A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What does it mean when a man is grooming a women? What is it he is grooming her for? Is this a form of manipulation if so then why? I was seeing n (and) (sic) talking lots to with a guy a really like and I left cause he beat his ex' others say. A friend of mine says she thinks he thought he could do it to me - well, groom me she said. I said nothing 'cause well it be stupid to not know what grooming means in front of my friend. So I'm asking strangers.
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 July 2017):
 OHHH, the post was "cleaned up".
In this case, if you left him because you heard he was a domestic abuser, her opinion was that he was GROOMING you to be a doormat and live with his abuse and beating. Her opinion is that he systematically abuses and controls women, and that he was slowly applying the same emotional pressure, abuse, and control while pretending to be charming. That way, when he's abusing you, you're so used to his behavior that you're actually making excuses as to why you deserve to get pummelled by him rather than never be with an abuser in the first place.
DO A BACKGROUND check on him! Does he have a criminal record or a history of having restraining orders or protective orders issued against him?? Does he have children that he's not allowed to see without supervision?
If "Others" (plural) say that he beat his ex, that would be enough for me, and I'd drop him. IT's not worth it. It's never worth it. People don't usually get the gift of a warning on an abuser. I would NOT IGNORE that if I were you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 July 2017):
 I think what your friend means is that he will put on his "nice guy" facade to make you think that him hitting an ex-GF was a one-off not a pattern of behavior.
Or that he is LOOKING for a woman who is vulnerable like his ex-GF who might put up with his crap.
In short, your friend thinks you should stay away from him because otherwise, you might get hurt.
Maybe you should reconsider this guy as a romance option?
...............................
A
male
reader, froglegs  +, writes (4 July 2017):
That could could be anything from something soft simple? to fifty shades of gray type lifestyle, is he dominant?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 July 2017):
Grooming someone is to get them ready for something.
It can be innocuous or healthy, such as grooming a junior officer to command a ship or a base, or grooming a Lt. Governor to take over as Governor.
It's tough to see what he wants to groom you for without a context of the conversation. How did it come up? If he's your boss at work, he could be grooming you for a promotion or a new assignment or transfer.
Grooming also has had nefarious applications as well.
Pedophiles groom underage kids in order to get them ready to molest them. Jerry Sandusky would do it by finding emotionally damaged pre-teens, showing them the love and attention they had been missing. He'd then show them the world, give them presents, give them time and approval, while all the while very slowly incorporate friendly touching, then hugging, and then very carefully testing more explicit touching while lavishing on praise, and before you know it, the sexual abuse is happening, and it's mixed up in all of the approval and good feelings that he's been grooming the target kid for.
If this guy was talking in a romantic or sexual manner when it comes to you, he could be trying to soften you up to fall for him, as in, he's grooming you to be in a sexual or romantic relationship. The problem with that wording is -- the person doing the grooming is usually the one in power, like the boss, or the adult in a pedophilia situation, or the mentor in a job situation, or the senior officer in a promotional situation.
This means that whatever he's grooming you for, he believes himself to be in the position to exert power or influence over you. Whether that's good or bad depends on the context of why he said it. Otherwise, people who are equal peers don't groom people...they get to know each other as equals.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2017): Grooming you means he is sweet talking you, manipulating you into thinking he is a good guy, a guy who has your best interests at heart, a guy you can trust. The guy you go to for everything. He is trying to make you emotionally reliant on him. He is your universe. At least that is what he wants. Once you are weak, vulnerable and falling at his feet, he will sweep in and take advantage of you in every way that he wants to. Including sexually. It is mostly emotional manipulation. He has an IN already because he knows you LIKE him. So he is using that as a starting point to weave his web. He thinks you are weak and will be putty in his hands. He is going to pull out all the stops. But beware, it is all an act. A selling job. He is a master manipulator. And nothing like the man he pretends to be. Because if you saw the monster that he really is, you would run, and run fast. Funny how he thinks you are the weak one. When in fact, men like this are the weakest of the weak. Find a man who will love you and treat you as an equal. Not as a puppet for his sexual needs and his need to CONTROL you in order to feel superior. Get away from him NOW. Or he is going to break your heart but even worse, your beautiful and innocent SPIRIT. You have the power. Choose not to let him destroy you sweetie. I have been there, and there is no recovery. That part of you is lost forever. There ARE good guys out there! Please realize this is a PREDATOR.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2017): Grooming a person means preparing them for a certain act or purpose be it good or bad.
...............................
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (4 July 2017):
 It could be form of manipulation most often used to manipulate a woman to engage in sex she may not show any desire for, typically lesbianism, swinging or 3-some formations.
Personally, if someone likes you than they should like you for who you are and not for the vulnerabilities of whom they can make you into. So I'd be skeptical of this guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2017): http://bfy.tw/CecI
It means he's setting you up to give him sex later.
...............................
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 July 2017):
 You could Google it?
It's usually used when talking about vulnerable people being gradually manipulated into trusting someone they shouldn't and will ultimately be encouraged to do things they would probably have declined had they not been charmed/groomed beforehand.
...............................
|
