A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend wants to move in after two years of relationship,I would absolutely love to but u don't want to do it just because her friends and cousins are. All her friends are moving out, living in private rent, wasting £600 per month in rent, her cousin had a baby and is now on benefits and will be for rest of her life.I'm currently working two jobs, 13 hours at a day. Weekends off.Within one year I have managed too secure a mortgage for two bedroom flat. I will be paying £500 which is cheaper than rent.Am I retarded to not pay rent? All I hear is oh my car is on finance, I have no debts no problems. Shall I move out now in a hurry because of my partner and her friends or shall I stick to my mortgage idea for next year. When I look at other people I'm compared to, they barely afford their own food. Whereas I have a nice car, freedom to go anywhere, no money restrictions. Or shall I move in and pay rent and stay in that forever? I know this will hurt many people as most people never pay outright and are in debt so they hate anyone who actually owns or is living comfortably.
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 April 2015):
 I can't see why your GF can't wait a year for you to be able to get your mortgage and THEN both of you move in, BOTH of you help contribute.
Sounds to me like she wants to live rent-free, but not with her folks.
You two already know that you can live together, you did it before. So maybe put the IDEA in her head to START saving up for the move? A new apartment will need ALL kind of things for the place. Stuff that you can buy over the next year while getting ready. Even IF you two don't work out, kitchen stuff (for example) is always useful.
If your parents are OK with you living another year rent-free - I don't see a problem with doing JUST that.
COMMON SENSE says that OWNING is "better" than renting. As it IS an investment in the future.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015): Chigirl- your response reminded of the typical friend of my girlfriend who think that there should be a compromise or risk losing the girl. When your are in a must more advantageous position than your partner, it's hard to compromise. Especially considering she doesn't have a much better plan.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2015): There isn't no complication moving in apart from she isn't working full time.
Also if I just follow the patterns of other people I will also be forcing my kids to pay me rent. I want to be comfortable enough where my gf does not have to work, I like that responsibility. If she wants to still work. That's up to her.
But for now I don't want to move in and pay rent and spent the remainder of savings on living costs.
I forgot to mention, I rented a flat for just over one year recently, and she moved in with me and we have a great time but I was paying all the rent, shopping etc. we loved it but she wasn't working, and I wanted to find a higher paying job so I moved back to parents and now I'm earning much higher.
I can move out today if I wanted to, but I feel for long term success I need to plan and go ahead.
I want to be at least a little settled before we have kids. We are serious together. But I would hate to have kids and work extensive hours and not be able to bring them up.
I hear this slot that, it's her decision it's her choice. She doesn't have any problem with me making decisions but it's her friends and cousins that are struggling on money, once crying over boyfriends cheating, on drugs and betting.
So when I focus on living at home, I'm told it's lack of life experience. Lol
Please tell me if I'm right or wrong. Love detailed responses
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): Woah, hold your guns here. Some people are being quite harsh with the OP.In HIS shoes, it would be very silly to move out when he does have someone who is able, willing and stable enough to accommodate him. Let's face it, everyone here would be relieved to have that opportunity.Yes not everyone has this help but that's not the point. The point is staying put is the sensible thing for HIM to do.Plus the only reason according to the op that his gf wants to move out is because everyone else is doing it. That's not a good reason.He is working two jobs to make the most of his opportunity. I say go on son. Well done you. And no, having a baby when you're not equipped financially to meet their basic needs isn't something to be commended. So if her cousin is using the unemployed single mum on benefits as a benchmark then I do see why he's indignant.It's not GREEDY to want a peace of mind and financial security. It is rather wise.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 April 2015):
Wait that year to get your own place.
IF your GF is in such a hurry to move out, that is HER choice. IF she wants to live with a cousin or by herself rather than with her parents THAT is her choice. MAYBE a dose of reality would be good for her.
DOESN'T mean that because you two are dating YOU have to move out RIGHT now as well.
I'd sit her down and explain why you are sticking to your plan.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 April 2015):
 I don't see you writing where you live currently? Apparently somewhere rent free? Are you living at home with mom and dad?
At your age, it shouldn't come as a surprise why people want to move out and leave the "nest". It's part of growing up and claiming your own space and have your own freedom. Just because it makes more financial sense to live with mom and dad (apparently you also live rent free, which some would call mooching, but that's another topic), this sort of arrangement does have its cost. It may be cheaper when talking in terms of money, but it could cost you experience on life, it could in some cases cost you your relationship (after two years it's QUITE understandable that your girlfriend wants to live with you, and NOT also with your parents). It could cost you several things...
As for why others leave mom and dad to "waste" money on rent, not everyone can stay and live with their parents rent free. Most parents I know of would charge rent if their adult children were to still occupy space in their home, in addition to most parents also demanding a certain upkeep of the house, chores, cooking etc. There's also the question of privacy.
If you are comfortable living with mom and dad (assuming that is what you are), then fine, that's a good choice for you. But don't judge others who are not doing what you do, or don't have that opportunity. Don't say they are wasting money, and look down your nose at them. That's just ignorant.
As for what your girlfriend wants.. well you need to talk to her about what you want and listen to what she wants, and then COMPROMISE or lose her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015): what you are doing is incredible! don't cave to the pressure. Lots of people would love to be in your position.
Your girlfriend doesn't know any better. She will thank you for this when you two are married and living quite comfortably (if you get married). Explain to her your reasons; I'm sure she'll understand!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 April 2015):
 It's time to dig in your heels, and realize that you've set yourself up for a pretty comfortable "now" and "the future"... and not stress yourself by comparing your lot with the lot of "others."
Stay the course...
P.S. What is the complication of having your G/F share your address with you?
Good luck...
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