A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys,I have been in a relationship for 9-10 months. We get along very very well, have lots of fun, similar sense of humour, sex is amazing, similar character and from the same "stock", as they say.However, I have been planning a year-long journey to the other side of the world, and she has brought the relationship to an end to save her own heartache - two months before my departure. The trip was always planned, we both knew that, and I never forced her into coming with me. I left it up to her to decide, as she has many reasons to stay in other areas of her life.I had been planning to make the next two months memorable and romantic. But she has been in the position before and has decided to make the decision. I have respected her decision, and we are on good terms. But the feeling is still there. Has anybody had experience in this? My guess is I should value the fact that it has ended amicably, and accept that, if in future, we are to meet again, then so be it. What would you do?!?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2015): Leaving for a year is a massive deal. Yes, she might well have know about it when you started dating but months have passed and you two have become more serious and more feelings have become involved. Suddenly she doesn't want to be the woman patiently awaiting your return. She will be living hee day to day life whilst you are surrounded by new things, new people and new experiences. I have friends who were together 2 years, they couldn't go travelling together so they bid farewell and Skyped whenever they could. It was a 4 month trip and right near the end my friend cheated on her boyfriend. She had been in a complete bubble, removed from any mundane feeling of everyday life and made a massive mistake. At the time, she felt going back and picking up the relationship where it left off would be hard. She had grown as a person seeing new things and felt like a different person. Understandably, your gf does not want the pain and hurt of a phone call or email from you asking to end things once you're gone. It may be you get back and can rebuild a relationship, who knows. Right now she can start moving on from the relationship and hopefully you two will part as friends.I disagree with the answer stating you should be jumping for joy. Leaving for a year is a big deal! Not everyone will want a ldr or the stress of worrying that you're ok, when they will hear from you next and also the very natural concern you might meet someone else whilst you're gone. Just like you shouldn't pass up a year travelling for a relationship, why should she give up a career, home and the life she has to follow you?Sadly, sometimes people meet each other at the wrong time even though you're well matched. Maybe when you're back things may work out, but at least while you're away you only need to worry about yourself. Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2015): hey i have the same problem my girl have to live to another city
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 August 2015):
 I think a year of distance can work between married couples or those who intend to marry at a later date. If she is the same age as you and want to be a first time mother, she would not risk the relationship not working out because a woman's fertility slows down after 30. She would rather find one who's stuck in the same city she is and has no plans to travel for a long time, unless it's a short family vacation.
That could be one reason besides as others say she's using this for an excuse to end it.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (19 August 2015):
 The mere fact that you are in your 30s and have decided to travel overseas for 1 whole year, says on your part, that you're not fully/totally committed and/or completely in love with this woman.Yes, i do hear you and many others saying, this is utter rubbish, however, if you think long, hard and deeply enough, you will see that my point is valid to some extent.You say your relationship with your gf is great, the sex is amazing, etc;, however, if it's that great, yet you're very prepared to leave and risk losing her, which it seems you have anyway, then to write to us, informing us, that if that's the outcome, then you accept that and if you guys are meant to be in the future, then so be it.Most people who are seriously committed, deeply in love, would most definitely go together, if it's for as long as 1 whole year.It's really interesting that she hasn't chosen to accompany you and if she did, would you like that?I'm not sure if you've really thought about the length of time of your impending absence, but 1 year is a long time!Not many people would happily choose to be away from their lover, for 1 whole year.The fact is, that this type of lengthy absence will not make your grow fonder of one another, if anything, the complete opposite.You obviously love your sex life with her and if you're not able to have sex with her whilst you're overseas, chances are, you may well get the urge and have sex with somebody else.That's your business anyway and that's ok, but you surely couldn't and wouldn't expect her to still be waiting for you when you return.Then again, i suspect that as you're leaving for so long and presumably, if you did choose to connect intimately with another woman, that this would really spell the end for you guys. It would spell out loud and clear, that you guys were never meant to be anyway.One could say, it was great whilst it lasted, but we were never going to be together for the long term and that's ok too.Just don't expect so much from her either. I actually don't blame her.I'm married, but prior to our wedding, my fiance used to travel interstate for work quite regularly and he always maintained, that even the thought of having to leave me for 1 whole day, a few days, for 1 week, really affected him, although i didn't mind at all, as i knew and understood it was all work related. I also know, that healthy time apart is crucial, necessary and ok, but that's just how it is with my husband.When we both spend time with our close friends individually, even then we miss each other and we tell each other, once we're re-united.He tells me, that he misses me so much whilst he's away and he means it. Above all, i feel his sincerity.Everybody is different i know and no two relationships are the same, but as i mentioned prior, most people who cherish their relationships and partners, would find it very difficult, to be parted from their lover for 1 long year.With all due respect, that's a very big ask on your part and i wonder how you would feel, if the shoe was on the other foot.Ask yourself, how would i feel, if the woman i was deeply in love with and totally committed to, informed me during our relationship, that she must travel overseas for 1 year?You and i both know that things change and you may not feel so close to her anymore after 1 year.You have made up your mind, you do have the right to leave, nobody owns you, however, remember that you cannot have your cake and eat it too.I think your gf has done the absolute right thing and she is simply sparing herself any future pain, by remaining with you, whilst you're off travelling, having fun, meeting new and interesting people for 1 year.Safe travels to you and all the best!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (19 August 2015):
I would be jumping for joy :))) If all it takes is you leaving for a year for her to break up with you, I say it was coming one way or the other. This just gave her an excuse to do it faster.
Be thankful...you could have invested years into this and end up the same way.
The trip was a blessing. Now you know what kind of woman you want...one who sticks by you through good and bad times. :)))
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 August 2015):
 Not much you CAN do. Accept it. She had decide that she doesn't want to sit on her hands while you travel the World for a year, but she is at the same time cutting you off so YOU can do as YOU please that year you travel.
One of my co-worker went on a 6 months Asia travel, her fiance had been totally OK with it (or so he said) but 2 months after she left he hooked up with her best friend, and BLAMED it on HER (because she wanted to travel before marriage). Same best friend who she had let live in her apartment while she was gone.. Ultimate betrayal there. Anyhow.. They broke up when she got back (she didn't know what had gone on till she got back).
So I DO understand WHY she feel breaking up is "easier" now then for either of you to NOT stay faithful and all the dram that will create.
If she is the one for you, hopefully she is still single when you get back.
I personally, would NOT give up a years travel to stay in a relationship. But then again I know I can stay faithful for a year and I know I can handle a LDR. She might not.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 August 2015):
 Accept it amicably, go on about your preparations and just accept that it's what she wants. It may not be what you wanted or envisaged, but by the same token, having her boyfriend go off on a trip probably isn't what she wanted either.
There may well be some anger on her part that you are leaving, despite a good relationship, and she just couldn't pretend she was okay with it. Having 2 months of fantasy romance would probably not be very palatable for her.
If another boyfriend has done the same thing and she knows what to expect then I don't blame her for ending it now. The sooner it's over the sooner she can deal with your absence and get on with her life.
Safe journey to you!
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