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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm having major self confidence issues, help please! I'm in my 20s and I have a curvy body, except my boobs are small. I have wide hips, a small waist, a curvy butt, and thighs a bit too thick but I'm working on losing weight. People say I have a pretty face, but still I feel the boobs trump everything!My ex used to make comments about how small my boobs were, and about how hot other women's boobs were... he picked up on my insecurity and later used to it to his advantage 'cause he was really manipulative. Even though I know he was a jerk, his comments and actions really hit my self esteem badly and even though supposedly boobs are not all that matters, I just can't get over my insecurity.Then there are my male friends, the other day they were talking about a girl who has massive boobs. They were talking about how hot and impressive they are and I told them "but she's not very pretty and she's actually a little heavy" and they said it doesn't matter if a girl is ugly or a bit chubby, as long as she has big boobs it's ok... but then you see the same guys judge girls who have small boobs and go "if a girl has small boobs she better be thin, pretty, smart, etc., etc.". It left me with the impression that if you have large boobs you don't need to make an effort to be attractive, but if you're small chested you have to be perfect in every other way to be attractive... like you have to make up for it and even then it's a disappointment! (like it seemingly was for my boyfriend, who often complained he couldn't t** f*** me).I know I have so many things to be grateful for but I just feel so unwomanly, so unattractive... 'cause also my sister for example she has a pretty face and big boobs and even though she's always been overweight she's never had self esteem problems because from a young age she learnt that she has something men drool over and uses it to her advantage and is always flaunting it. And guys are always saying she's hot, and when I flaunt what I have (my butt or hips) no one cares to comment.My female friends when I've told them about this go "oh, but guys only want those with massive boobs to have sex with, girls like you are more like gf material, 'cause you are smart". But that dichotomy is so simplistic and anti-feminist I think, like so 1950s! 'Cause it reduces you to either be a "goody two shoes girlfriend" or a sex vixen, and what if I feel like both at the same time? What if I don't want to just be a smart nice girl to talk to, what if I like sex and like feeling attractive and like my body is better than "just enough"? What if I DON'T want a guy to just settle for my body? Sure it's nice that a guy appreciates you for the personality and brains, but I also have a body that I want cherished! I don't want to be settled for again! And also I'm coming out of a very destructive 6 year long relationship (with that same ex I mentioned)... I want to be single for a long time, but that doesn't mean I want to also be celibate! I'm not just a one dimension girl made to just be a girlfriend.... just for long term committed relationships, just to make good, intelligent conversation, I also want to be considered a great lay... I don't know how to explain, sorry.I'm so scared of going through the same I went with my boyfriend with every guy! Because maybe other guys won't be so blunt like my ex, but I'll always be wondering if they're just as disappointed as he was? Or if the guy is as much of a pig as my friends are, if he'd rather I had an uglier face or thicker waist but bigger boobs? What if he really wants to have a gf to t** f*** with?
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boobs, celibate, confidence, my ex, overweight, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2012): I've had a girlfriend who had close to perfect shaped D cups. They were her best bodily feature. I would say I'm a boob man, but I still say boobs DO NOT trump everything. Your figure sounds great to me. A nice lower body with a small waist is more of a core factor than boobs. If you really want bigger boobs, please don't go the surgery route. I don't think the majority of guys prefer fake boobs and chances are, they'll look bad. What you could do is cut out refined carbs (replace with healthier carbs) and increase saturated fat. The author of the blog Animal Pharm could be contacted for greater detail.
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (5 November 2012):
 I don't know who your friends are but I have yet to meet a man who wants a fatter girl for her big boobs. And never have I heard she can be ugly as long as she has big boobs... Maybe to have sex with its possible (put a bag over her head joke) but certainly not to date. I have dated 2 men, married one of them, who preferred smaller boobs. I know my husband has dated a woman who was very busty, but he said when outside of her clothes they sagged and were actually very unattractive. My sister has said the same thing about her own boobs which are very large, she wishes for a smaller frame so they would be perky. Large boobs inevitably sag. And each of these women did not find it any easier to date than anyone else, one of them has only had one boyfriend and no other prospects at the age of 27. My sister is 30 now and has never been married.
