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male
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anonymous
writes: I have been separated from my wife for 10 months now, and only recently have we began to talk without anger. We have 3 kids, and because of work, I am a distance dad who travels to see them about twice a month. Recently, my wife has been pressuring me continually to try and work things out with her, and for a variety of reasons, I have considered it.Unfortunately, when I come up with my reasons for giving our marriage another try, the biggest is that I miss being a daily part of my kids lives. While I have stayed at the house and tried to rekindle that old feeling, I can't seem to get it back.Has anyone else experienced a long-term separation, only to try and reclaim those old feelings? If so, how did you go about it? Is there ever a time when two parents should get back together "for the kids sake"? The kids are 19, 17, and 11. While I have a reasonably good relationship with the kids, I am sure they would love to see us back together.Confused and Uncertain.
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Dear Reader,
Well, I'm glad to hear that you still have a good relationship with the kids. If they were young children yes, I'd say get back together so they can grow up with a Daddy. but as these kids are older, I'd say it's up to you really. How do you feel about your wife. Do you still have feelings for her? Do you feel the kids need you there/ You could always be a regular visitor to the kdis but not actually get back together with your wife. give it time and see how it goes.
All the Best,
Phoebe
xxx
A
female
reader, desiree +, writes (30 March 2006):
Dear YouTrying to rekindle the love that has been gone for a while is hard work, but if there is love in your heart and both you and your wife work together to make this love blossom once again, then there is still hope. Try to focus and remember the good times that you had together. i am sure you have a couple of those moments--otherwise you wouldnt have 3 children, right ? Try to open up your heart and start all over again.. but before u do that make sure that you forgive your wife and yourself for your shotcomings and forget the past and close the last chapet... if it wouldnt work i beleive that your kids are old enough to understand that some things are better left the way it is... as long as u find time to show them that they are your priority 8 aside from your busy schedule ) you are being a good father to them.hope all would be well for u and try to find time to be alone and think things over... i can tell you loads of stuff but the last decision still lies in your hand. follow what your heart dectates you to do .. but make sure that your heart is also being guided by your head...best regards,Desiree
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A
male
reader, d4u04 +, writes (30 March 2006):
 As you are a distance dad it seems likely that it's coming down to a choice of your job or your home-life and you shouldn't have to choose. The kids are important i totally agree but if your relationship with their mother is not sustainable then it will only fall apart again sooner or later. I don't there is ever a time you have to get back together 'fot the kids sake,' because as much as you want to seem like a happy household for the kids, the old problems your relationship used to have are likely to surface again and kids of all ages are very intuative and will pick on the resentment and anger. I would try to visit them more if possible to show them that you still love them and you will make an effort to come and see them.
I hope it all works out for you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): Confused and Uncertain:It seems that those two words are a perfect example of someone that has a little hope for a future relationship with your wife. You have two teenage kids and a small boy. I have been living an unhappy life for the past 8 years because both my husband and I work. I have a 6 year old girl that loves us. But for the past 2 years I have been suspecting of my husband that he is having an affair because he travels for his work as you do. We lived apart from each other for 90 days, but my feeling of that I am being cheated comes back to me. Only because I don´t want my small daughter to suffer like I did when my parents divorced. I am living with my husband just for the sake of her, not because of me. Your happiness is what your heart saids. I believe that you should think it over and wait longer. I don´t know what has distance you from your wife, but only for your kids sake will not resolve your marriage! Good Luck!
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