A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm really confused. I've got a very close female friend. My best friend, really. Anyway, I have had a really strange off and on relationship with her. We have never been together, but the chemistry and sexual tension is off the chart. We've hooked up once, but she's been in a relationship since we met, so we could never cross that boundry into dating, even though we've discussed it before. She's always just stayed with her boyfriend, and we've just accepted that our relationship is weird. Well, less than a week ago, her and I were talking, and began discussing feelings. She told me that she could see herself being with me for the rest of her life and that she always saw the two of us together down the road. Said she felt like it was fate. She then took a break from her boyfriend to figure things out. Well, the first couple of days were great. She was all about me and we pretty much behaved like we were together, flirting and making plans to be together. Well, all of a sudden she does a 180 and tells me she needs time from me and that she's not sure what she wants anymore. That she's confused. I can handle that because her and her boyfriend have been together for a year now so she must be a little confused. Anyway, she completely stopped talking to me and said she needed time to herself. But she also wouldn't tell me if her and her boyfriend were together again, just insisted I give her some time. So I'm absolutely clueless and don't know what the heck is going on. It just seems a little shady to me. I don't get why she wouldn't tell me if her and her boyfriend were together. Anyway, as an outsider, I'm just curious as to what you might make of this. Please let me know, and help me out on how to play this out. Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (3 February 2007):
 This must be so hard for you. But you have to accept that she isn't ready to clarify how she feels about things to you. Of course she's confused. She probably feels like she loves you both.
Give her the space she needs, and just be there for her. She will respect you more for this in the long term. Of course, if you can't bear to do this, you are well within your rights to withdraw from the relationship. But i think you should just adopt a wait and see approach. If she decides to leave her boyfriend for good, maybe the two of you can be together someday. Alternatively, you can withdraw and run the risk of losing her altogether. The choice rests with you.
Good luck.
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