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Severe depression and anxiety after worst breakup

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 January 2016) 11 Answers - (Newest, 21 January 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, *rishgirl88 writes:

My ex and I split up about 2 months ago. Mainly because I felt I was putting more effort in than him. He's 30 and I'm 28.

I refused to see him for 5 weeks as I believed the distance would do us good and give us time to figure things out.

He was messaging me asking me where I am, finding reasons to talk to me etc.

Finally after 5 weeks apart I let him come over to sort things out.

He said for us to put the past in the past and move forward, apologized to me and cuddles me etc.

That night, we ended up sleeping together.

I messgaed him a couple of days later and he asked me wth do you want, said not to message him again, tried to call me a few times and I didn't ans as my friend was here asleep and I told him this.

He then said bye and blocked me off his phone.

I'm in so much pain and confusion and can't sleep, eat anything due to this. This was 3 weeks ago.

Please tell me what to do? The pain is unbelievable as I have no closure etc. i haven't tried to call him since he blocked me.

I want to move on and I cant. It's so hard as I still love this man very much

View related questions: move on, split up

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A female reader, Irishgirl88 United Kingdom +, writes (21 January 2016):

Irishgirl88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I didn't think I was desperate at all imho.

I thought I was being mature about the situation. Obvs he's not worth my time, love energy or thoughts.

The unblocking and blocking is what's annoying me.

Anyway, he does not deserve me. I'm too good and honest for him.

How likely is it that he tries to contact me in the future or how will I respond?

I'm already talking to a few new guys now

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2016):

In order to start your healing process you have to go no contact.

Yes, it is desperate to want to talk to someone who is avoiding you, blocking you, or ignoring you. Worse, being mean to you. If you continue trying to contact him in spite of the fact that it's painful; perhaps there is a better word for this behavior?

It's not accepting anything, it's moving on and giving "yourself" the closure you need. It's taking back the power over your own emotions, and letting him go. Let him stick his reasons up his poop-shoot!

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A female reader, Irishgirl88 United Kingdom +, writes (20 January 2016):

Irishgirl88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks. And I think I'm far from desperate for wanting to know btw. Contacting someone a MONTH after they ended the relationship by dissapearing is far from that IMO. If anything, I'd say I've acted in a mature adult manner.

It feels like woman are just supposed to accept all types of behaviour, and if they look for clarity on a situation they are called desperate. What's desperate is the fact my ex partner did not have the respect for me to end it either via text/call/face to face.

And believe me I am moving on i don't have a choice really.

So what your saying is that IM in the wrong for contacting my ex partner ONCE since the BU???

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (20 January 2016):

You need to move on. Contacting him further will only worsen things and be pure wasted time on your part.

For whatever reason, he doesnt want to be with you anymore. Respect his decision and move on with your life.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2016):

No one will ever give you an adequate answer for dumping you.

They'd rather just avoid all the drama.

If you have to pry answers out of a guy who broke-up with you; you're desperate. No matter how many reasons he gives; you'll never be satisfied, and you'll never find closure. Simply because he will not tell you what you want to hear. That being either he wants you back, or it's all his fault. You only want to plead your case why he shouldn't break-up. He doesn't want to hear your case, so move on.

Leave him alone!

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A female reader, Irishgirl88 United Kingdom +, writes (18 January 2016):

Irishgirl88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Tbh I didn't check if I was blocked etc. When I scrolled down the names in my app I saw his and that I was unblocked.

I haven't been pestering him at all. Last night was the first time I called him since the "breakup" a month after.

Being broken up with is not hard...... If there is an explanation. Hence why I called.

I had none. He came back to me after HE put in the effort with the Phonecalls/mesaages etc wanting to see me, I said no for 5 weeks as space is good.

I'm so hurt that he cut me off after this without an explanation, nothing. That's why it's been so hard to move on from this.

A year together and he ended it by blocking me and ignoring me with no explanation..... After we slept together that time last month.

Hes cruel

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016):

Stop checking if you're blocked or unblocked. Leave him alone.

What's the point when you know he doesn't want to hear what you have to say?

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A female reader, Irishgirl88 United Kingdom +, writes (18 January 2016):

Irishgirl88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for your response. However I want to clarify that I wasn't easy with this man.

We didn't get into a sexual relationship untill months into dating, and I didn't know I was being "used" as a booty call as he said he wanted to work things out. He made it into something so low and cheap and dishonest, wheras I honestly wanted to work things out...... He used this against me.

Last night he unblocked me for an hour, I didn't message him or anything and then he blocked me again.

Hes a selfish disgusting idiot and what a shame that a grown man that's almost 31 acts like this.

