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She isn't ready, I don't want to wait around, what to do??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 April 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 May 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Me and my gf split at the end of january, as i said some nasty things about her ability at work etc (i was an idiot) we lived together and i moved out about 6 weeks ago. We've met up a few times to see how things go, but everytime it goes well i start asking about getting back together, to which her reply is 'i cant give you what you want right now' she's said she still loves me and i still love her. She's forgiven me for what i said but hasn't forgot. She just wants to hang out and see how things go over time. Should i wait around and hope that things sort themselves out or should i just try and move on? she's all i think about and the chemistry is still there i believe, even the way we talk to each other, like have our own little language etc. I don't know what to do and am scared of waiting around, then her turning around and saying to just keep friends because it'll destroy me.

She's told me i need to sort my head out as i keep changing my mind from doing things her way and then wanting to just leave it to avoid getting hurt. I suffer from mood swings so i've been back to the doctors and gone back on my anxiety meds which is a good thing. Need advice!!

Thanks for reading!

View related questions: at work, move on, moved out

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011):

If you really want to be with her and make it work, you need to be patient and show her that you really have changed. If you want to move on... move on to what? It doesn't sound like you could get over her easily and it would be unfair to bring that baggage into a new relationship.

If she is the person you really want, this is a risk you'll have to take. In the meantime, keep working on yourself.

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A female reader, GeeGee255 United States +, writes (1 May 2011):

GeeGee255 agony auntWait around or not, that is a choice only you can make.

I'm not sure how long you two were together, but I think you really hurt her when you left and I am sure it wasn't the first time. That kind of pain doesn't heal overnight. And neither does your type of bi-polar behaviour. She isn't sure she can trust you anymore and I can't say that I blame her.

So before she lets you back into her lfe she wants to see what you do for a while. If you continue to work on your issues and do everything else you can to reasure her and prove your love, she might take you back one day. But if after just a few months you are already giving up and thinking about "moving on" then you're probably not going to make it. So its best you be honest with yourself about that, before you hurt her or yourself anymore than you already have.

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