A
male
age
30-35,
*bsessedbloke
writes:She isn't an exhibitionist and I am not a creepy pervert or anything like that. I just happened to bump into her while she was naked a couple of times but she was cool about it. I thought she would avoid me or move out but she didn't. She acts as if nothing awkward had happened between us. By the way she is my house mate and we have known each other since we were kids. Her mom and mine were friends and we used to hang out with each other a bit. She is a year older than me.The first time it occurred was February this year. I forgot some documents during my first month at my new job and went home in the afternoon to grab it and bump into her in the hallway. I was so shocked I quickly ran outside and didn't collect my documents. Back at work I texted her and apologized. Her response (text message) was something like this: "Hey no biggie you don't have to apologize it wasn't your fault cheers". It felt awkward but she never brought up the subject and everything went back to normal. Well not for me as I couldn't stop thinking about her.This didn't happen again until this summer. I suspect she only does this when the weather is hot.The second time was just a week ago. I was sick with the flu but wanted to go to work. I drove out of our suburb but turned back because I became nauseous and kept sneezing. Back at home I looked for some flu medicine, could not find any so thought of asking her. She usually wakes up late as she usually goes for her classes later in the day. I waited at the the dining table for her, half asleep and feeling very sick.I wasn't expecting it but around 11am she suddenly appeared in the kitchen not wearing anything again. She was quite shocked to find me there and said something like OMG I didn't know you are at home. She attempted to cover her chest with her hands. It was then that I developed a nose bleed. My nose was sore from sneezing so much and blood just poured onto the table. I said I was sick.I remember when she saw me bleeding, she, still naked, became alarmed, immediately ushered me to the kitchen sink, grabbed some ice cubes from the fridge and asked me to put one on my forehead, then she cleaned my blood from the table. She didn't bother covering up after this. She chatted with me until my nosebleed had completely stopped and seemed to have forgotten that she was naked. Then I asked her if she had any anti histamines. She said she remembered seeing some in the kitchen cabinet and proceeded to check them, still naked! She couldn't find any and ask me to wait while she checked in her room. When she came back, she was fully dressed though. So i am sure she wasn't an exhibitionist or trying to seduce me.We didn't have any medicine at home so she drove me to the nearest clinic later that day. I didn't bring up the subject of her nudity after that neither did she.I think she feels very comfortable around me since we are like best friends maybe she doesn't feel anything sexual about the episode. I didn't ogle but looked her in the eye and pretended everything was normal. Maybe she feels like i am her younger brother since she is really older than me. I am quite good at hiding my feelings towards her she doesn't know I have a crush on her. She had a boyfriend but they broke up in August. So maybe she does have feelings for me. I am a shy guy and haven't dated much and never been in a relationship with a woman so maybe she thinks i am gay? I can't stop thinking about her. What should I do? Does she have sexual feelings towards me at all?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2018): This is my "told you so" moment; but I'd rather comfort you by saying it's good that everything is out in the open. I'm also happy that you're handling so well. You're a really nice guy!
You were very persistent/determined, and probably didn't read my previous responses. That's okay; but I could see this coming.
Unlike us men, women don't have too much trouble expressing their feelings, and when they like you in a romantic-way; they do and say things that show their feelings. Catching her in her birthday suit isn't a good way to interpret these sometimes subtle cues. Supposedly, each time it happened she wasn't expecting you; she thought she was alone. Yet somehow you thought this means she likes you(???)
You've known each other for ions. She's comfortable being naked around the house; I don't care what prudes may feel about it, get over it! It is more appropriate she cover-up; but two people living together are likely to catch each other off-guard sooner or later. Lets be real.
Sorry, it's not what you wanted it to be. I hope you can leave things alone and revert back to being housemates and platonic friends. Suggest to her that you'd feel better if she'd cover-up just in-case someone pops-in; and that will also remove the sexual-tension that it provokes. I think now that you realize there is no reciprocity of your romantic-attraction; your crush will wear-off, and hopefully all will return to normalcy.
Best of luck, my friend!
