A
male
age
18-21,
*onfusedboy.com
writes:Dear all,My girlfriend and I have been going out for over a year now. Before our relationship, her ex and her met up and slept together a few times, including him cheating on his then girlfriend with my girlfriend. So I had my suspicions at the start of our relationship. A few months in, I found out that she had kissed him and they were flirty texting but she promised it was a mistake etc etc but a month or two later I caught her at it again!She apologised and life went on. Nowadays they still text but its not dodgy anymore..but it still gets to me that they still act as if nothing is wrong! I have told her I dont like it but she carries on and says she doesnt see it as a problem! What should I do?Am I being too paranoid being a bit funny about their almost daily texts or should i just let it go?
View related questions:
flirt, her ex, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): sorry dude its over.
The trust is gone. She obviously likes the guy still and the question Id honestly ask her is either you can talk to him or you can be with me. Its not both.
Thing is though if she says she wont see him, cn you believe her. personally, I wouldnt.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I rarely say this, but I think an ultimatum is in order. You have never, do not, and will not ever feel comfortable in this relationship until she stops contacting him. You have every right to be suspicious etc. due to the way she and he have acted and the fact that she kissed him. You cannot remain in a relationship with someone who as unwilling to do something as simple as stop texting him because it makes you insecure. She does not respect you not is she willing to make small sacrifices for the sake of your relationship. I'm betting she's not over him.
Either she stops speaking with him, or she stops seeing you.
~Sy.
...............................
A
male
reader, Code Warrior  + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
 This is pretty cut-and-dry. This is not a marriage, so there are no vows to be held accountable to. This is not a committed and loving relationship either based on the way she is treating you.
It seems clear to me that she is not trustworthy and has already gone back on her word twice. You know the adage: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." You forgave her once for kissing him and then she did it again. I would have sent her packing after the first time.
You don't mistakenly kiss someone. She knows exactly what she did and what she is STILL doing. How do you know that the texts aren't dodgy? Does she get your approval prior to sending them? Does she get your approval before deleting them? The answers are: You don't, NO, and NO.
She doesn't respect you and knows that she can get away with things over and over and over as long as she apologizes and does whatever else is required to make you feel better. Frankly, if you let her continue she will only become more brazen as her respect for you reaches new lows.
If it were me, knowing her history, I would tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
I would say no you'ren not being paranoid, given the circumstances and the past, you have a right to worry.
If she isn't going to respect the fact that it makes you uncomfortable that she is texting her ex daily, then I think you should choose to stay or go. You should have dumped her when all that other stuff happened, but of course we want to see for ourselves if anything will actually change.
I think you should end it with her before she admits that she has cheated on you again or does it again soon. Save yourself some heartache.
...............................
A
female
reader, Nataliemarie +, writes (3 September 2009):
I think you have the right to be suspicious. I have been in the position where i was in a relationship for almost 3 years and I was texting my ex and it did not lead to anything good. Long story short I cheated. I do not see why she still needs to communicate with him if she is completely happy with you. In my case I had lingering feelings for my ex, even though I did not want to be with him. I'm not necessarily saying this is the exact case, but I do see cause for concern. Its a red flag and you should not ignore it. By doing so you're closing your eyes and setting yourself up to get hurt. Evaluate the situation to the best of your abilities , most importantly be true to yourself. If this was an issue to let go you would not be posting it on this site. best of luck to you, and stay strong.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (3 September 2009):
 Hi,
normally I would say you are being a bit paranoid. At your ages it's natural to have plenty of friends of the opposite sex.
However, this is slightly different, they have a past of cheating with each other on their partners. Naturally you are going to think that there is something going on if they are still in contact with each other.
She is naive to think that you should be totally comfortable with this 'friendship' continuing. I'm sure she would not be so comfortable if the shoe was on the other foot.
Sorry to say, but I think you are right to be worried.
...............................
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
 As I see it, she is showing you a lot of disrespect. But at least you know the kind of relationship you have with her, and what she thinks of you... which is not much.
...............................
A
male
reader, Grymlocke666 +, writes (3 September 2009):
 To be honest. I'll give you advise on personal experience. My girlfriend (now my x) used to text lewd comments and flirty questions to her x and even say that she wants to meet up with him sometimes. She said that there's nothing wrong with wanting to see her x or even talk to him like that because she still loves him a little but loves me more. I believed her. . .until I found out that she's been spending every night with him ( I work overnight) for the last two weeks. And even having sex with him. We broke up. I felt so crushed. My advice to you is to get rid of her before it gets too deep. You can't be with her 24/7 and if she's flirting with other guys then she'll find an opening to be with them when you're not around.
...............................
A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (3 September 2009):
I can understand why you would get paranoid. you can try to talk to her very seriously once again and explain her that it bothers you esp after you know she cheated on you with him when you were in a relationship. Try doing that. Otherwise , i think if this keeps happening, this will keep making you feel the same as she is not doing anything about it. and eventually youd just give up, if she doesnt realise it. But its good that youre trying to make it work and may be, theyre just keeping touch like friends? See what she has to say. and then give it a try if it sounds reasonable and convincing.Or else in the end it would just leave you insecure and frustrated.
...............................
A
female
reader, Vozik + ♥, writes (3 September 2009):
She cheated on you, said it wouldn't hapoen again, and then cheated AGAIN? Um. No. You are not overreacting. She doesn't see cheating on you TWICE as a problem? And then carrying on as if it never happened? You deserve much better. Sure, she could just be trying to make you jealous or they're still good friends, but she should respect your wishes and at least not text him around you.
...............................
|
