A
female
age
22-25,
*ynxx
writes:Hi everyone,My question is about my boyfriend's ex.Her behaviour has upset me.I think that he should not talk to her any more.Am I overreacting?How should I deal with this?I am with someone I love dearly for over a year now.And he loves me too.We are very happy to be with each other.He is 27 and I am 24.He told me that he never felt this way for any other girl.He wants to start a family when I complete my education.He is a trustworhty,adorable,caring,confident person who treats me like a princess.He had two girls in his life before we met.I don't know the details as I don't care about his past.He told me that the girls were more interested in sex and broke up when for trivial reasons.He never cheated on them.But he never felt the emotional bond that we both feel in our relation.The girl whose behaviour bothered me-They broke up as she moved to another city and since it was more physical than emotional bond,it wasn't a tough decision.He got over it in a few days.Right now..he doesn't even think about her or miss her.He is not in touch with her.She called him last week.Since she works for the same company in different city,the call was related to work.He asked her about her life and stuff as he considers her a friend now.She started making some weird noises so he asked her -whats going on.She told him that she was masturbating as she heard him on phone.His voice turned her on.He was shocked and asked her to stop immediately and never do it in future.He was not talking flirty or anything to turn her on.She didn't say anything like that.They were talking like colleagues and she got turned on(felt horny and hot..in her own words.Sorry about using such language)He is innocent and I don't doubt him.He was the one who told me about this incident.He felt so bad as I was obviously upset about this.I have nothing against her.She had told him earlier(after they broke up and before we met)that she is still single and misses having sex with him.She doesn't have any boyfriend right now.Our relationship is not affected by this.I know he did nothing to cause it/encourage it.He stopped it,in fact. But I still got upset by her behaviour. My questions are-1)Am I overreacting?2)How should I deal with this?...(don't want this to happen in future but I can't stop her from doing this)
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female
reader, mynxx +, writes (4 November 2009):
mynxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks anonymous reader and alysha.Both of you are right.
A
female
reader, alysha  + ♥, writes (4 November 2009):
 Hi,
You are so lucky to have this man.He handled the akward situation perfectly.Ignore his ex and there is no need to worry.You must be upset and its understandable.
You know what...your relationship is so strong.And it will get stronger after this incident.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): You are absolutely right to be bothered by this. And I would certainly hold it against her. She has demonstrated a complete lack of respect for his relationship with you.It's HUGELY commendable though that your BF immediately told her to stop and also immediately told you. You obviously have wonderful trust and openness in your relationship.But this chick is obviously a bit of a nutcase and he should seriously consider keeping things on a purely professional basis with her. She's no friend.
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A
female
reader, mynxx +, writes (3 November 2009):
mynxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your advice.k c100-you are so good.You know exactly how I felt.Your words have soothed my heart.thanks again.carry on the good work on dearcupid.you are a gem!ANONYMOUS and duce 00-felt much better after reading your advice.I understand that I don't need to do anything.There's no need for that.[katyayni....my boyfriend wasn't turned on by her.She was turned on by him...lol .But spicing things up between us won't do any harm:) ]
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A
female
reader, katyayni  + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 Hi
You know, if your boyfriend himself was so uncomfortable with what happened, then I don't think that there acquaintance should worry you. Of course it is bothering... I would be rushing down the street to buy some sexy lingerie if my boyfriend's ex did something like that... to compete? No. But to prove to myself that I am the one who turns him on. (There is nothing wrong with that, right?)
So, I think that you should try Duce's suggestion... try some phone sex with him. Emotional fulfillment combined with seriously hot sex is equal to boyfriend worshiping you! Besides, he was a gentleman to have stopped and even confessed to you... there was no way you could have discovered it. So, reward him... and yes as Duce said, a little new experience... and tell us how it went.
Love :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Main thing is, as you said, he stopped it! That alone shows that he respects you. A lesser man, might have sat there through the entire call, enjoy it, and never tell you! So I think your guy is okay! Give him a kiss and thank him for being a gentleman...
Unfortunately, there's not much you can do about the ex...you could call her superviser and have a "little chat" (that tart needs to get fired for wasting company time and resources!), but that would really open up a can of worms that I don't think you want! Since it's only the ex's "first offence", I say let it go...
Now, IF it becomes a REGULAR thing, especially during work hours, then you have to talk to your bf: it should be his responsibility to put a permanent stop to it because he's the one who has the most direct relationship to her. Being in the same company, he should have internal/company channels to go through to deal with her behavior. It could constitute sexual harassment if his ex refuses to stop doing this after he asks her not to.
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A
female
reader, Melinda +, writes (3 November 2009):
right, first things first you need to talk to your boyfriend about this, i'm sure he will understand. then you could try talking to his ex and see what she has to say, dont show that you are upset, angry or any emotions or she will feed off this and carry on. if talking to her doesn't work just try ignoring it remember not to show any emotion, eventually she will get bored and leave him alone.
hope my advice works x
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A
female
reader, k_c100 + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 There is not a lot you can do in this situation - your boyfriend handled the situation correctly so all he can do if it happens again is to do the exact same thing. You could suggest to him that they keep all of their business correspondence over email from now on to prevent her doing that again? Or maybe you could suggest to your boyfriend that he reports her behaviour to her senior manager - after all her behaviour was indecent and inappropriate when the call was work-related. So he is well within his rights to report her behaviour to a senior person in the company.
It seems to me that this girl wants what she cant have - some girls find men more attractive when they have split up with them and know that they have moved on, so it is more of a "challenge" to get back into their lives again. For want of a better word she is a bit of a tramp and she is lacking in morals, she is not someone who you should let get to you. If she is upsetting you with her behaviour, then she is "winning" - what she wants is to come between you and your boyfriend so she can have him back to have sex with again.
So what you need to do is just ignore her - she is desperate and lonely and just wants attention. So the more time you spend thinking about her or getting upset over her behaviour, the more she is worming her way back into your boyfriend's life. So even if she does do it again - leave it to your boyfriend to deal with and just forget about it. She is insignificant to the both of you.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend have a great relationship and love each other very much so you have nothing to worry about when some desperate girl tries to mess things up between you. Simply ignore her and she will soon get bored. When she realises your boyfriend is no longer interested in her and she has no effect on him anymore she will move on to the next man that comes along.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, duce00  + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 On the serious side: I say relax and be glad he is a good man who has chosen to be with you instead of that tramp.
On the light hearted side: I say ask him if he would be interested in some sexy phone talk with you. You are not trying to out do the tramp you are simply trying something new and finding out what you both like. It can be a really fun experience with your significant other.
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