A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question. My wife and I are together 7 years married for 5.When we moved in together she had some pictures of an ex boyfriend. I was fine with some of them but there was 1 where they were kissing and a few of him in various states of undress up to and including naked with an erection. I asked her to get rid of the bad pics but that she could keep the others.We just bought our second house and in putting things away I found those pics. She never got rid of them. Do I just throw them away or do I confront her and make her throw them out?
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erection, her ex, kissing, moved in Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 October 2014):
 Good for you in taking the common sense route and TALK to her. As it turns out you fears were unfounded, and that is good.
Always TRUST that you can TALK to your partner instead of trying to "read her mind" or second guess HER or yourself.
Though, I'd probably have a PRIVATE bonfire for pictures like that lol
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2014): Hi, this is the question poster here. Thank you to all of you for your advice.I disagree with one of you on that this is a 'fantasy' thing, If you saw the pictures and saw me naked, you would agree. 'YouWish' thinking that keeping some pics of an ex is OK, I would say that depends on the couple. If the husband (or wife if the pics were of his ex-girlfriend) has the final say. That's not being controlling, that's being realistic and respectful of the spouse.Anyway, I decided that they are going to be thrown out no matter what, but I wanted to know why they are still in our house. My wife and I talked last night, and she totally forgot we even had them anymore. She said that when I told her she could keep the 'non-nude' pics, she meant to go through them, but just placed them in a box along with other pics from us, and never got back to them. I believe her. There were a lot of other stupid pictures in that box that we haven't looked at in years.Anyway, We are having a party this weekend, along with a bon-fire in our back yard, and my wife on her own wants to just burn/trash all the pics. She doesn't even want to keep the 'G - rated' pics of this guy. She (we) will just casually throw them on the fire along with old newspapers and such so that no on asks what they were.Again, Thanks for your advice. I knew that I would never allow them to stay in our house, but for closure, like you have said, I wanted to know why they were still in the box.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 October 2014):
 Do you have a fireplace? If so casually drop them in it the next time it's lit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): Throw them away yourself. That is what I would do if I was married and found that in my home. My boyfriend and I are not even married, we do live together though, and he knows better than to have something like that anywhere near our apartment.
It's distasteful and insensitive.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2014): I'd toss them out and forget about it.
If you don't think tossing them out is enough for you then you can talk to her.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 October 2014):
I agree with YouWish.
Pictures of exes is no biggie.. but when they are explicit or nude, it's something to get rid off once you settle into another relationship.
I would not just toss them, I would ask her to do it. I'm sure she would be thrilled if you kept vag-shots of exes.. would she?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 October 2014):
 This one takes a bit of finesse to get through. While normally, I think having pictures of exes in an album put away is acceptable, I do think that exes in states of undress is unacceptable and there is no reason to keep them.
Even if you throw them away, it doesn't rid yourself of the real issue, and that's the reason why she hasn't. You need to have a long talk with her about how those nude pictures make you feel. Ask her how she would feel if you kept pictures of your ex being naked and performing oral sex on you, or if you kept a video of a past sexual encounter, and ask her how she would feel if you kept them against her wishes.
Get her to put herself in your shoes, because it's not enough to just toss the pictures yourself. You need her to let those nude pics go. Once you marry, there should be only one person in her heart, and keeping nude sexual pics and REFUSING to dispose of them tells you otherwise.
Some people entrench because they don't want to be "controlled", but in cases like this, to look at it like being controlled will actually hurt the marriage more.
One thing though - if she agreed, but forgot about the pictures, just ask her if you can toss them right then and there. It's also possible she tossed what she thought was all of them, but you may have found others. OR, you can say "You forgot some of these nude pictures...mind if I toss them for you?". She may be embarrassed and say "YEAH!".
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 October 2014):
I lol'd at 'erection' as a keyword. Anyways, although it's tempting to be upset at her and offended by her not throwing the pics away, it's pretty natural for her to want to keep them.
It's sort of a fantasy thing. I'm not sure the best way to explain it but it's almost certainly not a threat to your marriage and doesn't reflect poorly on her commitment to you.
All that being said I'd toss them and let her look at playgirl if she wants to fantasize.
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