A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone on here, I would appreciate your valued advice or help please on my situation. Thank you. I have been enjoying dating and being with my girffriend for the past two months. (me 43, she 47) Very close, friendly and sharing. All really good. My gf talks to me about a man she fell in love with. This was immediately after her divorce 6 years ago. The man was married and they begun an affair which lead to her falling in love with him. He had promised to leave his wife but never did but had always told her he would. This affair came to an end as she wanted him but realized he would never make the break and had tried to understand herself that she was living in disappointment and pain. So, 6 months later I'm on the scene. She has told me all this and cries telling me about it, but tells me she is moving on and wants to see what may happen with me. Well, only last week her ex had heard about her interest in me and had telephoned her. I can only say she had told him she wanted to move on and be with me. (she told me this.) He is still married and has had one heart attack a year ago. My problem is this attachment to him. Am I right that this is a major red flag for me? Could I invest in this lady? I don't know. I feel as if there is too much history here for me to compete with. Or, perhaps she is trying to move on. If anyone has any thoughts I'd be really grateful. Do I invest in her slowly or move on myself? Anything I've missed I'll fill in the details. Thank you. xxxx
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affair, divorce, fell in love, her ex, move on Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, QuirkLady  + ♥, writes (3 July 2009):
 I think the fact that she was honest with you about it is an excellent sign. She could have easily hid it from you but she wants you to know that she is choosing you over him. In addition, the story tells me that she had the mental strength to leave him and do the right thing.
It would be a good idea to take it slow - IMHO that's always a good idea - but I don't think it's a stop sign. Yes, she probably still has some leftover feelings for him, but then again it was a lengthy relationship, and you don't get completely over one of those in a few months. She obviously likes you and wants to give you a chance, and it sounds like she is trying to put the past in the past. Give her a chance and keep getting to know her.
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