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (3 December 2018):
 Best of luck, OP. Now you need to move on from your feelings, not pretend or hide them. Not telling her is only okay provided you get over them. I hope you can keep your friendship, but you need to avoid seeing her naked now and get rid of your feelings, not just keep quiet about them.
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A
male
reader, obsessedbloke +, writes (3 December 2018):
obsessedbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the late reply. I want to thank everyone who gave me advice here. I did go on a date with her, but I didn't follow through with my plan to tell her about my feelings for her. However I found out that she really loves me like a brother. For reasons hard to explain here, I am not able tell her that I love her romantically. I am doing this for her, not me. I will try to explain what happened last Saturday. I still remember every detail vividly.
She was very happy and cheerful when we started our outing. We had lunch, chatted a lot, then finished lunch. A movie was supposed to follow. I thought of confessin to her after our movie. We decided to play bowling instead. We had great fun bowling and she said it reminded her of old times when we were kids. We were having such a great time with her I was reluctant to break it to her so I procrastinated and suggested hanging out more in order to delay it. She spontaneously suggested we drive along the ocean as it was a nice sunny day, which we did. We did this until it was time for dinner.
At dinner (I can't remember the exact words but the following was our convo)
She: I had a great time, W. I don't want this day to end.
Me: Yeah me too.(feeling anxious, about time confessing)
She: How come we don't hang out like this more often?
Me: Well I have this 5 days a week job you know. Not much time. You should try to enjoy student life while you can :-)
She: Yeah I know. But I mean you are such a quiet person. I mean you have always been quiet but you keep to yourself more lately, like we are drifting apart.
Me: Well I thought we each have your own lifes now. Anyway you usually hang out with your boyfriends during the weekends and all that. Sometimes you take a break between boyfriends. I guess now that you made a pit stop we have a chance to catch up. (I am trying move the topic so I can start confessing)
She: (blushes) Hey it's not that I have that many boyfriends ok?? (kicking me under the table)
Me: You seeing anyone now?
She: Nah.
Me: (quite happy to hear that). I mean... I know you are not in a steady relationship. But you dating anybody?
She: Not really.
Me: (getting worried) What do you mean not really? (starting to worry that she was seeing guys casually, like one night stands).
Me: How about one night stands? What about the day I had that nosebleed?
She: Hey come on W, you know if I was bring a guy home I would have told you right? I always do you know. That is the polite thing to do...
Me: Sorry I didn't believe you
She: It's alright. I guess since you saw me naked, so you thought...
Me: Uhh, yeah
She: Ahh. I thought you knew, silly. I always walk around naked when you leave the house for work. I do that all the time. So you really thought I had some guy hiding in my bedroom? LOL.
Me: (wasn't sure what to say. quiet for a while)
She: Hey are you jealous?
Me: (speechless. I thought my secret had been revealed)
She: Aww W, there is no need for you to be jealous. You will always be someone special to. I will make time for you, I promise. You are like family. I didn't realize I have been neglecting those who care most about me. I am very sorry, W.
Me: (thinking to myself - noooooo! she thinks of me as her brother)
She: I guess I have lots of time now, since I don't have a boyfriend. Sigh... Well there is always a silver lining. You know what... Lets hang out like this more often. Lets make it every weekend. Since I don't have anyone to hang out with anyway.
Me: I guess you will hook up with some guy pretty soon, you always do. I know many blokes lining up to fill in that role.
She: Hah... really.
She: But I will make time for us. I promise.
Me: Will your new guy get jealous of us hanging out?
She: Will he get jealous. Would my previous boyfriends get jealous. I don't care. All the guys I have slept with were just interested in one thing, sleeping with me. And friends. There is only one person who really considered me a friend. You. When I was a fat unpopular girl who didn't have many friends, who was by my side the whole time? Who was my loyal friend. I only became popular after I lost weight. The people that surround me now, I don't think they are really my friends. Life is difficult if you are beautiful, W. You don't know for sure if your friendships are genuine. Other girls like to hang out with you if you are popular but they bitched about you behind your back. And guys are mainly here to fuck you then leave you high and dry.