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A female reader, Keeley345 United Kingdom +, writes (18 January 2016):

You're going through a breakup which is always hard. It's normal to feel hurt, depressed etc when a r/ship ends and after a while you get over it. For some people that could mean days other longer before they move on.

Then there is depression...which is an illness and can be triggered off by personal problems and is awful to have! I'm not a doctor but feel free to look into depression on the NHS website. You'll find good advice on there. It's good you're asking for help. We've all gone through similar stuff but whats important is that you deal with this breakup healthily.

You will feel better in time. But you've taken the first step to getting back on track by asking for help. The rest will come gradually.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2016):

Stop going back and forth. You know his last contact was nothing more than a booty-call. He wants to be sure he finds someone before you do! Thus his reasoning for keeping track of your whereabouts and what you're doing. Don't be so easy! Use some common-sense and protect your feelings.

By this time, there is nothing to sort out. You're picking at your emotional wounds, and keeping them wide open and infected. He's keeping a foot in the door; so he's knows how flexible and vulnerable you are about sex. Making sure you're not seeking male-comfort while on the rebound. He wants all his male friends to know you're the one emotionally-devastated; while his male-ego stays intact.

I think you're mature and experienced enough to know that.

If not, you're now informed!

Don't use sex as bait to hold his interest or make him behave. Or worse, think you'll curb his sexual-appetite by luring him away from finding stray-sex elsewhere. He'll have his cake, and he'll eat it too! All at your emotional-expense, girlfriend! He'll find sex on-demand, no matter what you do to try and stop it. You can tell by how cocky he is and insensitive to your feelings.

I'm going to give it to you straight, sweetheart. Someone has to tell you the hard-side of all this. Not just stroke your head and pat your hand. The key is survival! You'll find someone better for you; and you'll be happy. Just don't give everything to a man. Save love in reserve for yourself. That's how you get through these things. Loving yourself keeps your heart agile enough to love again; and to always improve on who you are as a person. Never to crumble into dust when some guy breaks your heart.

He blocked his phone? Good! You shouldn't be contacting each other anyway! You're both grown-ups, not high school kids!

Going back and forth is begging to be used, abused, and disrespected. When he's gotten what he wants from you; then it's back to a curt "what do you want?" He thinks you're dumb, and you'll keep getting played. Love is on hold for right now. Given enough time, it will change to dormant affection just to be kept in vague memory when you've found someone better and more meant for you! You also have to be a better person yourself, in order to deserve him! A good strong man deserves a good strong woman. Not some emotional cripple to sap away all his strength and feed on his energy. Complicating his life with her insecurities and overly-fragile psyche. Nobody deserves that kind of relationship. You have to give in return what you take.

As for depression, if it incapacitates you from working or schoolwork, see a doctor immediately! Eat (even if you have to force-feed yourself), take vitamins, rest; and exercise to keep your body active and your metabolism going. As for anxiety, people tend to use that a lot as an excuse to just give-up on coping like adults and dealing with the adversities of life. They all surrender to: "I'm just not strong enough to handle this!" You never know, if you never try! Go down with a fight for your life! Go to a doctor if all effort has failed!

You may breakup many more times over a life-time. I'm not saying it will get easier. You simply have to survive them. You cannot allow yourself to dive into emotional-crisis over losing a man. If you're that fragile, you have no business being in adult-relationships. They're too much to handle.

Adult-relationships require self-control, a thick-skin, tolerance, patience, trust, trust-worthiness, and a lot of perseverance. Then you have to have what it takes to survive their unexpected demise. You have to recover after the fall and bounce back into action. Like a soldier! You'll always suffer loss and grief over lost love. I wasn't real if you don't. Getting over it is a tough process.

Get your bum over to see your medical doctor. Don't become dependent on sedatives or tranquilizers; if you have not been officially-diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or clinical depression. If this is your first mental-bout with a lousy breakup; then woman-up and handle it with all you've got, sweetie!

Trust me when I tell you this. You're giving your ex too much power and control over your emotions. He will abuse the power, and he will emotionally and psychologically paralyze you. Then he'll rub your nose in every new relationship he finds. While you're stuck and of no use to yourself, or anyone else. Keep this in mind!

Fight to keep it together, sister!

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A female reader, Irishgirl88 United Kingdom +, writes (17 January 2016):

Irishgirl88 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I finally gave in and rang him tonight and he was not happy at all.

He swore at me for ringing him and I asked him what did i do that was so wrong. He said he doesn't need to speak to me and that he doesn't want to speak to anyone. Said that he's moved on!!! And that he doesn't care what I have to say and hung up.

This is so very very hard on me

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