A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my g/f dated for 4 years. At the beginning everything was incredible. She had been in a 7 year relationship a year before and she would tell everyone that she had never felt what she had with me before and never knew it existed. We grew so much together and we learned so much. After a while my insecurities got the better of me though because she had a past and i didn't, so i started digging. and when she would tell me things i would get defensive and we would fight. this got to the point where we just avoided it, but when it came up it got more and more bitter. i broke up with her last year in september because i said we needed space and she was devistated and wanted me back up until Jan of last year when i wanted her back and the rolls reversed. Then I chased her and she needed space to figure out her things. by about Feb. '06 we cut off all communication, and then about 1-1/2 months after we got back together. From that point everything was great again for about 3 months, and then the old issues came up again. Anyway, to make a long story short. since Jan 07' she started doing her masters and the fights got bigger, and with so much on her plate we became less patience with one another and more and more distant and bitter, eventually leading to no intimacy for about 2 months, until yesterday she met me for a coffee after not seeing her for a week. She said she thought a lot about us and that she feels she loves me and could stay with me forever because I am an amazing person, but that feeling of being "in love" is not there and she's not in it 100% and thats not fair to me so she wanted to go our seperate ways. What do i do? Is she fed up? confused? convinced we are just two different people? Is there a chance for us again? We both love and care for each other very much. Please help!
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female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (6 April 2007):
She may still have the feelings of resentment for dumping her in the first place. You dumped here and it showed her you were not as great and trustworthy as she may have thought you were.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2007): Is she fed up? Is she confused? Yes, she is fed up and no, she is not confused. The old issues you speak of...your issues--killed this relationship. Plain and simple. And I think you are very painfully aware of what happened. You had a gf who had been in a 7 year long committed relationship with someone before you and then embarked on giving you 4 years of her life, as well. So what type of sordid past did she have, that you couldn't leave well enough alone? And if you were digging, then she likely trusted and loved you enough to tell you things that was absolutely 'no business of yours to begin with'. She's tired of the BS, hun and yes, she probably does love you but not in the way that substantiates a good, healthy, long term relationship with you. You had these 'issues' that kept rearing up. Your feelings counted more-her feelings didn't count. You proved over time, you didn't want to change and let these issues die so thus you proved to her that...she will continually pay the price. No woman wants a lifetimes of her man's insecurities and unloving behaviours, haunting her happiness. So you ask-is there a chance? I don't know. But what I do know...is you need to learn to drop your own jealousies and insecurities or you will never find true happiness. You own these problems. They were neverhers to begin with. If you can't do it on your own..get into counseling and some self-esteem building courses. Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (5 April 2007):
 It maybe a case of her wanting different things. You both have had time apart which gives people time to reflect upon themselves. She may have changed in a way which changes her prioties in life or just her needs. The thing that confuses me is that she says she loves you but then says she does'nt and not in it 100%.Is this love a caring love someone would have for a dear friend or what? Time apart from a loved one can go both ways, it can bring you closer together or pull you apart. Be up front with er as much as you can. Ask her what she means by this statement, it sounds conflicting to me but i'm a bloke. You need some female feedback on this one to get a fuller picture.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2007): So, are you saying that you are fighting because of her past? If so, why should the past matter? If you take the past out of the equation, would there be any other problems? She can't change what happened in her past, so fighting does not help. What you need to do is get over your insecurity and try to accept that she is here for you and her past is in the past. So now you are at the point where she feels like she is no longer in love but still cares a little. Perhaps what you need to do if you still want to continue this relationship is to figure out why it is no longer there. Lay out what it is that both of you want from a relationship to feel happy and fulfilled, prioritize them, and then examine if it is possible for the two of you to give each other what you absolutely need. Are there things that both of you could change to make the relationship better? If there is anything that she absolutely needs that you cannot change, then perhaps it was not meant to be. I hope this helps.
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