(We used to be good friends as school kids when she was rather obese and I was a kid who always got bullied because I had Aspergers Syndrome. That is something like autism but very mild version. I didn't have too many friend too, like her.)
She: You were always there by me. You were always there to listen. I can talk to you about anything under the sky. There has only been one person who considered me his friend.
(suddenly tears welled up in her eyes).
She: I was so scared you know, when I saw your nose bleeding that day. I thought I was going to lose you too. I can't lose you.
[she could be referring to her dad who passed away from lung disease when she was 8 . she was brought up by a mainly single mum who remarried once, divorced, and is an alcoholic these days. we were kind of close friends, though i remember I liked to play tricks on her, maybe she didn't remember that]
Me: You are like a sister to me too. But you have many friends, I think. Like J and F. (I always saw them together. J was her BFF I believed. J was quite a hot chick in my opinion)
She: J, that insecure girl? When was the last time you saw her with me? She accused me of flirting with her guy. Can you believe it? She thinks I wanted to steal her boyfriend. I haven't talked to her for 2 months. F... she's ok. Not really that close to her though. I like her though, goody two shoes and all that. She's an ok person. Just not much in common.
[We talked about other stuff. Like do I like my job. Am I recovering from the flu and other random stuff]
[At this point I was really disappointed to discover she didn't like me romantically. But at the same time I also felt a nice warm fuzzy feeling growing inside me. Something I never felt before. It came from the way she talked with me. Very intimate and physically touchy. Like often touching my shoulder with her hands. She also seemed more open and candid in expressing her thoughts. She would grab my orange juice and drink from the same glass of juice I was having. She would chuck her piece of salmon into my plate and asked me to try it, its delicious she said. She would ask me if she was getting fatter since she had been eating more carbs lately. And then, deeper teritory. She would ask which of my guy mates fancied her, then describe why she wouldn't date them, as if she wanted me to inform each of them. She'd ask me questions like do guys generally prefer girls with big or small boobs, tall or short girls. If she was comfortable baring her body for me previously, she even more comfortable baring her soul now]
During the long drive home...
She: We had so much fun! Let's make this a weekly thing ok? I hope you not too lazy to stick to this routine. Every Saturday ok? Has got to be Saturday because I need to work on Sunday (her part time job at the supermarket). You still get to hang out with your mates on Sunday? Ok right?
Me: Sounds good.
She: So Saturdays are our day, promise me?
Me: Promise
She: Friends forever! Even after I meet a new guy. Even when we both have our own families there is no reason why we can't catch up with each other. (she then pauses...) Hey, W. Do you think I will remain alone forever? Become a grumpy spinster when I am old? I keep getting involved with the wrong boys. I am becoming like my mom!
Me: You will if you keep saying you will. Self fulfilling stuff. Thinks positive.
She: Ah well I can be godmother to your kids. Do you want to have children? Old grumpy lonely Auntie E. LOL. I will babysit them, cook delicious healthy food for us all.
Me: You still have your mom you know, your real family. Do you visit her often?
She: Yeaaa... some times. But she is always with some new guy. I can't get along with them. She changes boyfriends as often as she changes shoes.
Me: E, but your mom hardly changes her shoes.
She: Hmmm ok I didn't notice. Maybe cause she spends all her money on alcohol. Sigh... (at this point she reached over and gave me a sideways hug while I was driving. Not sure what she was trying to convey)
[During the drive she made plans. We would visit her mom every 1st Sat of the month with me tagging along. Maybe 1 or 2 hours. Rest of the day "quality time" for both of us. Me and her will also have dinner at home on weekdays. She'd cook healthy lunches for me to bring to work too. So I need to eat her cooking for both lunch and dinner. Except on Monday nights, because she has Italian language classes at 8pm. She wanted me to join her in that class, but I decided it wasn't for me. She also suggested two of us visit Europe with me next year after she graduates, apparently we both have relatives in Pisa she would like to connect with]
I am surprised that I am happy with the way things turned out. I can't explain this feeling I have for her now. I want her to be happy. And she wants me around to be happy. I can see that she wants me to me happy. I have sisters and they are not even this close to me.
