A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I have been talking to this girl online for roughly 3 weeks. We matched on dating app. I’m 27 and she is 36. First time I have flirted with someone few years older and it has been a pleasant surprise. We have been talking a lot, common interests, tells me she finds me funny and good banter. She has been hinting at meeting and I had to pull out last time due to injury from rugby the same day. She lives an hour away, and has been asking if I am going to be in her area at all. I have been working long hours so therefore it has been difficult. I was definitely thinking of planning something and than she says she near my town to meet a friend for lunch and as it’s near me she was wondering if I would be available. I said yes and she was quite happy about it. Now my question is how do I approach this? I’m surprised she is quite eager especially if I’m a few years younger. Or am I over thinking this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2018): So did you go on the second date?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2018): We had our first date. Started with a pint, we ended up at bars still 6hours later. Things got a little heated, she was happy with staying over but I had work. So left it at that. Onto the next date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2018): I think you should put age aside and base everything on the chemistry between you. You've met online, but you haven't met in-person; which is what really determines how things will go.
Don't get inside your head; because you will over-process and overthink things. You have nothing to go by; but good conversation at this point. Getting too far ahead of things and over-analyzing the details will ruin it for both of you.
There's a bit of distance to cover between you; so be practical, and don't go making promises you won't keep.
Don't let her rush things; she's a bit too eager.
You're still a stranger; and she shouldn't let herself get too excited, before she knows more about you. That could be an indication she thinks you like her; and there's certainty something will come of it.
Make sure you don't have first-night sex; or pretend to like her, and bail-out on her if you plan another date.
I don't know why; but I sense she's a little desperate, and you're too nervous.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 June 2018):
 There is a double standard as to how you are perceived, but two of my best friends have an age gap where the woman is also 9 years older than the man. They met when he was 25 and she was 34, and they married at exactly the ages you are now (27 and 36, respectively). They have two children with zero defects whatsoever, and they've now been married for 24 years. No one bats a single eye whatsoever about it!
The real logistical hurdle I see isn't your age, or your desire to have kids or not, since I've seen people like you work out on both fronts. The real hurdle is the distance. THink you could do a LDR?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 June 2018):
 Her age is not a huge deal (for now) So I wouldn't focus on that. I think meeting her in person would be a good idea as you can see if there is a mutual attraction and how well you get on in person.
With that said, DO not meet at your place. Meet for coffee, a pint or something like that. If you hit it off, make plans for next meet up, perhaps.
If the age difference is something that nags you, then I would suggest you move on. 9 years is not a big gap at your age for some, for others... it is.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 June 2018):
 Yes I would consider someone younger. Many older women are past the age where their world would be over when a romance is finished. They are aware that younger men would want children one day even if the women don't. The men might one day move on to a younger woman to marry and have children. That's a reality but they can accept it with grace. Not every relationship has to end up with marriage and kids. Any relationship has the potential to inspire you and to create fond memories. When you meet up you can ask what her life goals are. If she is as open minded as you are there are possibilities that this union can bring you joy.
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