A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My fiancee and I just had sex for the first time. Well, some of you might not really call it that. I'll spare you the details. We were both virgins. She was even my first kiss. Basically we went slowly but once it was all the way in she started freaking out cause she didn't feel her hymen breaking or anything like that. She's worried that a guy had broken it years ago when he fingered her and that medically she hasn't been a virgin since. She feels bad cause I was supposed to be her first. I've told her she's still a virgin since she's never actually had sex before but she was still really freaked out. I tried to pull out but she begged me to put it back in. So I did and she was okay for a little while. I didn't really feel much since I was so worried but she was obviously really enjoying it. But then she started freaking out again. So I pulled out and held her in my arms. She was really freaking out. Eventually she calmed down and started apologizing because she felt she ruined my first time. I told it was fine and that my first time was perfect since it was with her and that's all that matters, but she still felt bad. We've talked about it and she's decided that not only does she not want to have sex she doesn't want to do anything close to it. I don't know what to do. I'll support her, but it's tough. I mean, that was my first time too and it really didn't go nearly as well as I hoped and it ended in her freaking out, almost crying, and possibly the end of all sexual activity for who knows how long. On the plus side she says she'll make it up to me on our honeymoon but that isn't for years. I don't know what to do. Please help.
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both virgins, fiance, hymen, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, michele21 +, writes (2 November 2008):
 well the first time i had sex i never popped my cherry or blead in anyway and it was the first time i ever did anything sexual period but then about 3 years later i was having sex with my partner and i started bleeding and i wasn't on my period so it was weird it happened so many years later but i think its natural it could have already been busted or just not busted yet tell her not to read so much into it and if she is that freaked out about it tell her to go see her gyno and he can tell her whats going on truley if she is that worried....or maybe she is just making up some excuse not to be with you or have sex with you anymore??? it would bring up a few questions in my mind
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know what to do now. She still wants to wait but I feel like I desperately need to make this up to the both of us. I'd been looking forward to my first time for years and I feel like I've screwed it up for both of us by A)not telling her I was pretty sure her hymen wasn't intact and B)not stopping things as soon as she started having problems.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2008): Honestly, it was probably already broken, but not necessarily by a guy fingering her. These days, the majority of women break their hymens way before they have sex, through playing sports, riding horses, doing athletics etc.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 October 2008):
 A hymen is not all what it's cracked up to be. I was my ex wife's first as well. She didn't pop or bleed as people say "pop the cherry" is suppose to happen. I've heard many stories of first times. Some bleed, some don't. Everyone is not the same. One thing that is for sure is that until a private part enters into another private part virginity remains.
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