If it makes her happy then I will hide my romantic feelings from her. I find it strange I don't feel the urge to be her boyfriend now. Maybe I was just in love with the thought that a girl loves me.
Anyway I feel a new chapter starting in my life. Not sure where it is headed. I am happy for now. I wish to thank everyone who had given me advice here, especially Andie's Thoughts. Andie, sorry I didn't take your advice and told her my feelings. It was my plan to tell her. But after hearing that she needed me more as a friend, I knew telling her would have devastated her. I am doing all this for her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2018): How did the date go OP? Did you tell her?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (1 December 2018):
Good luck, OP, just don’t back out of telling her your feelings. Whether she feels the same or not, you need to be honest and find out. Living together isn’t possible if one has feelings and the other doesn’t.
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A
male
reader, obsessedbloke +, writes (30 November 2018):
obsessedbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I asked her to go on a "date" tomorrow. Well I am not sure if she considers it a date or if she is just going to feel like a regular meal outside. I told her that instead of cooking tomorrow, why not just relax during the weekend. I said I owe her one since she had been taking care of me when I was feeling unwell the last two weeks. I am trying to make it feel romantic so I booked a table at a post Thai restaurant (her favourite). We will be going for a movie after that. I finally will let her know me feelings for her. I feel extremely nervous. I going to either feel very happy or downright devastated at the end of tomorrow.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2018): Young people nowsaday.
Just because she is paying half the rent does not means she can do whatever she wants at home.
In my country Singapore we are not even allow to be naked in our own home if your neighbour can see you through the window.
You need to tell her these behaviour is unacceptable.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (29 November 2018):
Look, there’s no friendship to throw away. You are infatuated (not in love). That means she’s not just a friend any more. While you have feelings for her, she’s just being friendly and you’re reading into everything.
There’s no friendship left because you CAN’T just see her as a friend. Either you date or you get turned down and one of you needs to move out for you to move on. Once feelings develop, that’s just what happens. Same goes for dating a little while, then breaking up.
Sorry, OP, but you’ve just got to bite the bullet and take the consequences of having a crush on your housemate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2018): It is possible to walk-in on a roommate disrobed by accident at any given time; because a door can fly open, the latch didn't hold. Whatever!
You need to feel you have some privacy and freedom when you cover half the living expenses. In a perfect world, everyone has perfect manners; and throws on a robe even when the phone rings. it's not a rule written in stone that only guys get to tromp around topless, in our shorts, or wrapped in a towel; while gals gotta wrap themselves like mummies, as if they were nuns in the 16th century. If it's a hot day, shed the linens! It's your house too!
I think that young woman has every right to feel free when there's nobody home. These incidents supposedly occurred unexpectedly...or as my boyfriend likes to say "accidentally on purpose." If you barge-in once, accident...twice...well?!! Naked both times??? I still don't fault her, how does she know you'll come flying through the door?
She's your roomy. Keep your infatuation to yourself. It's unlikely she shares your feelings. Making those sudden appearances, when she thinks she's alone? That's now questionable, since you've added that element to the story. It's like you might have been attempting to catch her off-guard. I'm just say'in! (side-eyes!)
Back in ancient times, when I modeled, guys and gals changed in-front of each other. No biggie! We didn't purposely expose ourselves, we just looked-away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2018): OP, I can't say I fully agree with Code Warrior's advice. Confronting her about her nudity will only humiliate her and make her feel cheap as if she is trying to entice u. Since she hasn't brought up the issue, she is willing to put it behind and so should u. If it happens again tell her on the spot that it makes u uncomfortable and she should stop it immediately.
If u really want, go ahead and ask her out on a date. It doesn't have to be a movie. U could have an activity which u both enjoy, like playing sports, going to a concert, art gallery...
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 November 2018):
You need to stop putting yourself in situations where you’ll see her naked. If it can happen any time you’re in the house, then you need to set boundaries and ask her to wear clothes in shared areas of the house. If you won’t do that, then you’re behaving like a creep who WANTS to keep seeing her naked.
