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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a big problem and I don't know what to do. Last monday, my bf of 2 yrs was assigned to be lab partners with this girl (they just met, she's my friend). so they spent like 3 hrs together. i was at home during that time. yesterday, this girl talked to me. she told me that she and my bf talked, joked, had fun the whole time they were together. she asked me if my bf was really that talkative, funny and attentive. at first i was cool, i said yeah he is, he's a fun guy. i told her he's probably bored that's why he kept joking and talking to you. im ok with my bf chatting with another girl. but then what she told me got worst. she said my bf got all her contact info, mail, messenger, cel number. she said he asked her if she wanted to have coffee, but she said only if its for free. she said he took her jacket and tried it on. she said he kept joking w/her, teasing her and flirting with her. he also asked her if she was already going home, maybe he could go with her. but she said she wasn't, and they lived on opposite directions.when i heard all these, i felt disappointed. i always ask him how's his day, but he never mentioned anything about this. i felt he hid it from me, that if the other girl didn't tell me, for sure i wouldn't know anything like this was happening. so i asked him about it. he told me maybe this girl wants to wreck our relationship.he had a slightly different story. he said the girl got his number somewhere and even memorized it, so he thinks its the girl who is interested in him. he got her number so that she can inform him of homework and they can talk about their projects. he said the girl first brought up the topic of coffee, hinting she likes drinking coffee etc. my bf said he did ask her, but when she said yes, he backed off.he said he did ask if she was going home, but when she sort of agreed that they leave together, he backed off again. basically his argument was that, i shouldnt break up with him because he has no intention with this girl. he was just joking. he didn't continue and had no plans of really going out, drinking coffee or walking her home. he reasoned he never did what he said, he never pursued, continued or acted on what he said. he never did it, he never acted, it never happened because he didn't want to. that's what he said. he says he loves me and doesn't like her as she's "not even pretty."what really bothered me was this girl even told me, these exact words, "your boyfriend acted like he doesn't have a girlfriend", "i told you this because i'm afraid of your bf, he's like a stalker." these words REALLY BOTHERED ME. i don't know if what he did should be enough for me to leave our 2 yrs together, but if i follow my instinct it tells me to dump him. this isn't the first time i caught him flirting with a girl, its like the 3rd time, so i feel there's no use telling him "just don't do it again...." im not ok with him inviting other girls for a drink, or riding home with girls. he knows that too. we talked about our limits way before we entered college.my instinct tells me to leave, but then again, maybe i am just getting too jealous. maybe its just normal for guys to flirt, and he told me he doesn't even like her a bit? maybe i shouldn't leave him because of that? and what if the girl just wants to break us up and steal him from me? or should i not waste my time on him and just move on?
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flirt, jealous, move on, teasing Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bitterblue  + ♥, writes (22 June 2007):
 You can't decide to end a relationship without proves of him having been dishonest with you. Maybe the situation percolated a shadow of doubt in your heart, so stay in expectative and see what happens next but I wouldn't accuse him without evidence. It could be the girl trying to wreck your relationship, as he said. Put the girl under the magnifying glass too. It's strange that she gave you all those details as by wanting to hurt you intentionally. If her purpose was to prevent you she could have put it in a milder way, especially that you call her your "friend". Did she advise you anything after the story, just in case? If they've been assigned together at work, you'll have to be prepared for more such episodes? And about flirting, some do it ""innocently"" or to increase their self-confidence, the problem arises when it gets too far, although it would be ideal for this to disappear when you're involved in a relationship already. If you're sure it's not jealousy painting different colours and he does have a history in doing this...then it's hard trusting either of them. Take care
A
female
reader, miss fit  +, writes (21 June 2007):
don't mean to sound paranoid but this girl sounds like she may be exaggerating. i mean how can someone sound like a stalker when you have only worked with them for three hours in one room? i think say to him that this is the last time that your going to let him of and he is walking on thin ice, and get on with your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): Firstly, who do you trust more, your boyfriend or this girl?
Maybe he was flirting a bit but this girl is obviously making it sound a lot worse and stiring it up. Maybe she is jelous of you and what you've got. However this doesn't excuse your boyfriend because I'm sure the girl's coments didn't come from nowhere.
Explain to your boyfriend how you feel about his flirting and that you'll break up with him if he doesn't control it.
See how he reacts. if he doesn't seem that interested or upset about it maybe he's not worth your time.
You know your boyfriend so you'll know what's a big reaction from him.
Hope everything goes ok.
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A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (21 June 2007):
 OK, so you distrust him now, thats for sure. You could do all sorts of things from spying on his mobile etc.. sometimes just staying quiet, not approaching him over it maybe better. Ultimately if you feel he is lying, if you lost trust. You have to ask yourself, two years is a long time but there are people that after 30 years still leave each other... so dont hang on to those two years. What would you rather have, more unhappy years? If you cant sort it, start again, or Accept that this is what he is and you cant change it.
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