A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife of ten years just told me that she wouldn't mind an open relationship but doesn't have one because she knows I wouldn't be able to handle it. Should I be worried that she has those thoughts of other men? She also states sex is not love for her just a means of getting off. I dont know what to think should I be greatful she doesnt give into her feelings for others or is this the beginning of problems to come? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell since my last posting me and my wife started to talk more about other issues in our marriage. We have agreed to go to counseling together and individualy. We are both dealing with issues she is dealing with issues from her past and I with what I left in Iraq.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): The fact that she has spoken to you about it and not gone out and slept with people behind your back shows that she is committed and has a lot of respect and love for you. To me it shows that your marraige is a strong one as she feels able to tell you about these things. Just because you fall in love and get married doesn't mean that you stop being attracted or fantasise about other people. For some couples, an open relationship works but for most it would destroy them. When you're in a long term relationship sex can get mundane and she might be looking for a way to spice things up for herself. You should ask her exactly what it is that she wants from these men that she's not getting from you, then try and adapt your sex life. Maybe you could inject a bit of role play in the bedroom where you pretend to be a total stranger. You could meet up separately in bar, pretend you don't know each other, have a drink and then invite her back to your place and have the night of your life! Maybe, if these urges are satisfied, she would start to appreciate the 'making love' side of things too and not just feel that sex is only about 'getting off'. The fact that she has thought about other men is really nothing to worry about. This is only natural. If she decided to do something about it, that's when you need to worry.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): I think you have thought enough about the problem. Solve it before she does. From a fellow human.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 This is such a crappy thing to bring up 10 years into the marriage, she should've brought this up like before she got married! Oh well... atleast you can be grateful that she's not gone ahead and started seeing other people (has she?:-O?) but you really need some help in this marriage. Something's definitely not right if she thinks sex is just for getting off. Has she always felt like this? I really feel bad for you... this is one hell of a case of bad timing! You'll definitely need proffessional help on this one...
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 Yes u should worry, look for conselling or talk to her about your feelings about this, I suppose she is not as coimmited as she should anout your compromise and u should think about divorce if she insists
be brave honey u deserve love and respect
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 January 2007):
 I would be worried by the fact that she wanted an open marriage. She is searching for something that she doesn't feel she's getting from you and possibly, with a little communication, you can find out what that is and resolve the matter. You owe it to her and to yourself to try and save the marriage.
CD
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A
female
reader, kaylaadaniels  +, writes (19 January 2007):
well if she wants an open relationship it means that she wants to start see other people but with no hard feelings so that no one gets hurt including you. she wouldnt bring up the subject of an open relationship if she didnt want one. be careful and be on the lookout 4 any signs of her seeing oter people
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