As for your feelings for her, ask her out or get over her. I know it sounds harsh, but you can’t have feelings for your housemate (which you do) unless you’re going to be in a relationship. It doesn’t work and seeing her naked is not what housemates do. Time to set boundaries.
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A
male
reader, obsessedbloke +, writes (28 November 2018):
obsessedbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am considering asking her out on a date and confessing my feelings for her. But I am sure if she rejects me then she will move out of our unit and i will never hear from her again. I have rejected many times so I know what it's like. But if she has feelings for me then if I do not acts fast some other guy will take her away from me. She is really lovely and has many male suitors.Should I ask her out for a movie or just a dinner? We have been having dinner together a lot lately since I was down with the flu. I usually eat outside at Subway for dinner but she insists that I come home and have a home cooked dinner with her. I usually take the bus and train in the morning but she picks me up from work in the evening on days she does not have classes. Also, she is not a fan of restaurant food as she is very health conscious and enjoys cooking at home.Thanks Wise owl for your advice. Yes I do announce my presence before entering our home. immediately after the 1st incident, I actually installed a bell on our entrance door that chimes whenever the door is opened. She even joked that the bell reminded her of her old workplace, the bookshop she worked part time at a few years ago.I didn't announce my presence during the 2nd incident because she was asleep and I didn't want to wake her up.I am not sure i have the courage to tell her I love her. I would be throwing away our special relationship if things go awry.
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reader, obsessedbloke +, writes (27 November 2018):
obsessedbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey code warrior, actually I was only wondering if she considers me like family. She has never actually said that i was a like a brother to her. And remember that she is now single and available again after ending her relationship with her boyfriend. We have many things in common. Perhaps this is just her subtle way of indicating her interest in me. My mates always say that women don't pursue their man aggressive but rather signal that they are open to advances from the guy they fancy then it is up to the guy to continue courting her.
You mentioned that i should see first if she makes a move on me. Could you elaborate what would that move be? Quite subtle I would imagine. But I think that move is quite obvious here. Her being comfortable totally naked with me - doesn't that indicate that she is trying to build some sexual tension between us? I mean I have 2 older sisters and I have accidentally walked in on them when they were in the bathroom, and they were never comfortable being naked around me. If my housemate crush really considered our relationship platonic, I expect that she would have immediately run back to her room to cover up, but she didn't. She covered her breasts with her hands so that she would not seem too forward but quickly became comfortable and spent a good 20 minutes naked and chatting to me in the kitchen. And she had and opportunity to grab some clothes when she went to the laundry room to find a towel to put the ice inside.
And remember that I have walked in on her when she was naked in the past, hardly a year ago. Wouldn't she be more prudent. Could she be waiting for this opportunity to happen.
She knows i am a shy bloke so maybe she is trying to make me make the first move? Though if i have read her incorrectly I risk losing her friendship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2018): It sounds like she really cares about you, OP. Friends like that are hard to come by. Do treasure your special friendship and not ruin it by obsessing with her. I think you handled yourself very well the 1st time. After bumping into her when she was naked you apologized and more importantly behaved like an adult and didn't harass her after that. It was purely accidental the 2nd time as she was surprised though she knows you have seen her naked in the past so she quickly let her guard down. Most people feel vulnerable when naked around clothed people. I would even feel unnerved even when I am naked if front of someone of the same gender. This is evident that she has trusts you a lot. She put your well-being above her self modesty. She drove you to the doctor. She cares about you. She probably thought her nudity was no big deal because you didn't make it a big issue the first time. She wasn't flaunting her body for you because she covered up eventually. She is saying I don't mind you seeing me naked but I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for myself. I believe women's bodies are overly sexualised. If men can take of their shirts on a hot day why can't women do the same? I get cat calls from sometimes when I dress in a tank top and shorts in public. Shame on men who say we dress provocatively hence we are asking for. Even if a woman is naked that is no excuse for sexually assaulting her! Shame on men who say they have natural urges and can't control themselves the moment they see female flesh. You, OP have demonstrated great maturity in the way you respected your friend. I am proud of that. That being said, most women are aware of the effects their bodies have visually to men. I don't hang around in a swimsuits in the office. You know what I mean. So OP, I hope you quit obsessing over her but continue to cherish your friendship. It looks platonic but I am not saying it can't develop into something romantic in the future. Great marriages are based on emotional intimacy, mutual interests and goals in life, not because you have seen her boobs on two occasions. Just tell yourself that it's just your hormones playing tricks on your mind. It is still possible for two people of the opposite sex to have mutual physical attraction for each other yet still have a platonic relationship and respect each other's boundaries. I have a co worker who is very good looking and being a very attractive person myself we still keep things professional. So all the best OP try to forgot about this episode all the best in your career and life :-)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2018): She's comfortable in her own skin and you're as close as a brother. I don't feel uncomfortable disrobing in-front of a lady nurse or doctor. I've been in the dressing room and had the door opened on me by a strange lady; and didn't flip-out about it. I was just surprised. Hasn't that ever happened to you? You invaded her privacy, dude!
