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She gives me mixed signals, I'm confused

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 February 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 16 February 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, *enQ writes:

Looking for any advise here, I'm really confused. And sorry this is long, I like to ramble, and there is a long ish back story.

I met a girl about 3 weeks ago when I was out with friends. There was an amazing attraction between us both straight away. I spent the whole night talking with her, learning all about her, and telling her about me.

The time came for all the pubs and clubs to close, and I asked her if she wanted me to walk her home, and she agreed.

Walked her home, and I made a promise to myself to take this slow, not rush into things. I felt something different, and wasn't for messing it up.

We stayed up til 7am talking, laughing, and only as I was about to go, she kissed me.

Over the next 8 days, I saw her on 7 of them. She works late (til 3am) and on a few occasions, she came and stayed at my place. We shared a bed, but nothing ever passed kissing, hugging, and being warm together (in my freezing flat).

I Normally have 2 problems with women: rushing into things, and also I am a compulsive liar.

With this girl, I chose from the start to be me, and see how things went.

One night, she told me she was really confused with things, how she'd never had a serious relationship before, and how it was strange to meet a guy who wanted to be with her, for her.

We talked. With me just out of a 14 month relationship, and her just meeting and getting to know me, neither of us knew what we wanted with each other. Was this relationship just for fun, or was it more, neither of us knew.

Over the next week, I saw her more, out in places with her friends, around Uni. We kissed and held hands, and I felt really happy. We talked lots, shared some really personal things, got to know one another better. We decided to be honest with each other, and shared some serious stuff.

After knowing each other about 3 weeks, things heated up slightly, in a sexual way. She had came back to mine after one night at work, and I was really tired (up and in University for 9am, waited up for her til 3.30am), but we started kissing passionately, and things were leading down an all to familiar road. Just as it was leading somewhere, she got up and went to the bathroom, and when she came back, we just hugged and lay there and went to sleep.

This didn't bother me. I was happy with where we were, and really wanted to take things further(emotionally), say to her that I wanted more than just fun, and to be her boyfriend(also kinda wanted to prove that guys don't just want girls for sex).

Before I got my chance to tell her this, out of the blue, she texts me and tells me she just wants to be friends.

That was 3-4 days ago. I haven't seen her since, due to her work and my work.

Now when we're texting each other, she seems really happy to talk to me, and says she really wants to see me(and she misses me), but just as a friend.

I thought things were going so well, and she really seemed to like me, but now I'm confused. What is going on... What do i do...

BQ

View related questions: at work, kissing, liar, text, university

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A female reader, Kendra United States +, writes (16 February 2008):

The reason she said that, was because she wanted you to say something else, like the fact that you actually want more than just friendship. That was her way of throwing it out there, without putting herself on the line. It was for you to come back and "help" to turn it into something more. Trust me on this. Get her to open up and confide in you how she really feels. Women are just as scared as men, if not more!!

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A female reader, Kendra United States +, writes (16 February 2008):

The reason she said that, was because she wanted you to say something else, like the fact that you actually want more than just friendship. That was her way of throwing it out there, without putting herself on the line. It was for you to come back and "help" to turn it into something more. Trust me on this. Get her to open up and confide in you how she really feels. Women are just as scared as men, if not more!!

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A male reader, BenQ United Kingdom +, writes (14 February 2008):

BenQ is verified as being by the original poster of the question

BenQ agony auntI'd like to thank you all for your responses and all the help.

Especially to Danielepew, who's advise I will be taking, and moving on.

I plan to keep this girl in my life, as she is a good friend to me, but to move on and find the girl who is right for me, rather than getting hung up on one who is perhaps not.

Thanks to you all again

BQ

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A male reader, andee United Kingdom +, writes (13 February 2008):

i had practically the same thing man!

(but i'm only 16)

she kept telling me she loved me and all this crap, and it never moved forward from kissing, then one day, seemingly out of the blue, she finished it and said she just wanted to be friends.

now the thing is tho, i've recently found out that she's a bit of a female player, and likes to mess with guys minds and have several guys fighting over her.

for me, the best thing to do is to ignore her and get over her, however, i think that the person who said that she was judging you the entire time and you didnt notice is right.

that may even be applicable to my situation (she didnt like what i was, and so got back with her ex, who she thinks can give her everything she wants)

do you want her back or are you just a bit miffed as to what you did wrong?

(sorry that i ranted, its just that the same thing happened to me like 2 days ago and i'd like to get to the bottom of it ;) )

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A male reader, Kawika United States +, writes (13 February 2008):

Kawika agony auntI dont know how far its gone...but I think there is still away to get her back. It will depend on your tenacity. Have you ever heard the saying..."Girls say they want a "nice guy", but in reality they want an "Ape". I conferred this with many beautiful woman, and its true. They can't get enough of a man's "Confidence", "Passion", and "Dominance". When I mean dominance not in a perverted sense, but in a manhood sense. They want a man who is willing to take control (not controlling). They love a man who is willing to lead and set the stage for a passionate encounter. It is the mystery, intrigue, and the provocative excitement that fuels their passion for that sexy (James Bond) type of man. Every woman loves a man who can make them feel sexy and excited. If that wasn't true than why do you think women love to buy and wear Lingerie...because it makes them feel and look sexy. Girls may not openly admit it, but they are just as hungry for sex as men. They just take longer than men to get horny (okay, wrong word...lets say "excited"). Don't ask me why...I think it is biological. I maybe wrong. Okay, my disclaimer...I am not suggesting that you need to be a "player" by trying to get as many girls into bed. That is not what I am saying. I'm saying that once you find that special person, I think you need to do her a favor by being a Man...a Sexy one. They love that. If not, you might as well just be friends. What emotions will you be sparking in her? Friends or Passionate Love. I hope you choose the latter.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (13 February 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntShe wants to be friends for now and setting the boundaries .She does not want you to have high hopes or build up too high an expectations from this relationship.

She does not want to commit yet or to be involved on a deeper and more intimate level..

Just be friends and treat her like one.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (13 February 2008):

Danielepew agony auntCrystal clear: she doesn't want to get involved with you. And she didn't dump you out of the blue. You just failed to notice she was measuring you up all the time, and you failed her test. You're not what she wants. You need to accept it and move on.

Now, just as you don't meet her needs, she doesn't meet yours. She gave you reasons to think you'd be more than friends. And you never approached her as a friend; from the very beginning you made it clear that you had romantic intentions with her. She knew this. So you don't have to be her friend. Here, "friend" is an euphemism; its real meaning is "not a boyfriend".

Move on and never look back. Spare yourself the pain.

I commend you on not lying, and in not rushing. This is the way to go.

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