A
male
age
30-35,
Giles
writes:Hi there community!My problem isn't really a problem. You see, I've been married for the last 6 months, and everything is going really well. She's wonderful, we're wonderful, we want to have kids... sounds like bliss? Well it's the closest I've ever gotten.The problem is that sex is always the same. Always on the bed, mostly missionary position, she likes to have the lights off, and when its naturally light, she likes to keep her eyes closed or under the pillow. I love to receive/perform oral sex or the occasional mutual masturbation. Nothing seedy.With all of the above issues, she's good enough to try to give me what I want, but very seldom, and then I feel guilty because I know she's only doing it for me.It HAS happened on the odd occasion, maybe once every few months or so, like when I return from a trip, or something unique happens, that she becomes like the erotic little girl I fell in love with, fulfilling all my desires, and then it's great, but it's not happening often enough for me.Another aspect to the issue is that she was in a couple of abusive relationships several years ago. In the one, he actually beat her! Knowing this, I struggle to apply pressure to her when I see her getting uncomfortable about it, in terms of what I would like.To summarize: The sex is excellent, but a bit of variety would perfect the relationship.Thanks for any suggestions.
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fell in love, oral sex, the pill Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2007): Hi Love,
You mentioned the abuse of a past relationship, Has she had counselling for this as I have been through simular experiences and it took awhile to shall we say feel totally comfortable with my body again as I had been put down so very much.
Other than that love to make the moment more special for you both talk with her to make her feel comfortable she is probably wild at heart just holding back because of past experiences, Make a night with candles and massage and pleasure her the way you want to be pleasured tell her she is beautifull as you massage make her feel like she is the most special woman on earth, Not that you dont hunny...
Sometimes when you have been in a abusive relationship there are all sorts of things that may have happened that stay in your mind things that you actually believe if you have been told certain nasty things about yourself, mental abuse is usually there with the physical even though you dont realise what is happening as it can be a slow process of pulling you further and further down untill you have no confidence in yourself or your looks, or even the way you behave in bed may never have been a nice experience for her in that past relationship.
You sound happy apart from this love, you are both lucky to have found each other you sound very caring to her past, I hope this has helped a little take care of both of you LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A
male
reader, Giles +, writes (24 November 2007):
Giles is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe idea about doing things together is something we're working on currently, as for reading cosmo... i dont know about that. Do you think women like a guy who reads cosmo??
I also dont really know about going to a psychotherapist, or at least suggesting it. I cant initiate it, it has to come from her. If she asks for it, I'll support it fully. You see, the problem is that I don't really let her know how I feel, firstly because everythigns so good regardless, secondly because I dont want to alert her to the issue lest I upset her or cause her to think shes not good in bed
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A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (23 November 2007):
 I think u should read cosmopolitan and magazines and stuff together, watch inspiring movies go out more and so on so that u have new ideas
I t will work fr sure
ciao
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