She's a housemate. That gives her the freedom to be at-home in her own place. The freedom to walkabout in your birthday suit on a hot day. You don't seem to notify anybody when you came bounding through the door, knowing there's a lady in the house.
Next time you have a surprise visit, simply say aloud "HELLO!" That will give her a chance to grab a robe. I'm nature-boy in my house and my boyfriend's house all the time. I just make sure I'm decent before the maid comes to work. She always yells "good morning" to make everyone aware she let herself in.
No need to get all hot-and-bothered. She wasn't flashing flesh for your benefit. You walked-in on a lady without announcing yourself. Pay her the courtesy!
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male
reader, obsessedbloke +, writes (27 November 2018):
obsessedbloke is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey code warrior, actually I was only wondering if she considers me like family. She has never actually said that i was a like a brother to her. And remember that she is now single and available again after ending her relationship with her boyfriend. We have many things in common. Perhaps this is just her subtle way of indicating her interest in me. My mates always say that women don't pursue their man aggressive but rather signal that they are open to advances from the guy they fancy then it is up to the guy to continue courting her.
You mentioned that i should see first if she makes a move on me. Could you elaborate what would that move be? Quite subtle I would imagine. But I think that move is quite obvious here. Her being comfortable totally naked with me - doesn't that indicate that she is trying to build some sexual tension between us? I mean I have 2 older sisters and I have accidentally walked in on them when they were in the bathroom, and they were never comfortable being naked around me. If my housemate crush really considered our relationship platonic, I expect that she would have immediately run back to her room to cover up, but she didn't. She covered her breasts with her hands so that she would not seem too forward but quickly became comfortable and spent a good 20 minutes naked and chatting to me in the kitchen. And she had and opportunity to grab some clothes when she went to the laundry room to find a towel to put the ice inside.
And remember that I have walked in on her when she was naked in the past, hardly a year ago. Wouldn't she be more prudent. Could she be waiting for this opportunity to happen.
She knows i am a shy bloke so maybe she is trying to make me make the first move? Though if i have read her incorrectly I risk losing her friendship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 November 2018):
 Yep, I'm with Code Warrior.
She sees you as non-sexual. that is why she is so comfortable around you naked. She has known you since you were kids and before you started sharing living quarters nothing happened either. She isn't interested in you THAT way.
I also think it's a tad inappropriate for someone who is SHARING a house with others to run around naked. Not that I generally have an issue with nudity, it isn't JUST her house, but I guess that is neither here nor there.
How about (if you swap Christmas present) buy her a NICE fluffy robe she can run around in?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 November 2018):
Just ask. She could just get off on walking around naked without actually wanting to be sexual with you. Maybe she just likes the attention and it’s an ego boost. To be honest, you won’t find a girlfriend if you keep “accidentally” seeing this woman naked, so either ask her out or stop being in situations where she’s likely to be nude.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2018): Actually the nudity thing although weird but it doesn't indicate that she has a crush on you since you have litrally grown up together. If you are interested in her why don't you make the first move and see what her reaction would be. Ask her if she would be interested to come out with you an evening as a date. Or invite her out to a dinner. If she says no then that is it. She isn't interested.It shouldn't be difficult to know from her reaction if she wants or not.
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