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She said she was straight but I'm starting to wonder if she secretly has feelings for me!

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 March 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 27 March 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

basically I've been living with a bunch of friends for 2 years now. We all knew each other for an additional year before that. At the start of that year when we all met one another, I openly admitted that I thought this one girl in the group was cute and was attracted to her (I'm a gay girl). Pretty early on though, someone asked her if she was gay and she said she wasn't so I accepted that, stopped thinking about her in that way and we all became friends and ended up living together.

Ever since then I'd thought of her as a friend and nothing more, sometimes we even joke about how I fancied her when we met. but lately, I don't know why but I'm starting to get feelings for her. And I don't often get feelings for people beyond lust. I think I've felt like this for roughly a month now.

She's far more knowledgable about LGBT things than most people and Sometimes when me and another friend would go to gay nights she'd come with us, and there'd always be disappointed lesbians left questioning their gaydars every time. She's never been with a guy and never talks about guys like the others do, she's usually quite a private person I think, and not very touchy feely, but lately I've been noticing changes. firstly when we were out one night a couple weeks ago, we were talking to a lesbian couple and they kept asking if she was gay and this time she eventually said she'll fall in love with whoever she falls in love with.

Also, We were looking for a film to watch and came across one I'd wanted to see for ages, she said to put it on even though i told her it was 3 hours long, all in french and pretty much half of it was very graphic lesbian sex scenes. We've watched a few lesbian films now when the others haven't been there to moan about my film choice.

She also seems different around me lately, like she seems more in tune with my sense of humour than before and more than everyone else. Some of our friends frequently torment and tease me and then everyone joins in but I notice that she never joins in with them.

Also she seems a lot more protective and concerned over me than before. I broke my hand recently and when I had my operation apparently she was asking after me the whole time. When we went out a few days later with everyone she put her arms round me to protect me because it was quite busy, it seemed strange because she is the least touchy feely in the whole group and there are people I'm closer with but she seems much more concerned than them. It reminds me so much of a girl who showed that kind of concern over me before and she turned out to feel the same way about me.

Also I overheard my housemates starting to wonder about her sexuality the other day, whereas before they've always accepted she was straight as well. So I'm not the only one that's noticed something.

We've already had two gay friends of ours get together with their housemates that originally claimed to be straight. On the one hand I feel like it's wrong for me to feel this way about my friend and housemate, but on the other hand I'm wondering if something like that could happen for me. What should I do? does it sound like there might be something there?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (27 March 2014):

Honeypie agony auntShe could be bi-curious, but I don't think she is ready for that or ready to admit it to you let alone herself.

So no, I wouldn't push it.

Let her come to YOU, if she decides she is really CURIOUS.

MANY bi-curious women feel it's "safer" to be straight, it's easier to maneuver in society (be it work place or social life). Others feel shame for feeling attracted to women due to their beliefs (or the beliefs of their family) or due to upbringing. Same with men who are bi-curious or bi-sexuals.

I'd just be her friend for now.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014):

I wouldn't ask as that would put pressure on her.

Enjoy each moment and see where it goes.

Ps. What is the name of the film?

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