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female
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anonymous
writes: Ex-advice please..My ex and I split mutually about 5 mnths ago.We still keep in contact, speak every so often..and when we see each other more than often we end up sleeping together.We know its not the wise thing to do but we can't help it.We get on well still and both flirt all the time even on the phone, we're still attracted to each other, thats clear!I am a little confused by the actions my ex takes he is the one who insinuates things and i try to be strong. One minute he says that he misses me and then straight after changes to 'well i miss having someone, not u'. I know he still cares about me, he says he is no longer in love with me anymore - although im not convinced that's true.I know he gets upset when i mention that i've met other guys and have kissed a few people no more (although he has only kissed few ppl 2no more)..he always asks me when he sees me whether i've been doing anything with anyone else, i don't ask him. I think he is curious or maybe just wants to check that i am still into him..What d'u think??He says that he is not sure if we'll get back 2gether, he hopes so but we'll have to see what happens, time will tell.Please help, do you think we could sort this out??I can't seem to understand what's going on - :o) My brain hurts..!
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female
reader, jamika  +, writes (18 March 2008):
I am currently in that kind of situation. I left my ex boyfriend in October of last year. Since then, he has been with different girls but still calls me and talks to me. I also have the same question going through my mind asking myself if saying yes to him about us just being friends and having sex is o.k. It's funny though because I would say yes, and then afterwards, the next day I regret it. My ex has a problem with sex. He can never get enough. Especially when he drinks, he tends to do anyone (ugly, pretty, fat, skinny) you name it he has done that. We were together for 6 years and out of those years he cheated on me with his customers (he is working for a tour agency (sam's tours). That time, he was with Stacey H. he asked me to go home for a week or so until he leaves. I was still young, so I felt that I couldn't leave without him, I don't know. Well anyway, he still calls me and I know that it's impossible not to because right now we have two beautiful daughters that are 5 years old and 3 years old. I left him the 3rd time because I just couldn't take it anymore of his lies and his cheating ways not knowing that I was pregnant with his 3rd child. Now that I am pregnant he still calls me and really wants me to give him this baby since he always wanted a boy. I am happy without him though there are times that i do miss my ex. Sorry for my long story/answer. My advice to you is try to ignore him. The other advice about keeping your distance is a real good way to forget someone. But, you might wonder how can that help if he keeps bothering you? Well that I don't know how to answer but all I can say is that if you do find an answer that helped you. Please post an update or something so that we also can learn from each other and help each other out there. Especially to those who are in the same situation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): thats easy he sleeps with u because he can and its free sex. then he dumps u all over again walk away change ur number
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female
reader, confused_me09  +, writes (7 February 2008):
I am currently in this situation.However mine is slightly differnt than most "sex with ex" stories. I met this guy from egypt and hes here only for college so when he graduates hes going back home. Well we dated for awhile and then he broke up with me. He told me we had to break up being hes leaving in 2 years so whats the point in getting to serious and having to deal with heart ache when he leaves. Well we are still having sex..imjust wondering if that was just an exscue he used about having to move back home in order to break up me or not. He finallyt old me he loved me after 8 monthes of knowing each other. WE became freinds he texts me about every other day and we both get mad and jealous if we see each othe rtalking to other people. He also calls me his "girlfriend" still sometimes. But he does have jerk tendancies and sometimes makes me feel used. I dont know if maybe he does care its just that hes leaving in 2 years or wat..of if hes jsut truly a jerk like the rest!
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): het back together, its obvious he says things like that because he is confused and wants you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): I read yours experiences...I´m from Argentina and is good to know that my problem it´s not peculiar...My boyfriend, 53, single...have a fear to feel involve in a relationship by commitment. The first year was quite normal, last year told me that was not able to continue with the relationship, because the commitment. We just stopped to be on contact for 3 months, then we started lake best friend...(I thought that was better to have just like a friend, than lost it last a person, he is really a great man)The first night he invited me to stay at his place, and I accepted at once, feeling very confortable with him. But he couldn´t managed and i awoke the next morning arround his armas.. Seens then we continue in touch, went vacation together, he called me everyday,twice a week spend the night together, (not allways with sex included!!)I really don´t know wath should I do to be aware and avoidthe pain of lost him and the relationship we have, "just in case"...Please tell me what u think.Thanks a tonSol
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): he feels so good and he makes me feel good. i really don't want a relationship, i just want sex, i don't want him to call me to talk on the phone. I just want him to call me and ask me when and where. This can't be healthy and I don't want to lead him on. I need some guidance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2007): Me an my ex-boyfriend still talk an sometimes ihe comes to my house an we still have sex an sometimes i get mad when he go on other dates with other females no matter what we can be mad at each other an don't talk for a while but we always find a way back talking to each other do he still want to be with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2007): My ex and I are perfectly fine have a purely sexual relationship -we work together and see each other every day and still turn each other on immensely. He isn't with anyone else and neither am I so we figure why deny ourselves GREAT sex! We were together for 2 and a half years but no kid, together -we are both 30 so maybe we are able to handle it a little better. It still hurts when he is not really there for me but, I know he still loves me, we just moved too fast out of our previous relationships and iwith each other. We have a mutual agreement that neither of us is going to sleep with anyone else -even date anyone else -but we are not going to date each other right now either. We have been broken up for a little over 3 months and right now are just enjoying the sex, nothing else. I mean we talk everyday at work but other than that only occasionally. If you both can handle just sex -go for it. Just make sure you know his intentions before you sleep with him -no expactations is key!