I am not trying to put anyone down I am simply saying big boobs do not suddenly make you super desirable and attracting all the men. Each woman faces her own challenges with whatever she has become insecure about. I'm sorry you had such an asshole boyfriend and immature male friends but I promise you not every man cares so much about large boobs. I promise you a man will love your exact body type exactly as you are and not be settling. Everyone has a different type. Just like I'm sure all men are conditioned to think women love large muscles and prefer muscles. It certainly isn't true. What all people do love is confidence in yourself. Accept your body because it's yours. Embrace the things you do love rather than focus on the things you don't. We all have flaws with our bodies and things we don't love, every single one of us. But by loving the things that are good about your body you won't focus on what you don't like, which will build your confidence. Just like how the overweight women with big boobs feel confident, because they focus on that instead of letting their weight get them down. You have a lot to be confident about. I'm sure you are a really attractive girl. Don't let a manipulative asshole ex make you hate your body. And by the way, if he hated your boobs so much and thought you were unattractive because of them then he wouldn't have been with you for 6 years. He had his own insecurities and wanted to find fault with you to bring you to his level.
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A
male
reader, Young and in Love +, writes (5 November 2012):
 Wow, this is a very serious issue. You sound like you've been traumatized by your last relationship, but I will tell you this: your previous boyfriend was wrong to manipulate you, and probably didn't even mean half of the things he said. He just said them to manipulate you. He was a jerk, to put it simply. That said, I think you need to stop worrying about what people say or don't say. Some guys are crazy about big breasts. Some don't care for them. One of my friends had a girlfriend with big breasts and he said that after a while, it's just too much to deal with. Big boobs are a novelty, sweetie. They're a fad like yo-yos, bicycles, or even hula-hoops. But they're still a fad, and like any other fad, you get tired of them, and eventually see them for the gimmick they are.
You say you want to feel sexy, but you have no reason to feel otherwise, or like less of a woman. I don't know how "small" your breasts are (and I'm certainly not going to ask for your measurements; no-no), but I take it you're not utterly flat-chested. Small breasts can be very attractive, and you just need to know how to work with what you've got, and show off your finer parts. Change your wardrobe, go shopping with your friends, dye your hair (or give it highlights), and make yourself over if that's what will make you happy. Sometimes a woman just needs to do something different with themselves to remind herself she's beautiful, or that she's not the same as she was 4-years ago. Breasts are not everything, and in fact, it's been proven that men don't look at a woman's breasts first, but rather their eyes/face. A pretty face is tantamount to any size breasts. I have "typical" male friends who will, umm, "admire" every girl that walks by, and they tend to enjoy the butt more every time. To put it this way (hopefully it's not too graphic), a man's hand is only so large, and their mouth can only get so wide, and deep down, every guy knows that.
If including your breasts in your intimate moments is really important to you, you could consider cosmetic surgery, but I STRONGLY recommend you not. Guys don't like fake breasts, and more importantly, you should feel proud of the skin you were born in. You'll find a new relationship with someone who appreciates you and doesn't take you for granted or manipulate you. Until then, if you really just want to have sex (I also suggest against that), then follow my make-over advice and please be safe. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Young and in Love +, writes (5 November 2012):
Wow, this is a very serious issue. You sound like you've been traumatized by your last relationship, but I will tell you this: your previous boyfriend was wrong to manipulate you, and probably didn't even mean half of the things he said. He just said them to manipulate you. He was a jerk, to put it simply. That said, I think you need to stop worrying about what people say or don't say. Some guys are crazy about big breasts. Some don't care for them. One of my friends had a girlfriend with big breasts and he said that after a while, it's just too much to deal with. Big boobs are a novelty, sweetie. They're a fad like yo-yos, bicycles, or even hula-hoops. But they're still a fad, and like any other fad, you get tired of them, and eventually see them for the gimmick they are.
You say you want to feel sexy, but you have no reason to feel otherwise, or like less of a woman. I don't know how "small" your breasts are (and I'm certainly not going to ask for your measurements; no-no), but I take it you're not utterly flat-chested. Small breasts can be very attractive, and you just need to know how to work with what you've got, and show off your finer parts. Change your wardrobe, go shopping with your friends, dye your hair (or give it highlights), and make yourself over if that's what will make you happy. Sometimes a woman just needs to do something different with themselves to remind herself she's beautiful, or that she's not the same as she was 4-years ago. Breasts are not everything, and in fact, it's been proven that men don't look at a woman's breasts first, but rather their eyes/face. A pretty face is tantamount to any size breasts. I have "typical" male friends who will, umm, "admire" every girl that walks by, and they tend to enjoy the butt more every time. To put it this way (hopefully it's not too graphic), a man's hand is only so large, and their mouth can only get so wide, and deep down, every guy knows that.
If including your breasts in you intimate moments is really important to you, you could consider cosmetic surgery, but I STRONGLY recommend you not. Guys don't like fake breasts, and more importantly, you should feel proud of the skin you were born in. You'll find a new relationship with someone who appreciates you and doesn't take you for granted or manipulate you. Until then, if you really just want to have sex (I also suggest against that), then follow my make-over advice and please be safe. Good luck.
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