A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, I fell for a younger girl whom I was friends with for several years -- we're both artists and have come to respect each other's work, and after interacting with her for a while I do think that she might have some interest in me. I actually asked her out once when we first met -- that was sort of done on a whim and she was seeing another guy at the time so she turned me down politely. Embarassing, but we were still able to maintain our friendship.A year passed, she graduated from college, and things changed a bit. She began to show interest again and I considered asking her out a second time. The problem is that I found that that she was "sort of" seeing this friend...whom she does not acknowledge as her boyfriend, but they are actually living together. The situation is kind of weird because the guy comes from a rich family and his parents basically gave him a nice house to live in. After graduation she and her friends moved into his house for cheap rent -- I'm not sure if it's because of the bad economy or because she wasn't ready to join the workforce, but her financial situation wasn't looking too good after a while. That's sort of when he started making the moves on her, to the point where they were living together exclusively at a different location. (Yes, he's rich, he has another house.) She hasn't been looking too happy as of the late, but she's moving back with her family in a month so at least the situation is temporary. After that who knows what'll happen, and I don't think she does either. If she finds the money that important, then she may decide to go back with him.Anyway, after thinking it through it's pretty clear that she doesn't know what she wants at this point so I've been trying to keep my distance from her. The whole situation at the house kind of bothers me, especially since it's basically him living with a bunch of girls who's currently financially dependent on him -- the fact that he's their friend can't also be too good. So I'm probably never going to go back there again, mostly because I don't want to implicitly condone that type of lifestyle.But the girl still considers me to be a good friend so she invites me to their house parties and it seems like she really wants me to come. I guess the question is, what would be better to do -- tell her what I really think, or should I just make excuses not to go until she figures out what she wants? We see each other pretty often so the invitations are likely to come up quite a bit. I
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): The way people get attached to each other and fall in love is by spending time together...so, you have nothing to lose by going to her parties.
What are you going to do if she does fall for you? She obviously likes someone to take care of her. Be prepared to become that someone if you pursue her and succeed. She is not going to be your 'partner' and cannot be counted on to carry her own weight.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): This is the original author --- just to clarify, she knows that I'm interested in her. There are signs that she might want to reciprocate, but her living situation at this point doesn't allow for it. I understand that what she wants to do is her choice and all I can really do is wait.
Mostly I was wondering what I should say when she invites me to these events -- I don't like lying, but I'm not sure if telling her my opinion of her living situation is going to do any good or not. Any advice?
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A
female
reader, msvee +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Well, she just doesn't seem like the kind of person who's looking for anything serious right now and kind of sounds like she would be willing to be his more-than-just-friends-person in exchange for the house, which really if you think about it, is not a good reflection on her. You could talk to her, would probably stop the invitations too, but do you think it would do any good? Maybe she's more than what she seems to me; you do know her better. So think about it - will your talk be effective and do you think things will go the way you think they should afterward?
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