A
male
age
51-59,
*olaris1
writes:Dear Cupid,I live in Shanghai and have been in a good relationship with a 28 year old Chinese girl for almost a year, I am 37 years old. She is a very sweet girl and I feel she truly loves me. She is traditional and wants to get married soon, I'm feeling a lot of pressure from her and we have started arguing on a regular basis, I would like to marry her.The fact is I keep delaying the process as I have not told her I am already married. The reason for this is because my last relationship failed when I told the girl.I guess I was scared to lose her and I wanted to see how things go. I know it is wrong. I would like to know how to handle this, I have now found myself with sleepless nights and feel pretty bad. I love her dearly, I am starting divorce beginning of may, I have been separated since 2006I need to confront her with the truth, could you give me some advise on how to deal with this situation with some hope. All the best solaris1
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male
reader, solaris1 +, writes (27 April 2010):
solaris1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everybody's advise with my problem and your suggestions have been taken to heart, I will update with the results. Sometimes I guess we cry out for help and it's great people can be united, I hope I can advise someone with a problem in the future. Thank you to Cupid for supplying such a great site. All the best.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Well she's going to be upset. However, the fact that you were at least separated from your wife when you got involved and have started the process of your divorce shows your true intentions. Granted, you probably should have been up front with in the beginning, and simply told her you were married, but separated, and at least thinking about getting divorced. Alot of women will still get involved with a man, who is in this situation if they feel he's serious about leaving his wife. The fact that you are filing for divorce will help, but that is only if she doesn't get hung up by your lack of honesty. Come clean and take your chances. It's the only way.
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Solaris, this is a sticky situation. I was about to just yell at you before seeing that you have been separated for a few years. You SHOULD have told her in the beginning, regardless of the other relationship, but I understand so the question is now "now what?". I would probably just sit her down one day, and just tell her everything. Tell her why you were afraid to tell her, and let her know how deeply sorry you are. Make sure she knows she is the only woman you care about. However, don't make it seem like you are only telling her because of her marriage pressure. Make it seem separated from that, like you are just coming clean in order to tell her the truth and that's it. I really hope this helps, take what I said with a grain of salt. Ultimately, you have to feel it out and figure out how to approach it yourself. Good luck, man.
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