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She wants me to cum in her face but I respect her too much to do that...

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 October 2010) 25 Answers - (Newest, 5 November 2010)
A male Canada age 26-29, *ust wont do it writes:

Ok guys dont give me hell or call me a pansy.

My gf asked me to cum in her face while she was giving me a blow job last week, and I totally froze up and couldnt do anything. I have watched it in porn and I dont see it as a turn on at all. Honestly I find it actually disrespectful and degrading and I could never imagine why any girl would want that done to them. I respect her way too much to do that to her. I think maybe if it was some random hook up with a girl I didnt care about then maybe it would be different but personally I dont think it would, any ways. she keeps asking me saying she just wants to experience it once, which I feel bad about because I know she has doen things I want to try before. Should I just give in and do it for her or do I try to explain to her my reasoning.

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A male reader, Dizme United States +, writes (5 November 2010):

Ok you are not a panzy. I can't do it either. Not sure why but just can't and trust me I have tried. I do find it degrading and the funny thing is I find it erotic in porno. It is something to work up to I guess. I really don't know. I have never had that request but I have even had girls ask that I cum in their mouth and couldn't. Kissing thing for me, feel weird about it. I guess the best thing to do is talk to her about it and let her know that you will try.

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A female reader, desirewhitefire Austria +, writes (4 November 2010):

desirewhitefire agony auntMy exboyfriend asked me if I would let him do it to me. I'm usually gung ho about anything, so I said sure. And when the moment came, he couldn't bring himself to do it either. So even guys who think they want it really don't want to anyway.

Tell her that you just simply can't do it, but if it would make her happy try coming on her chest or stomach once. That has happened to me before and it was a turn on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010):

Talk to her about it yes. But there's nothing wrong about it and she's the one asking for it. Besides, who knows? If this is something she likes or wants to experience if you don't do it to her maybe she'll feel compelled to find someone else who will.

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A female reader, PatientlyWaiting1 United States +, writes (30 October 2010):

I definitely understand your reasons. I would not like that at all and would feel very disrespected but she has different views so that is a tough one.

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A male reader, slimfish New Zealand +, writes (29 October 2010):

slimfish agony aunti dont think its disrespectful if the girl asks for it, quite the opposite in fact. she sounds fine with it, so do it.

while its o.k. to put limits on each other, sex is about fun and enjoyment. its rare to find a girl who knows what really turns her on and is willing to act out these things.

what she has done in her past is her business unless she shares it with you.

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (27 October 2010):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntIt might be a nice idea to respect her enough to trust that she would not feel degraded if you did that. I love having cum on my face myself and I don't find it detrimental to my self-respect in the least bit. I love the feel of the warm gooey stuff on my cheek and chin. It's exhilirating and if anything, knowing that the guy has cum on my face because either he couldn't control himself while I was sucking him (another power trip but that's a different story) or because he obeyed my request for him to cum on my face...it's anything but disrespectful!

No one should force you to do something you don't want to, of course, but do consider whether your reasons are legitimate.

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A male reader, deadwalk India +, writes (27 October 2010):

deadwalk agony auntHey come on brother sex is pleasure u cannot show kinda courtesy in this thing while u having sex if that given your pain that's really make her satisfied as u only told u respect her? Just give what she wants its really makes her happy if u want she have to be happy all the best

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

OH PLEASE!

Your GF asked you to perform a specific sex act because it turns her on. You owe it to her to provide reasonable accommodations to her requests and occasionally provide the request so long as it doesn't put you in harms way. This is part of being a good, giving and game lover.

What if she's asked you to fuck her in the ass (my GF did, and I accommodated her and learned that it was a huge turn on for her), what about bondage? She's asking you to do this because she KNOWS you respect her!!!!

You appear to have the same attitude as men did years ago, where they hired hookers to blow them as they couldn't ask their wife to suck their dicks. You'd hear things like, "not with the mouth that kisses my children!"...

