A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should I be upset about this? Basically, my girlfriend and I had not had sex for almost 5 days. While we had never really agreed to not masturbate before our next time in bed, we had talked about doing something like that before. (We have sex a lot and I like to hold off anything for a few days to build up the tension before next time.) We were spending a few days away from each other and on the fourth day she tells me she gave in and masturbated. I was upset because I wanted to wait until we could both have sex together. I told her I was upset and she got really mad saying how I can't tell her what to do, I don't own her, etc. Am I in the wrong here for being upset? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2013): There was no agreement therefore you have no right to be upset.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 March 2013):
 My husband and I were LDR for the first year. We actually had ONE time we waited between visits. It was nearly two weeks. guess what... it was no better than had we not waited.you got upset over nothing.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 March 2013):
 It is JUST masturbation, it's not like she cheated. Masturbation can be done anytime, anywhere and it's her body, her mind, her decision. You will always have time to explore your sexual fantasies with each other. But expecting her to hold out on masturbating for you is too much to ask.
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A
male
reader, Apollo44 +, writes (11 March 2013):
I hate to bust your bubble but women masturbate all the time. It's as normal to them as brushing their teeth. It's a stress release for them Dont take it so personal. Flip the script and masturbate without her. Hopefully that will get your point across how you feel.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (11 March 2013):
It is JUST masturbation, it's not like she cheated. Masturbation can be done anytime, anywhere and it's her body, her mind, her decision. You will always have time to explore your sexual fantasies with each other. But expecting her to hold out on masturbating for you is too much to ask.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 March 2013):
 yes. you are in the wrong.she's right, you can't tell her what she can and can't do. and if she wants to masturbate, she can do so all she pleases because it's HER body. it's not gonna make sex any less good with you or less intense. come on now.it's unreasonable to think that you'll be in a relationship for the long haul and never feel the desire to ever masturbate. it WILL happen.i definitely suggest backing off of her and leaving this one be. it's making you look a bit controlling. i would apologize to her if i were you.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 Surely her masturbating is a good sign, means she is horny and into you. If I knew a man had masturbsted before having sex with me I would be pleased as I would know he would probably last longer, maybe you could see this the same way. You wouldn't want her to finish after 30seconds then roll over and watch tele would you lol
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 March 2013):
 Amen to ALL that CERBERUS wrote - read it and LEARN.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (11 March 2013):
I don't see the problem with masturbation unless she was using porn, I can understand people being upset about that.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (11 March 2013):
Wow, man... If the worst problem you can come up with in your relationship is that your girl knows how to satisfy her physical cravings, you're so far ahead of the game it's not even calculable.Browse some of the questions here, and get perspective on the people who find their partners cheating, sometimes with multiple extra partners. Get a gander at some of the females who can't orgasm, with or without their partners.If there were an implied, but not explicit agreement to hold off, she's in the clear, and you need to come to terms with the fact that she is a whole human being without you - that includes having a sexuality of her own that is independent of your existence. Then, when you can meet on even ground as equals in respect and affection, if a mutual nonmastubatory pact is something you would like in your relationship it needs to be explicit, not implied.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): No, you shouldn't be upset.
Harsh truth OP? You're being an idiot.
What was the point of the no masturbation thing in the first place? To make it more fun and awesome next time? I assume so, what's fun and awesome about reacting the way you are? This whole thing was just about the novelty of building up some sexual tension and now all of a sudden you're throwing your toys out of the pram like it's ruined your life? Where's the fun in exerting this kind of pressure on her like your whole experience of having sex is ruined because she masturbated.
This whole thing was supposed to be about a casual bit of fun and now you're upset because she twiddled her twonk?
"I was upset because I wanted to wait until we could both have sex together."
Guess what, bro? You still could. There was nothing stopping you from continuing to wait you know, you still would have gotten that awesome release. Who's to say you would have even given her an orgasm the next time you got together anyway? I mean you don't seem to know much about how a woman's body works if you think a few days not masturbating is going to make that much of a difference to the intensity of her pleasure.
Another reason OP, women don't have balls. They don't have balls that fill up with semen, that feel like they're going to explode without some kind of release so they don't get a physiological build up to sex in the way we do at all.
The worst thing about all this is that you have now made sex even less appealing to her and even less likely to be as amazing as you wanted by your reaction. You've just pissed her off over something that wasn't a big deal at all and you're acting childish. Well done OP, until you hold your hands up and say you were wrong sex isn't going to be all that great for you.
Look OP choose your battles better. There was no agreement, there were no promises and frankly it's her pussy she can do whatever the hell she likes with it.
You want to make sex more amazing? Give her tonnes and tonnes of foreplay, give her great head, bring her to orgasm before she even sees your penis and that will be awesome. Try new oral techniques, read some books, watch some technique videos, buy a book of positions and try them all. But most importantly OP do not react like a child when everything doesn't go exactly how you imagined it when there was no fucking agreement at all. You don't own her sexuality OP, it's a gift she gives to you, you don't get to be pissy about how she offers that to you.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 March 2013):
Yes, you were being selfish.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 March 2013):
 If there wasn't an agreement to withhold masturbation then why did she "confess" to you that she "gave in" as she put it? If there was no mutual agreement between the two of you to not masturbate then she wouldn't be "giving in", she'd just be masturbating, and there would be no need to confess anything.
So, I think she was aware you'd be upset, and she was aware that you wanted to wait. You may not have officially agreed on it, but she knew. She told you because she knew you wanted to wait, and wanted to be honest with you.
Then, why would you be upset? If she waited like you usually wait it'd be a nice bonus for you, as you wanted to try it with both of you waiting. But you didn't make a real agreement with her on that, and she didn't break any promises. So, you have no right to be upset or mad at her. You can tell her you're a bit disappointed, but that it's okay because you and her didn't really agree to wait with masturbation.
But to get mad at her for masturbating? Nice way to shame her for it, now she'll not want to tell you she masturbates again and you even run the risk of her trying to hide masturbation from you, lying about it even. You definitely don't want to start shaming her for masturbation. It is after all her body, not yours. You're just granted access, but no ownership. She decides if she wants to withhold masturbation or not, and telling you she gave in at least shows she tried to wait. It also shows she is honest and open with you. Getting angry when she's open and honest encourages her to stop being open and honest.
Go apologize and make up. Then explain why you got upset in a nice and calm matter, with no pointing fingers. Then hear if she would be willing to make a deal with you for next time, to withhold on masturbation. Not as a permanent deal, but just to try it out.
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