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She has a boyfriend and I don't want to come between them...but I love her. What should I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Teenage, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 November 2010) 6 Answers - (Newest, 24 November 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi i have a situation, i've had feelings for this girl for 10 years (yea i knw its a lot), (we went to the same school thu :( ) but i haven't told her about my feelings yet, anyways i have been getting close to her lately but she acts to be uninterested. During the time we were in school she 've had been in a few relationships, i watched as she moved in and out of them...the last boyfriend she had was my closest friend and they were together for about a year until i realised that things had gone sour but they continued 2 b friends still...now that i've gotten close enough to her i still feel that she has no interest in me at all, but yesterday i confessed my feelings for her and she told me that she knew about my feelings all those while but now she has a boyfriend and can only be friends with me, (and yes she has a boyfriend, cos i saw them together today)...I said its ok, that i'ld prefer to be her friend than to be the one to break her heart later then i left... now i am confused i dnt knw wat to do, i knw dat i truly love her and i do not wnt to throw away that feeling, i've tried to forget about her but it makes me cry whenever i try to, i love her but i dnt wnt to come in between her and her current boyfriend...Pls wat i do?

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (24 November 2010):

TimmD agony auntAs she told you, girls know when you have feelings for them. The truth is, if she was at all interested in you romantically then she would have pursued you. She likes you but only as a friend, it's that simple. You must move on from her. Otherwise you will just sit around focused on someone who doesn't like you THAT way and you may miss other opportunities.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010):

It's been 10 years and she's never shown an interest in you on a romantic level. If it was going to happen it would have by now. YOU say yourself that she's not interested so why do this to yourself?

You need to move on. By all means stay her friend but accept that's all you will ever be. I know it must hurt but she isn't going to wake up one day and suddenly fall in love with you. Once you've accepted that it's not going to happen you can start to move on. Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010):

You should leave her alone...she is taken...it is that simple.

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (24 November 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntYou're going to have to move on mate. She knew you had feelings for her all along and yet she still dated other guys, so she's clearly never going to be interested in you in that way. Don't mistakenly think that if they break up that she's suddenly going to be with you. She won't. I'm sorry, but that's the absolute truth.

No woman is worth this much heart ache... especially when its 10 years worth of unrequited love. There are other wonderful, unique and beautiful women out there, all you need do is actually take your undying attention away from this one and notice them. Except this time, don't aim for friendship first... you can inadvertently turn courtship into an uphill battle for yourself.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (24 November 2010):

dirtball agony auntCan I buy a vowel? Seriously, this isn't a text message. Try typing whole words.

Step one. Walk away. It sucks because she didn't reject you because of you which gives you hope that there is a chance if they break up. So, you walk away and see if you're still feeling these things if they do break up.

Step two. Move on. Try and get yourself a girl who is interested in you and who will reciprocate your feelings. This will help you get your mind off this girl and show her that other people are interested in you. People often want what they can't have. Take yourself off the market and you may find an increased interest.

Cut your contact with her. You've done what you can. She knows where you stand so now it's time to let it go since it's not happening.

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A male reader, Kenj United Kingdom +, writes (24 November 2010):

Kenj agony auntIf you love her then dont ruin her current relationship.

You have done all you can by making your feelings known, just let it go and try and find someone else to be in love with.

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