You need to learn how to accommodate her as a lover and loose the judgment. Her request is pretty tame, and obviously it's important to her. The LAST thing you want to tell her is that you're not going to do it because it not something nice people do... just call her a whore and kick her.

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A female reader, smiliek Australia +, writes (27 October 2010):

smiliek agony auntI dont mind when my fiance does that, but only sometimes (and with pre warning lol) i dont find it degrading, rather its kinda a turn on knowing that i pleasured him that much.. So saying, if you really dont want to, dont. Noone should do anything they dont want to. Perhaps you could compromise, come on her boobs instead? Doesnt get in the eyes and sting but its still a similar idea.. If you like that and you both want to try, then you could try on her face. But only if you both choose to. Good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

Theres one thing when a man does it just to do it and the woman doesnt want it and another when she asks. If she's asking for it, youve already established respect with her and she feels comfortable with you and if she didnt feel comfortable with you facializing then she wouldnt ask you or even bring it up. You can degrade a woman with such an act but in porn its different as those women are pure whores and thats there job to portray it as. In your case, itd be thru a healthy sex life and respectful one. Thats my take and if that was my girl, I wouldnt hesitate as I consider that a privilege. You can always try it and if you dont like it, dont try it again. Then of course if youre just very uncomfortable, no one can force you bro. Its good you have a conscience here and I commend you for it. Good luck.

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A female reader, charliesdevil73 United States +, writes (27 October 2010):

charliesdevil73 agony auntI am with you on this one, I think it is disrespectful and degrading. I like men to dominate sometimes, but not like that. On the other hand, some women are really into that type of domination. So, I say talk to her about your hangups on this. Use the words disrespectful and degrading. If she still insists tell her you will do it once. Maybe she will think it is entirely gross and never want you to do it again. Maybe she will like it and you will realize that it's not that bad. Either way, you are allowing her to have her turn to get something that she wants to try in bed. Good luck with this one.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

You have confused your partner's desires during sex with her desires outside the bedroom. They really are different worlds. One of the joys of sex is behaving with abandon with someone you trust and doing things that are not your usual self. That's one of the reasons that sex forms such bonds between people.

Lots of feminist-minded women like a bit of domination in the bedroom. That doesn't mean that they'll be told what to do outside the bedroom. And then there's the example of rape fantasies: lots of women have them, some women roleplay them in the bedroom, no women like the reality.

So ease up on the analysis when in bed -- no one likes to be a partner with someone who is judging them. If she wants you to cum in her face and it doesn't set off any primal issues in you, then let go, meet her desire, and leave your judgements outside the bedroom door.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010):

I agree that you have every right to be bothered by the idea. Face cumshots were never my thing either.

But at the same time, try not to make too big of a deal about this whole subject.

The fact that she wants you to do this suggests that she wants to bring out her naughtier side with you. If you won't indulge it this way then she will be looking for another way sooner or later. Or else she will bottle up this side of herself because you don't like it but it's still gonna be there. This is part of her sexuality and you probably need to start getting your mind around it and seeing her in that way a bit more.

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (27 October 2010):

person12345 agony auntThere should be more guys like you.

Just tell her you're uncomfortable doing it. You absolutely don't have to do anything sexually you aren't comfortable with. If you don't want to do something, she needs to accept your answer that you're just not willing to do it. I agree with you, it is extremely degrading to her. My guess is she's seen it done and thinks it will be hot.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (26 October 2010):

chigirl agony auntYou should just tell her you find it a turn off, but you are willing to do it once for her to experience it and for the fun. But that you don't find it sexual and would not like to do it again.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010):

