A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys I really need some advice, I am in a relationship since two years. a year and half into the relationship we broke up, in that time i got together with a friend of mine. and my friend and i have extreme sexual tension between us even when both of us were in relationship. He happened to break up just after i did and e got together for a short while and then i got back with my ex two months after break up. Now this friend/whatever of mine is someone i wouldnt normally date as we are totally different and i dont see a future for us because we want different things in life and on the other hand my boyfriend is my perfect match. I have never loved anyone more. Hes my perfect fit, we have future planned but he is in another country for a year and meanwhile i spend half of my day with my friend because of unavoidable circumstances. and the sexual tension is so intense and we always have some sort of physical contact like fingers touching etc. and its fucking with my life, i dont think around him and i come home and cry because it feels like i am cheating emotionally but i cant stop because its been 10 months and this something i have with my friend is not going away!! what do i do?
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female
reader, missmatador  +, writes (18 August 2016):
 Dear anon,It sounds like quite a predicament you have got yourself in but I don't think this is as complicated as you're making it. It is completely possible to love one man but to also find another irresistible but what you are talking about it finding someone too tempting to trust yourself and that really puts your integrity and the security of your relationship under scrutiny. Far from thinking that you should be with one or the other, I would question if you should be with either of them at all. It sounds like both are providing one thing but neither is the whole package and, in the case of true and lasting love, it should be. It is possible that your LDR is currently still suffering from the previous break and that there are still things you need to heal and, if this is the case (and you are wanting to keep the relationship) it would be better to cut all these seemingly binding ties to the friend you were seeing during the break to focus on your relationship. No tie (job, family, friendship group) is too binding!!!If you can't possibly resist then do not persist in hurting the man you claim to love and let him go.You can't keep him simply because you're afraid of being alone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2016): Try to hang in there for your boyfriend's sake. Commitment means remaining faithful under temptation. It means saving yourself for the one you know is right for you. The body has needs; which is why I seriously do not recommend LDR's. Always bear in mind, it is necessary to remain true when you have formed a serious commitment with someone you really do love. The guilt will eat at your soul, and the karma will catch up to you. That goes for your boyfriend as well.
You're very young, lonely, and your boyfriend is away for a long time. I suggest that you spend less or no time with that friend. If uncontrollable sexual-tension is developing between you; that's your cue to move on and find other people to spend your time with.
Sweetie, you are human. You may feel wandering attraction because of your young hormones. It isn't really emotionally cheating, unless you are flirting and deliberately sending out signals. Making certain he is picking them up. That, or placing yourself in sticky situations you can't easily get out of. Such behavior is setting-up the opportunity. That is surely cheating. Only making convenient excuses for mishaps. The old convenient: "I couldn't help myself, I was drunk" routine.
Nature takes its course no matter what, but we are civilized human-beings with self-control. We are not wild animals acting on instinct alone. Consider the fact your boyfriend trusts you. Hopefully he is doing the same for you. Trust is hard to earn, difficult to maintain; and once it is lost, almost impossible to regain. Remember that.
It will help if you don't spend any time alone with the guy, and you should be fine. The less time you are together, the quicker the tension will pass. No excessive messaging or inside jokes. That's how you form intimacy, which leads to physical cheating. You're two young people, and you're "accidentally on purpose" searching for a substitute to stand-in for your boyfriend.
Sweetie, that's a no no!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 August 2016):
 Are you fighting for it to go away with your friend? Or are you allowing it to happen? You see maybe you both have to spend time together due to education or work, but it does not mean you need to touch each other or get close. You know you have sexual tension with him so remove yourself from that. You crossed the line off friendship, therefore he is no longer your friend. You need to tell him kindly the friendship is over and you don't want anymore contact with him, if you do not distance yourself from him now, you will end up cheating on your boyfriend. So act now to save your relationship.
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