A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a woman as a friend for 3 months. She is a divorcee. I mentioned i was interested in a relationship with her, but she said it was too soon after the break up of her marriage, 6 months ago.Anyway she went on holiday and had a one night stand, which she told me about.Now i've broken off the friendship. It feels like she's used me for emotional support and had sex with someone else a stranger. I feel cheated. Should i have said i just want sex?Now get this. Now she says she loves me and wants a relationship.My heads hurting from try to figure this out.Can you help?
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divorce, on holiday, one night stand Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Thanks Yummie Mammy,
That's what I actually meant to say. Your wrong Twist-Of-Fate, it's not that she dosen't think he's attractive, but she thinks so highly of him that she didn't want to take any chance of hurting him. Some strange guy that she dosen't care about was easier to use than a guy she likes and she knows likes her. As yummie mammy says, women can have rules about situations like this, and it is well known that the first guy you sleep with is the rebound guy and unlikely to last. She's waited because your special and she didn't want to spoil things between you.
A
female
reader, Yummie Mammy  +, writes (12 June 2008):
Think I might contradict some of the other responces here but, yes she has emotional baggage, and when entering a new relationship then you need to leave your baggage at the door - simple as! Is she ready to leave that baggage at the door, probably not. Six months isn't long enough to get over a marriage breakdown.
However, don't be offended that she didn't sleep with you, infact take it as a complement. I was told a golden rule of dating a while back and it's true, concerning when you first start dating - if you like a bloke, sleep with him, if you REALLY like him, DON'T!!!! Boost your ego and tell yourself that she was playing by that rule.
Tell her she needs time to heal properly, but remain friends with her if you feel you can, but be on your guard and don't allow yourself to get into any difficult situations.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I think "hannah 76" is explaining it to you very well.
I urge you, stay clear from this woman;
give her plenty more time to resolve her own issues; do not get roped in; ultimately get used and hurt;
she needs time to heal and you need to move on;
find somebody ready and willing to love you and value you and respect you!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Hello,
Leave this as she is coming into a relationship with too much baggage and needs to heal. The one night stand was just no-strings fun!
Remember, you asked her for a relationship and now she has the power, unfortunately, to simply pick up the phone and have you. For your own good, it's best not to pursue her. Form what I can see, the best you would get would probably only be a short fling as she is still healing. You may wish to pursue the fling as a matter of fun or pleasure, but I don't believe she is the one for you long-term at this moment in your life with regards to her circumstances. Unfortunately, you would be entering into a lot of uncertainty and emotional baggage with her.
Good Luck Hannah xx
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A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Ahh, I feel for you on this one, I have been in a similar situation with a guy who had just got out of relationship.
After being messed about in a similar way I ended up giving it up as him just not being ready and moved on. I did take it personally at the time, but now looking back I think that it wasn't personal, it was just him simply not being ready.
She shouldn't have led you on the way she has, but most probably she is all over the place emotionally and hasn't meant to hurt you intentionally.
If I were you I would simply let her know that you don't think she's ready yet and needs time to be single for a while, and if she still feels the same way in the future, and you're still single then perhaps you can date then.
Good luck and do cheer up, the saying 'it's not you it's me' really does apply here in my opinion! (with the me being her!) xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Six months ago, she was not ready for a relationship. Obviously she values your friendship and was worried that by becoming intimate, she would lose you. Her one night stand gave her the confidence to know that she's attractive to the opposite sex.
Time and circumstances have changed her, she now feels confident to try a relationship with you. I can't promise things will work out, and I can't promise she won't hurt you, but from where I'm standing this is probably the reason why she rejected you at first and now why she wants to make your relationship closer.
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