A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Should i be worried that my girlfriend (and mother of my child) told her guy friend on Facebook that she used to have a crush on him in high school? Not sure why she would choose now of all times to admit that to him, but nevertheless its got me thinking. What does this mean?
View related questions:
crush, facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (22 August 2014):
 This is ridiculous, really!!
Everybody has a past & her past is simply that, her past!!
If she were still in love with him, she would not have been so open, believe me! She would keep it secret, because that is what most women do, if & when they choose to have an affair.
You are mature, you are not jealous i hope, so what's the issue here??
Let her past go, as i am sure, she has let yours go & just get on with the job of being a happy & loving couple.
Good luck & worry not!!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 August 2014):
 Eh, she USED to have a crush in HIGH-SCHOOL. If she is on her 30's this was over 20 years ago. It's a FOND memory at best. Something to laugh or reminisces about. No more.
If it was something she didn't want anyone to know, she wouldn't have told.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 August 2014):
 Oh I would so tell high school guys I had a crush on them now... it's in the past... and we are all grown ups and what we did/felt as teens is no longer relevant.
how do you know she did this? are you spying... if so why do you think that you need to do it or it's ok to do it?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): I guess you over-looked the part where she said she 'used to' have a crush on him in high school. Where does that necessarily translate that she has a crush on him now?
She was referencing a feeling in the past. During high school. I guess this might bother you, if you still have a high school mentality.
I do understand how you feel to know that there was someone she used to crush on; but there are dozens of guys out there she may have had a crush on. You had, and may still have, women you once had crushes on. Does that mean you'll cheat on your girlfriend, if they happen to show up again?
They were just reminiscing in the past. Their lives have changed, and there are different people in their lives now.
In high school grammar, I think you learned the different between the present tense and past tense.
He is past tense. You are the present.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): Quick question: How do you know what she's messaging people on Facebook?
It kind of matters, because unless you don't want her knowing you saw that message then I don't know why you're asking us and not her.
My wife had that kind of conversation with one of her old crushes when we met him at a friend's wedding. I was there and she made me part of the conversation so I know it was just something she'd wondered about when she saw him. Mine was just curious, because she used to draw love hearts with his name in it and stuff like that. He told her he had a thing for another girl that she was too nerdy in school but that she's really blossomed now. That put a smile on her face because it's true and was a nice compliment. You should see her in school pictures, she's the awkward figured dorky girl with glasses, spots and braces with a half attempt at being a goth.
For my wife it was just curiosity. She spent quite a while and quite a few classes dreaming about him and wondering how he felt about her. Now that she's married and no longer cares about other men she was safe to ask that question without him getting the wrong idea because it's so far in the past and she's happily married.
For my part it was one of the one times I can genuinely say I was hilarious because I had them both in stitches when I said she's still disgusting looking and a long way from being pretty enough to be my wife but I'm willing to keep working to help her achieve that because I'm such a nice guy.
I can see why she had a thing for him too because he shares our sense of humour and we're similar, her type.
Am I worried? God no. We have a solid marriage, so solid that she feels secure enough telling old crushes that she liked them and finding out what they thought of that.
For you, OP, on its own it's not something to be worried about at all. But if you're having issues, and if you've resorted to snooping her Facebook messages then you may have deeper issues of trust than just this incident.
If everything's going great, you have no reason to suspect her of anything then I say don't worry.
In my marriage I know my wife saying that to any guy means nothing, even if we were having problems she's just not the type of woman to turn to another man for comfort or start testing the waters. You need to examine your life and relationship with this woman because asking her about it will also tell you nothing if you've been snooping, because she may get pissed at that and then you'd just assume she's up to no good.
Thread carefully here, OP, it would be very easy for this to be completely innocent but turn into an issue of you not trusting her that becomes a major issue.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014): Because its all in the past. Not the present. So to her its just a memory. Meaningless. Otherwise she wont tell.
...............................
|