You seem like a pretty well-respected guy and for that I admire you. I think any girl would be happy to be with a man who has that kind of respect and dignity towards a female. If you feel uncomfortable performing, sit your girlfriend down and sincerely tell her how you feel. Im sure she will understand and will respect your decision. Besides, what are relationships for if you can't compromise with eachother's differences and come to a mutual understanding? Don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do. Because eventually it will not end well. Its just not worth it. Its about respect and trust. If your girlfriend cant manage that, tell her to find someone who will satisfy her needs. I hope that helped a little. Good luck my friend.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntI'll say this, those girls are rare gems that want you to finish on their face. A lot of women don't like it. I don't like it on my face because yes it does burn your eyes, clouds your vision a little, and is hard to get out of your hair unless you wash your hair afterwards. Myself, I like it in my mouth..but that's my personal preference. If you can stand to do it, she's just requesting it once, she may not even like it. However if you aren't comfortable doing so, then explain to her your reasons for being against it. It doesn't turn you on, you find it degrading and disrespectful, and you respect her. Just be straight with her on this one, she'll respect your decision if she's any kind of girlfriend.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntI'll say this, those girls are rare gems that want you to finish on their face. A lot of women don't like it. I don't like it on my face because yes it does burn your eyes, clouds your vision a little, and is hard to get out of your hair unless you wash your hair afterwards. Myself, I like it in my mouth..but that's my personal preference. If you can stand to do it, she's just requesting it once, she may not even like it. However if you aren't comfortable doing so, then explain to her your reasons for being against it. It doesn't turn you on, you find it degrading and disrespectful, and you respect her. Just be straight with her on this one, she'll respect your decision if she's any kind of girlfriend.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntI'll say this, those girls are rare gems that want you to finish on their face. A lot of women don't like it. I don't like it on my face because yes it does burn your eyes, clouds your vision a little, and is hard to get out of your hair unless you wash your hair afterwards. Myself, I like it in my mouth..but that's my personal preference. If you can stand to do it, she's just requesting it once, she may not even like it. However if you aren't comfortable doing so, then explain to her your reasons for being against it. It doesn't turn you on, you find it degrading and disrespectful, and you respect her. Just be straight with her on this one, she'll respect your decision if she's any kind of girlfriend.

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A male reader, Kenj United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2010):

Kenj agony auntWell if she has done things you want to try before then give in and grant her wish. A relationship is about give and take, it may be a turn on to her its not as if you will hurt her by doing that - just try and avoid her eyes aparantly it hurts like hell ;-)

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

dirtball agony auntIf you respect her then wouldn't you want to fulfill her wishes? If she wants it, then it wouldn't be out of disrespect or to degrade. As long as your intent is pure there is nothing wrong with the act. I think that because she has tried things she wasn't keen on because you requested it, then it is only fair that you do the same for her. Like dancergirl said, explain your reasoning but do what she wants this once.

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

Stayc63088 agony auntWell I'm going to disagree here. If it truly bothers you then explain that you really don't want to and don't. If a girl came on here saying she was uncomfortable with something sexual and her boyfriend wouldn't let it go then everyone would say he was an ass and to dump him. Not once would they say she should do it anyway to make him happy. My boyfriend isn't okay with some things I wanted to try but that's fine, I wouldn't want to do anything that would make him uncomfortable, then it is unenjoyable for everyone. If you think you could try it for her then go ahead but if you really hate the idea and are really against it then don't just do it anyway.

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A male reader, OlSarge United States +, writes (26 October 2010):

OlSarge agony auntJust do it if she wants you to. For one it will wash off, it's not like you are pouring acid on her face. I will do it every once in awhile (mutually agreed upon) to my wife and when its over with we will both just laugh because of how silly the whole act really is. In the end it turns into a funny positive for us with no kind of disrespect taken or given by either.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2010):

personaly i agree thats its gross. it makes a huge mess and its just all around yucky. but if she really wants you too, then let her have it once, maybe she will decide she doesnt like it. uve asked her to do stuff u wanted, i say turn about is fair play.

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A female reader, dancergirl United Kingdom +, writes (26 October 2010):

dancergirl agony aunti think you should explain your reasoning, but if she says she honestly wouldnt mind doing it once then you should just go for it, show her you love her enough to do anything for her.

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