A
male
age
41-50,
*icholas
writes:we have been in a true relationship with girl for 8 years with a promise to marry soon.we've never played sex and now the girl has started putting me off despite dedicating my life to her okay when weve any crisis she always say am the one who started the crisis, anyway she doesnt accept her mistakes. I am dedicating my life to her. please advise since and i dont want to leave her. please advise Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Alright, Nicholas. Ask yourself: ARE you the one who starts the crisis? Take a good, hard look and see what comes up in your own mind. Have you discussed with this with any of your friends and family? If so, what's their "take" on your situation?Eight years is quite a long time to be in a relationship. You have dedicated your life to her, but I wonder if whether for her, your relationship may have simply run its course? People grow and change in that length of time, and its possible that she is no longer emotionally now where she was when you first started dating.I realize you don't want to leave her, but at this point it would be a good idea to sit down (when you are both calm and relaxed) and have a discussion regarding what you both want, and how you see your future. It MIGHT be that she sees a future which does not include you. It might also be that she does want to marry you but that there are some things that trouble her. Whatever it is, you won't (and can't) know unless you're both willing to talk and listen in an open-minded, non-judgmental (which is to say, not in an accusatory or blaming) way.Yes, there are risks in having such a discussion. To love someone is to risk being vulnerable and getting hurt. But if you want this relationship, its necessary to "go for" it - AND if its not what she wants, you can be set free to grieve for a time, and eventually seek out someone who can and will love you and be equally dedicated. This is the honorable, ethical and decent thing to do.
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