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She got so drunk she can't remember hours of her night out!

Tagged as: Gay relationships, Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 December 2013) 7 Answers - (Newest, 21 December 2013)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

my girlfriend of a year and a half went out last night on bourbon street in new orleans with her brother and got black out drunk and seperated from him. said she doesn't even remember how she got back to her hotel room this morning and can't recall a handful of other hours before that.

she went out around midnight last night and messaged me around 7 a.m. when she got back to the hotel to say she made it and to say i love you and goodnight. i could tell she was extremely drunk because the text message was barely legible. but i didn't care. that's what people do on bourbon street - get hammered and stay out all night. i was just glad she was safe.

come this afternoon, she called me to talk and was telling me about her night - the parts that she could recall. then she made some stupid comment saying "god, bourbon street is so dirty, i think i need to get checked for STD's now." i was like "huh?"

i asked her if something happened last night or if she was just making a bad joke. she said she made a really bad joke and was only referencing how dirty it was, and that she didn't think she legitimately needed to be checked. however, i then asked if she was completely certain nothing happened, and she said she literally couldn't remember. that she felt in her heart that nothing had happened, but that she legitimately didn't remember hours of her evening, no matter how hard she tried. she told me she felt confident that she would never do that to me, but that she just doesn't have the memories to back it up. only a gut feeling that nothing happened.

i expressed needing a minute to think. i didn't want to over-react. this sort of thing has never happened before in our entire relationship. never once has she ever given me reason not to trust her. she's never cheated before and usually when she gets drunk, she shoves people off of her who hit on her. i've seen it happen. but the fact that she can't remember really alarms me. she has been black out drunk a time or two before since we've been together, and it wasn't pretty lol. but it was while she was with me and i could look after her. and aside from being really obnoxious (lol), she never hit on anyone or anything remotely like that. i hate when she drinks to that point, but it's so rare, that it's not a real issue.

we have a very loving and healthy relationship. so that's what catches me so off-guard here. the whole time she was out, never once did her cheating even cross my mind. it wasn't even a thought. but then she can't say with certainty she didn't cheat? i guess she's just trying to be honest, since she literally can't remember. however, it makes me really uncomfortable.

how would you guys respond/feel?

View related questions: drunk, I love you, std, text

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A male reader, M Proops United Kingdom +, writes (21 December 2013):

I'd be more concerned about her heavy drinking.You only have to look at tv programmes here in the UK regarding weekends in our city centres.Droves of legless women puking,urinating and passing out unconscious.They can easily be taken advantage of sexually by male predators.Luckily we have lots of cctv here so the police can act.But out of view? Next morning most can't remember what went on the night before.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (21 December 2013):

Honeypie agony auntBourbon Street is FILTHY. I am pretty sure she meant is as a joke. That place is jam packed with drunks who puke everywhere.. NASTY. (just saying)

Did she cheat? I don't think so, unless she woke up naked next to a stranger. I would be more worried that she drink so much that she blacks out. Not a good sign.

I would be more concerned that she doesn't seem to know her limit, then if she might, could, possibly, have cheated.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013):

Hmm…A similar thing recently happened to me.

I went out with some girl friends for a night and there was a solid hour that I don't remember at all.

When I realized that the next day I freaked out for a minute, like, "OMG, what if I did something!?" But then I realized I would NEVER do anything like that. When I'm sober I'm not flirtatious, have never had any desire to cheat, etc. If a guy comes up to talk to me I may make small talk for a couple minutes and then mention that I have a boyfriend so that he knows.

I KNOW that I didn't do anything inappropriate that night, because I never would. If anything, drinking makes me think about my BF even more and then I tend to talk about him a lot. hahaha

I didn't mention any of this to my BF because I didn't want him to worry about "what ifs" like you are. But trust me, you don't have anything to worry about here :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013):

I would be seriously worried if my partner spent hours if an evening unable to recall a thing, I very much doubt she cheated, as your description of her doesn't sound like someone who could change suddenly when drunk. But getting drink to the point of no memory she could have been mugged, attacked or raped and have literally no memory of whether it happened.

I would seriously encourage her to drink within her limits, whose idea of a good time is blacking out?! Everyone likes to go and let off steam every now and again but no one needs to drink that much. Tell her the risks, but at her age she should be more aware - if she's the same age as yours is showing - I am younger and would never drink to blacking out.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (21 December 2013):

person12345 agony auntIf she is not normally a flirtatious or handsy drunk, I think it's pretty unlikely she'd magically transform into a differently behaving drunk. It seems pretty clear that nothing happened. She's been that drunk before and you know what she's like, and she's not the kind who goes around trying to get in everyone's pants. I think you should just trust her.

She was definitely joking about the STD comment.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (21 December 2013):

TasteofIndia agony auntWell, I think what she said was definitely a joke. And if she's never given you a reason to doubt her, and you've seen that when she gets shwasted that she leans towards obnoxious and not at ALL interested in male attention instead of handsy and lusty - I wouldn't begin being suspicious now. After all, her night is clearly completely blank in her memory, so there's no reason to get hung up on something that may or may not have happened (odds generously, GENEROUSLY in the favor of "may not have").

You have a loving and healthy relationship. Be grateful and don't worry about this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2013):

Going off what you said, it's highly unlikely anything happened.

People blank out after drinking copious amounts but if anything had happened, she would at least remember talking to some guy or waking up next to some guy.

It was a bad joke.

I'd be very very surprised if anything happened.


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