO not bring up her past or past BF's.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 December 2010):
 The only way to deal with something like this is to talk it out. Don't bring up her past, but talk about how you want to try some new things. Tell her you feel it's mechanical and want to change that.
There really isn't an easy way to talk about something like this. It's best if it's done in a non-accusal way. "Honey, I'm starting to feel some things that I want to discuss with you so they don't become a problem. I hope you'll talk to me about it. I feel like our sex life isn't what it could be, and I'm not sure why. I want..."
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