A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First year I dated this guy he's 4 years older than me....he showed me emails of this girl asking how he was and wanted to talk to him check up on him, I asked him who was she? He told me it was one of his ex girlfriends that cheated on him with a guy she's still with because he did not took their relationship to the next level (sex) .She was six years younger than him and she was still 13 when they start going out so he was afraid of having sex with her at that age. He asked me if I wanted to respond to her but I said no, it's a waste of time we can just ignore her and she will eventually stop. 3 years passed and this girl is still sending messages (OMG) she don't know when to quit!!! Even my boyfriend was angry and confused why she wanted to be friends after what she did to him? He told me to respond to her and cuss her off from his email but I wanted to be the better person and said just forget it. Two years later this girl is still sending messages but this time she got aggravated apparently she saw my boyfried at the College they both went to she wanted to say Hi but he flat out ignored her. I thought he handle it well at that time until six months later i found out he emailed her back finally behind my back (he promised me he don't want to contact her again) I got really agry when I confront him he said she wanted her to stop that's why he send her a closure. When I read his email (3 pages) I don't see no closure, he did not even mentioned me at all. I saw deep emotional feelings and somebody who is still in love and hurt....eg :- he mentioned that God had taken her away from him because he put her first in life before God (WTH) I got so angry and we got into a huge fight......my thing is she don't deserve a closure!!! She cheated on him with her current fiancé and she still wants to be friends? I was so angry that I finally respond to her from his email telling her there is no way in hell she would be friends with my fiance while he's with me, she needs to focus on her relationship before she cheated on him too just like she did with my him, also send a facebook message to her fiancé and told him what his gifriend has been doing in the past years and it's causing problems between us. Her fiancé also send me a message apologizing for her behavior he also told me that he knows my boyfriend too and the relationship they once have he told me he don't like her going behind his back to contact my boyfriend either!! 2 weeks later her mother ran into my boyfriend at the mall she pulled him aside and told him what a piece of work I was (the nerves), he came home and told me what a drama queen she was. Thank God I was not at there that day......nothing I hate most than people who don't mind their own business. Now I fee like the big bad wolf cause he got friends that friends with her that thinks I'm a total B when they don't even know me. I just hope this girl would leave us alone. I dont understand why in the world she still wants to be friends with my fiance while acting so naive like she did nothing wrong in the past?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2015): Hi
I totally agree with the other anon female answer. You now have the answer to your question as to why his ex would not stop getting in touch. Because your boyfriend was getting in touch with her also. Maybe leading her on for his own reasons.
Asking you to get involved is a common ploy for men who like to have women fighting over them. Makes them feel good. He can stand back and pretend that your response was nothing to do with him, that you're jealous and you don't like her emailing him. Which you don't. For good reason.
Time to wake up and smell the coffee and realise that your BF is not the innocent he is pretending to be. You have proof of this in finding a 3 page email to her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 April 2015):
 What I really don't get is why he didn't INITIALLY asked her to stop contacting him, and after THAT ignoring her.
3 pages SPEAKS to a LOT of emotions.
And dating a 13 year old? HOW old was he at the time? I mean GOOD on him for not taking it further. Having sex with a 13 year old is not only "illegal" it's also morally wrong. But he was STILL DATING her.
SHE was 13! for crying out loud. No wonder she kept trying to stay in touch, the girl IS YOUNG and IMMATURE. (which is probably why she cheated in the first place).
BEING mad at her is illogical. SHE is not the one you are with. YOUR BF is. SO if he can't MAN up and END this drama, YOU are supposed to? Seriously?
As for all this drama? WHY did your BF tell this girl's mom that THIS had nothing to do with you? Why did HE let you be the bad guy?
And WHY did he tell YOU to tell her off? WTF - that is NOT your job, that is his. YOU made a MAJOR blunder when yo ue-mailed her and "told her off". HE should have been MAN enough to do so. SHE was/is HIS PROBLEM. He can't leave YOU to do all HIS dirty work.
As for what other people think? WHY CARES. If they have never met you and are so BUSY judging you, they aren't WORTH your time.
And honestly? YOU BF needs to man up. And take care of HIS mess.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): I am sorry, but the long letter you read was not the first contact he sent to her over 5 years. He has obviously been in contact with her all along behind your back, and she didn't know about you because he never told her that he had a new girlfriend.She might leave you alone, but I bet my bottom dollar that if she stops the contact with him, your boyfriend will start it up again. .I think you are too good for this guy. He has an emotional affair with his ex the entire time you are dating, will not stand up for you with his friends, and also lets his ex-girlfriends mother talk shit about you to him in public! If I was you I would get out of this relationship. I hope the ex's fiancee is smart enough to do the same. Maybe give him a heads up when you break up with your boyfriend so he can keep his eyes peeled for your BF to start trying to get back into her life behind his back! I am sorry that you have been with this poor excuse for a human being for this long, but you are still young and there are lots of men out there that will not treat you this way. Please have respect for yourself and get out there to find one!Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2015): Why are you still with a man who has sent 3 pages professing his love for another person? Why settle for that? Why have a man who cannot fight his own battles and comes to you like a little boy would go to his mother - asking YOU to be the one who emails her back and tells her to back off.Sounds like you have a real keeper...seriously, you want to marry this man? You have a choice, to be with someone clearly not over an ex and settle for that or you stand up and state the obvious -that you aren't staying with a man who clearly isn't over his ex! She wants friendship, and you seem to be angry at her but your partner has gone behind your back to email her. It's not all this other woman, your partner is playing his part too. Do you really want to settle and be second best? I wouldn't.
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