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): Wow. All I can say is, this seems to be a popular trend amongst men these days. I am also in love with my ex. We slept together two months ago and he stopped talking to me, and then out of nowhere he called and asked me to come spend the night with him. It was a VERY hard choice but I said no. He hasn't contacted me since. Men can look for sex and since we love them, we are seen as easy prey. Watch out and guard your heart. Not all men are like this - but it looks like yours and mine seem to be. My heart goes out to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): i totally understand where you are coming from, although the problem is im falling for it AGAIN! i split from my ex 2 years ago, we remain good friend, infact we share a house with another friend. i have fallen into this trap twice now, the first time it really screwed with my head, this time i think i can handle it because the last relationship i was in was very abusive physically and mentally and even still i find myself still in love with him. history seems to be repeating itself. im sorry i have no answers for you. i myself am fed up with emotionally immature and selfish men and if anyone out there can point me in the right direction it would be most appriciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2007): You need to be really careful cos your ex may be having sex with u because he cant get it from anywhere else. How long is he gone for and like you said he insinuates things and that's probably because he knows you will give in. Ask if he wants a relationship with you, if not you need to stop wasting eachothers time and in a way he is keeping you hanging on . You are hoping something more will come out of it. If not you will get hurt and if this thing wit your ex stops you'll prob meet someone who wants to be with you and not just for sex.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2006): can a guy still have feelings for you if they get jealous when someone calls u ot talks to you
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2006): i am in the same situation and i cant stop it! i love him and dont know how to refuse him when he is what i want. its hard and i wish i knew how to stop it
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2006): you want it as much as him or you wouldnt go back. it will take you to be strong and change your number and move on when you decide you want to. its a self esteem issue
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reader, kym +, writes (31 October 2005):
i think your ex still loves you but doesnt want to admit it to himself. its obvious theres something there because he wouldnt care about you and other guys if he didnt care about you. i think you should maybe sit and talk to him. tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels. ask him if you getting back into a relationship is what he wants. if he doesnt want a relationship and wants other girls i personally say leave him and find a guy that wants you and loves you and isnt just using you for sex when hes got no one else.....good luck
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (31 October 2005):
 It's possible that you two could "sort this out"--if, by "sort this out", you mean "get back together".
But let's break it down:
If you get together right now, in the on-again, off-again state you're in, what chance does the relationship have of being any different than the relationship you two *mutually* decided to abandon? Not much of one.
If, however, you did not just "try" to be strong, but took a hard line (i.e., no contact, period, for x number of days/weeks/months/your-time-unit-here) you could actually get some distance from and clarity about the situation, and might actually be able to sort out what did and didn't work, which things are correctable and which aren't, etc.
I like to provide a bottom line answer, and my bottom line in your case is this: why would you want to be with someone who both (a) says he is no longer in love with you and (b) takes you on a rollercoaster ride every time you see him? What you really want is a *good* relationship--with him, right now, because it's all you can see, but possibly with someone else who can declare himself to you and follow up with actions that prove that love.
I think you need to get a little stronger before you're going to have that kind of relationship with anyone. So I'd say back off of this thing for now, cut off all contact, and get solid with yourself. Once you're firmly grounded, it'll be simple to make good decisions about whom to date and whom to let go.
In the meantime, if you must see each other because there are children involved, arrange it so there's a third party present at the hand-off. If there aren't kids or some other reason you have to see him (e.g. work, family, etc), then nicely but firmly tell him you really care about him, and because of that, you need to take some time off from all of this. Tell him you hope he cares enough about you to help you with this by not contacting you, but letting you contact him when you're ready.
It's not going to be easy getting past this, but if you're willing to put some work in, you'll end up with a life that's ten times as rich, rewarding and fulfilling than the one you have now.
Boyfriend or no boyfriend!
Good luck!
xxx
c
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female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (31 October 2005):
 You guys probably shouldn't be having sex then. It's not fair to either one of you because it seems like you're together because of these actions. Let him know that unless you guys get back together, there's no reason for having sex. Let him know that you want to know exactly how he feels and to stop playing these mind games with you. You're better than that and don't need to put up with it.
If he hopes you guys will get back together, then what's keeping him. Don't wait around for his decision if this is what you're doing. It's just wasting time with someone such as this. He wants to have sex with you, but what's he doing when he's not with you? Having sex with someone else? That's not fair to you either, but at least you don't ask him what he's been doing. What you do, is none of his business, you guys are not together anymore.
If he really wants to be with you, he needs to let you know instead of dragging you along and not letting you know anything. Who wants to deal with someone like this? If you guys are still attracted to eachother and are having sex, both of you understand that this is just sex and there are no ties between you just because of the sex? You guys are nothing more than friends with benefits? This usually goes wrong somewhere, but hopefully you guys are careful and consider eachother's feelings about this whole situation.
Don't get hurt by his actions by any means. If you think that this is going to develop into something more that what you have, stop doing this, because it most likely won't happen and someone's going to get hurt in the end. Stop playing games and decide what you two want.
Good Luck!
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